Do any other INFJs feel this way? | Page 2 | INFJ Forum

Do any other INFJs feel this way?

This is something about which it's neither possible nor desirable to rationalise; its like a religious faith - romantic love is the real faith of our time. It's our God. We need it as human beings to function.

I like this a lot. And I think this is how religious faith operates, but the form of the love object is channeled differently within different historical horizons. One of my favourite books, Emil Cioran's Tears and Saints, partially and powerfully explores the passion of love the mystics and saints felt/feel for God. There's a sense of rapture we rarely associate with religion in our secularised societies.

And to relate this to the thread's questions, I think the function stack of the INFJ might very well attract them to romantic love in this sense, as much as broader conceptions of mysticism and religious passion. Ni is all about accessing unconscious connections, but I've also heard it said the inferior function often takes a slightly religious dimension for the types, as it is consciously accessible but in a way that is difficult to utilize and semi-mysterious. For the INFJ, that's Se, which grounds you appreciatively in the given moment—something that strikes me as very like a description of a meditative or mindful state.
 
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I do, but it's hardly related to type. Of course, some things could be expressed in terms of the function dynamic natural to the INFJ, but as individual as we are in expressing and using them, it almost makes stacking irrelevant.

I wish I didn't indulge in this kind of thinking as much as I do because I think I'm too broken to believe in it being real.
 
I personally don't dream of "the" one. I dream of "any" one that knows how to love like I do. Well, let me rephrase. One that loves me like I do him. I dream of conversations. Not being able to look away even though I am extremely nervous about prolonged eye contact, but somehow with him I am okay with it because he doesn't make me feel unworthy.. when he touches me, I lose my breath. When he asks do i feel it too, i can't help but to cry because FINALLY, someone to really be in love with that's also in love with me.

And this part is seriously superficial, but when I picture him (or sometimes I dream about him, (hmm, I guess it does mean I dream about THE one) I picture a medium or large built man, dark headed, preferable medium length to the bottom of his neck, maybe with wavy texture. Oh, dark eyes with an intelligent look, like a professor, or someone in a cafe in pursuit of knowledge in books, with either a goatee or trimmed beard, white, very attractive teeth, with shape to them, not denture looking straight. They most of the time have to have bigger lips, I don't know why I have such a fascination with mouths but I'm assuming it's because I've never had a pretty smile so I find others smiles very attractive. And because I look at people's mouth when they speak because I read lips to make sure I'm hearing what they say.

I realize this makes me sound very superficial, but it's just my preferences, dreams and wishes. It doesn't mean I could not find a blonde guy attractive, as a matter of fact, one of the best looking actors to me was Paul Walker, a blonde with smaller lips and blue eyes. (RIP Paul.)

It also doesn't mean I would be against loving someone who didn't fit these descriptions. Because let's be honest, guys that look like "my type" could usually have anyone they wanted, so it's not highly likely they'd pick me unless they got to know me first. Please don't talk about me bashing myself, bc I'm not. I didn't say I was ugly, lol. It's just that I am a realist in some ways, and that's one. I go by the evidence, and I have plenty. So there. :p

Anyway. I don't care about ripped muscles, in fact if they have muscles, I'd prefer them to be smooth and not seriously defined. More filled out. I don't like seriously skinny. That's one reason my current bf is unnatractive to me in a way. That and his extreme selfishness. As I said it's probably going to end anyway.

A girl can dream. I think I'm so fascinated about looks bc I've never had someone I found attractive and to have that would be a huge confidence boost. It would let me know that not all insanely attractive men go for equally insanely attractive women. That maybe, one of them would think I am beautiful. And actually just because they are less attractive doesn't mean That they like less attractive women. Most men... most i said... all like insanely attractive women. And i am just not one of them physically, I mean Im not the type that fits most of society's desires. Like say, Jessica Alba or someone like that. (Or JennyD, Neko, or Puzzle. I'm not tagging you girls because I'm sure you're all 3 going to fuss at me for even saying this stuff haha. So maybe you won't see this!!! If you do, I love you girls... hehe) However if they got to know me, they would see my beauty and that would change their mind. That right there is truly the reason behind it all I think. That people are so superficial they won't give me a chance.
My low confidence stems from not being "chosen" by mates that I would "choose" myself. Not having ever experienced that type of raw physical desire for someone that actually returned it.

It's so sad, and I am seriously embarrassed but y'all know me by know and I am honest and don't mind being vulnerable. I know it's going to make me available to critisism, but oh well. I know that I could love anyone no matter what they look like. I just don't believe that most guys around here (not the forum, I mean in real life around my area) are like that. Maybe there's a few, but I haven't met them. I'm surrounded by men who won't even look twice at you unless you've got the wow factor, even ones who don't have it themselves (like me, i know I'm being hypocritical to a point, but I CAN and would love anyone) will go for a drug head that looks great right now but in a few years will not.

