desperate to escape? | INFJ Forum

desperate to escape?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by soulseeker, May 27, 2009.

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  1. soulseeker

    soulseeker Permanent Fixture

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    as i posted on my other threads, i do have a lot of trouble at school or every place I go. I just feel so emotionally left out, rejected, unwanted, useless and just nobody.
    when i was in school i was really waiting for our summer break. and i thought that i was just over thinking about everything. like my problems with friends and with myself and how other people don't understand me. i thought that after summer i would be fine.

    but then now, i guess that's not what's happening. it's almost school AGAIN. and it all came back. i forgot how it felt. and now, i'm feeling it again. it's just horrible. i hate this feeling. i can't believe this is all happening to me.

    i mean nobody does understand me and i quite accept that. my parents don't understand me. or anything. my relatives or other friends won't even take me seriously and also my parents. because they think that i'm too young to know this and that and everything.

    so, whether i'm in school or at home, i'm not accepted. i'm never accepted anywhere anyway so fine i'm okay with that (not that i don't want to be accepted.. but i have a least convinced myself that i would never be accepted)

    the reason that it's okay for me to stay with my family who does not even understand me, and i still feel useless, rejected and all that rather than at school because, at school, it seems like there's just too much people. too much people to deal with.

    and i don't know how to get over this problem.......
    i'm going back to school.....
    i'm gonna have to feel depressed AGAIN....
    i'm gonna have to suffer again.......
    i'm gonna have to face what i have to face........

    how is this!??! i just don't get it anymore!!!!!!!
    am i supposed to just face it like that......being rejected always!?!?
    i mean i'm not bad....... i know that.....

    i just hate this feeling..... it's coming back again.. you know that feeling when you have a problem like you know you're alone and you just don't know where to go when you're lost... then you're looking forward for an escape.. and you found it... but then it didn't turn out to be a REAL escape...you didn't expect it to be a trap and then your problems just BOUNCED BACK TO YOU AGAIN.........

    (i think it's harder at school because i'm forced to deal and talk to people and face them and everything even if i don't want to unlike at home, or other places. it's really hard..........)

    so are we just made to be miserable or what?!?!!?
    i mean we help people.......
    we help them even if they're mean to us......
    it's just that we help them because we feel like it
    and we pity them
    and we are good people
    and we get nothing back
    is it always like that!?!?
    i mean we get rejected, we help, we get rejected, we help, we get rejected
    what are INFJs for?
    it is nice to be one......but do we always have to get hurt and depressed like this!?!? can't we be just like others!?!?! aren't we normal?
     
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  2. bamf

    bamf Is Watching You
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    To answer your last question, you're as normal as you want to see yourself as and it's as simple as that. I'm strange, quirky, odd, dorky, a loner, or what ever I feel like I am, but I see it as normal so I am normal.

    You are a very unique person but you are no where near as different as you may think you are (and I mean that in a good way, I'm not trying to knock you). All people (INFJ's or not) feel some parts of what you describe, and not that it makes your worries any less important, try to take some solace in knowing you don't suffer alone.

    The only other advice I am really qualified to offer you is if you think this depression is serious (read: affecting your daily life in any way, shape, or form), maybe seeing a psychologist would be of help. My experience with my doctor has been great and eye-opening.
     
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  3. yepunsarang

    yepunsarang Community Member

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    Soulseeker...

    I'm so sorry to hear how trapped you feel. I know, sometimes I want to run away from this world...run into the arms of nothing. People especially make me frustrated, upset, because they disappoint me so much, because i'm so misunderstood. I too, wonder why we, wonderful people with so much empathy, so much intense love and forgiveness for a world of people that don't seem to even care...have to feel this way.

    But the truth is, there are people out there who are like you. There are people who can embrace you and understand. In high school, I went through the same, similar trying period. One time, I felt so thoroughly convinced that something was wrong with me---that it was ME that was strange.

    But you know what soulseeker? I found some individuals in my life that are like gold because they love me, understand me, and feel "different" and alone too. It's almost like God has placed other halves like me in this world and when we're together, we're whole. I believe really strongly that we're here for a reason...especially us wonderful people.

    You'll find some people who embrace you for who you are...who understand you deeply. I'm assuming you're in high school, but when you're young, it's a trying period cause so many people are immature. But you'll meet these people. I believe that someone as wonderful as you, is bound to meet someone just as wonderful, as I have.