Umm I'm sorry about my rant. I'm just really down about the whole thing. I mean... I've got to get over it. I want to be a better person. Sorry I detailed the thread. I'm gonna shut up now lol.
 
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I personally don't dream of "the" one. I dream of "any" one that knows how to love like I do. Well, let me rephrase. One that loves me like I do him. I dream of conversations. Not being able to look away even though I am extremely nervous about prolonged eye contact, but somehow with him I am okay with it because he doesn't make me feel unworthy.. when he touches me, I lose my breath. When he asks do i feel it too, i can't help but to cry because FINALLY, someone to really be in love with that's also in love with me.

And this part is seriously superficial, but when I picture him (or sometimes I dream about him, (hmm, I guess it does mean I dream about THE one) I picture a medium or large built man, dark headed, preferable medium length to the bottom of his neck, maybe with wavy texture. Oh, dark eyes with an intelligent look, like a professor, or someone in a cafe in pursuit of knowledge in books, with either a goatee or trimmed beard, white, very attractive teeth, with shape to them, not denture looking straight. They most of the time have to have bigger lips, I don't know why I have such a fascination with mouths but I'm assuming it's because I've never had a pretty smile so I find others smiles very attractive. And because I look at people's mouth when they speak because I read lips to make sure I'm hearing what they say.

I realize this makes me sound betty superficial, but it's just my preferences, dreams and wishes. It doesn't mean I could not find a blonde guy attractive, as a matter of fact, one of the best looking actors to me was Paul Walker, a blonde with smaller lips and blue eyes. (RIP Paul.)

It also doesn't mean I would be against loving someone who didn't fit these descriptions. Because let's be honest, guys that look like "my type" could usually have anyone they wanted, so it's not highly likely they'd pick me unless they got to know me first. Please don't talk about me bashing myself, bc I'm not. I didn't say I was ugly, lol. It's just that I am a realist in some ways, and that's one. I go by the evidence, and I have plenty. So there. :p

Anyway. I don't care about ripped muscles, in fact if they have muscles, I'd prefer them to be smooth and not seriously defined. More filled out.

A girl can dream. I think I'm so fascinated about looks bc I've never had someone I found attractive and to have that would be a huge confidence boost. It would let me know that not all insanely attractive men go for equally insanely attractive women. That maybe, one of them would think i am beautiful. And actually just because they are less attractive doesn't mean That they like less attractive women. Most men... most i said... all like insanely attractive women. And i am just not one of them physically, I mean not the type that fits most of society's desires. Like say, Jessica Alba or someone like that. However if they got to know me, they would see my beauty and that would change their mind. That right there is truly the reason behind it all I think. My low confidence stems from not being "chosen" by mates that I would "choose" myself. Not having ever experienced that type of raw physical desire for someone that actually returned it.

It's so sad, and I am seriously embarrassed but y'all know me by know and I am honest and don't mind being vulnerable. I know it's going to make me available to critisism, but oh well. I know that I could love anyone no matter what they look like. I just don't believe that most guys around here are like that. Maybe there's a few, but I haven't met them. I'm surrounded by men who won't even look twice at you unless you've got the wow factor, even ones who don't have it themselves (like me, i know I'm being hypocritical to a point, but I CAN and would love anyone) will go for a drug head that looks great right now but in a few years will not.

Umm I'm sorry about my rant. I'm just really down about the whole thing. I mean... I've got to get over it. I want to be a better person. Sorry I detailed the thread. I'm gonna shut up now lol.

OK, April, since I'm in a cynical mood, I'll address this. Take me as devil's advocate here.

You're a woman and seem to be behaving like one according to things like this:

https://medium.com/@worstonlinedate...ably-better-off-not-wasting-your-2ddf370a6e9a

Basically it's that oft-cited Tinder study that confirms the 80-20 rule: 80% of women are chasing the top 20% of men, and what's more, they believe that they deserve them. It means that a 2/10 woman can believe she deserves a 10/10 guy.

This is just not true the other way around - men have a much more accurate picture of their relative attractiveness.

You say you know that it's superficial - well then I'm afraid you need to embody that principle. It is superficial.

There are good men literally everywhere, just as there are good women all over the place.

Could you imagine a man making the rant you did? People would just tell him to grow up and get real, and secondly 80% of women who heard his rant would be immediately turned off because they physically can't deal with male weakness. You ought to know when you're literally asking for a double standard to apply.

Well that's one perspective anyway, and as I say it was more or less from the position of a devil's advocate. So best wishes and good luck.
 
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Excuse me? I didn't see that.
Because I edited it and I didn't tag her I just included her and a few others as one of the more beautiful girls (that guys usually go after.)

And I just don't agree with what you said. I know that my thoughts are superficial. Ive admitted it. And as you can See by me saying, "they wouldn't choose me" "I'm not one of those types of women" I obviously don't think I deserve one of those men. Your study highlights that basically, in other words, women are more superficial than men. I don't know if it's location, but here, the opposite is true. Trust me.

It's not anything to do with men are more anything than women. I never meant to imply that gender had anything to do with that specifically. I said "people are so superficial" not men. I am a person as are you. While there are gender specific things going on here, I don't mean to imply anything of the sort. I may have said things that sound like it, but my intentions behind my sayings have little to do with gender. Women - as is proven by my entire post - are superficial too. Thanks for playing devils advocate.

If I man were to post my post, I would not be turned off. My empathy would be on overdrive because I get him. So you're wrong there. It would be a turn on for me because of the one thing I am strong in. Being vulnerable.
 
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Because I edited it and I didn't tag her I just included her and a few others as one of the more beautiful girls (that guys usually go after.)

And I just don't agree with what you said. I know that my thoughts are superficial. Ive admitted it. And as you can See by me saying, "they wouldn't choose me" "I'm not one of those types of women" I obviously don't think I deserve one of those men. Your study highlights that basically, in other words, women are more superficial than men. I don't know if it's location, but here, the opposite is true. Trust me.

It's not anything to do with men are more anything than women. I never meant to imply that gender had anything to do with that specifically. I said "people are so superficial" not men. I am a person as are you. While there are gender specific things going on here, I don't mean to imply anything of the sort. I may have said things that sound like it, but my intentions behind my sayings have little to do with gender. Women - as is proven but my entire post - are superficial too. Thanks for playing devils advocate.

If I man were to post my post, I would not be turned off. My empathy would be on overdrive because I get him. So you're wrong there. It would be a turn on for me because of the one thing I am strong in. Being vulnerable.

Good points, but it's a viewpoint that's out there.

I feel that you were being cynical about love - this is usually how men get cynical about it, too.
 
Good points, but it's a viewpoint that's out there.

I feel that you were being cynical about love - this is usually how men get cynical about it, too.
Now that, you're probably very accurate about. However since i don't understand my own feelings, I can't tell if I am cynical about it, or just being a whiny little bitch bc nobody usually likes me that way. :p Maybe both. Lol
 
I'll be honest, it's an opinion I sometimes have when I'm really cynical, but I don't believe that it's the truth.

Hence the 'devil's advocate' thing that no one actually believes ever :tearsofjoy:.

Hey, I do it too. Haha. You're right, I didn't believe it. My "thanks for playing devils advocate" remark was pretty sarcastic. :tearsofjoy:

But you're still my friend and I respect your views. :)
 
Hence the 'devil's advocate' thing that no one actually believes ever :tearsofjoy:.

I just thought it was important to highlight that point in particular. People start talking in this 80/20 manner and like there's some sort of ladder. That's all bullshit really. If you have confidence, drive, humility, and other characteristics, your life will naturally follow course in a lot of ways. If you want a superficial person to take an interest in you then just become superficial yourself. People like themselves a lot.

/rant
 
I'll be honest, it's an opinion I sometimes have when I'm really cynical, but I don't believe that it's the truth.

Hence the 'devil's advocate' thing that no one actually believes ever :tearsofjoy:.
By the way, speaking of how opinions sort of change depending on what mood we're in, does everyone do that, or is it an INFJ thing?
 
I just thought it was important to highlight that point in particular. People start talking in this 80/20 manner and like there's some sort of ladder. That's all bullshit really. If you have confidence, drive, humility, and other characteristics, your life will naturally follow course in a lot of ways. If you want a superficial person to take an interest in you then just become superficial yourself. People like themselves a lot.

/rant
But do they have to be superficial though? I guess so, since i am to an extent. That's what i deserve i guess for being that way lol. What if it was a person that semi fit into my type, or hell, let's forget the type altogether and just say someone I'm attracted to regardless of their looks...

Now I'm just digging myself deeper. Forget it. Lol

Ugh. Leave it to you to make me feel guilty lmao. I really am awful but the fact that I'm wonderful in other ways makes up for it. Lol.
 
That's the part that got me, man. Hit me in the face.

It's ok to be a little superficial because we all are. But how far are you willing to go to get what you want, that's the deeper question.