    ...and you know what? This is proof. I'm writing this post for you, understanding you, totally understanding you, sending you my love. If I could, I would sit next to you and give you a hug. But distance doesn't matter. You're like me. So stay strong, stay convinced that YOU are the one that is SPECIAL. This immense capacity that you have is a gift.

    xoxo
     
    #3 yepunsarang, May 27, 2009
    Last edited: May 27, 2009
  4. J. Cardigan

    J. Cardigan Community Member

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    You just described me, but to be perfectly blunt I think you're being a bit melodramatic.

    I've always felt the way you described. I almost never feel like I belong, even in places where I have a lot in common with others. For instance, I fix computers as a part-time job, but I don't feel like I "click" with most of my coworkers even though we share a common knowledge base and similar problem-solving skills.

    Same with school. It's not that I don't get along with my classmates, but I'm not interested in most of them and I feel that most of them aren't interested in me.

    After years of feeling this way, I've come to the realization that the easiest solution is to force yourself to do something about it. It's not only extremely difficult, but there's no guarantee it will work. I'm currently in the process of changing where I live, my choice of study, and lifestyle choices (I'm going to try out for my school's cross-country team, which I've never done before). I'm not doing it because I expect a good outcome; I'm doing it because I'm not pleased with the way I'm living my life and I don't give a fuck if this doesn't do anything. It's just a change and I welcome it.

    A lot of it depends on your perspective and your willingness to change your situation. Sitting back and feeling sorry for yourself will get you nowhere.

    My best friend died last week. We talked constantly, and I always knew I could depend on him to talk to about whatever problem I was having. I don't think I've ever felt more lost than I do right now. You know what, though? I still plan on making fundamental changes to the way I live my life, because sitting around and thinking about how miserable I am isn't going to do anything. At the very least, I'll be busy and won't have the time to think about how much I hate life.

    If you really feel like you need to, go to therapy. Life sucks and there are ways you can make it suck less, but they won't just come to you. You have to make an active effort to distract yourself. You may even find this elusive "happiness" thing by accident.
     
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  5. OP
    soulseeker

    soulseeker Permanent Fixture

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    well.. maybe yes i may be a bit exaggerated... but i don't know, i am always exaggerated..... not totally.. just a bit..

    condolence to your best friend...... really... i'll pray for you

    and thanks for being honest about the real thing...

    it's just that now, in our place i can't really make changes like those but i would love to.. that's exactly what i wanted... to make changes for myself. but i am still considered to be young and very innocent in our culture or wtvr... it's always been my parents making decisions for me..

    i think that i am being exaggerated because
    i just can't control my life.. i can but not make those changes that could help me alot because my parents should make them for me.. and everytime i talk to them about it or anything related to it, they don't really seem to understand so i think i'll just have to face this problem until it's gone....

    but really thanks and i will pray for you and for your best friend
     
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  6. Jana

    Jana Searching...

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    We all feel lonely and desperate sometimes, you know:) When I was in school, I wasn't very sociable person. I had some friends, but always felt a little bit like outsider. I think it's common for lot of teenage infjs and not just infjs. Maybe because of interests, I didn't like loud places, clubs, dancing, drinking etc. So,I think I understand what you feel. Here is my advices, they were working for me, maybe something of that will useful for you:)
    1.Diary, old fashioned paper diary. Writing about your thoughts, dreams, books you read songs you like can help you to become more self-confinednt.
    2.Try to find something you like. Some field of knowledge or art or sport and learn about. Learning can be liberating.
    3.Music. Don't need to explain, music can make us to feel better.
    4.Try to meet people in school. You don't have to know everybody, but you can find someone with whom you have something incommon. I am sure that there is in your school some person that also feel as you. We don't actually need best friend who will understand us totally, but we can find people that will like us and understand us in their unique way. I am sure you are a good person, somebody will be happy to be your friend.
    5.You said that your parent don't understand you. I don't know how things are in your family, but even if they don't understand you, they love you. It 's a great thing.
    6. Somebody say that if you feel very depressed, maybe you should try to talk to some specialist. Maybe you have psicholog or pedagogue in your school or somewhere else.
    7. This forum:) I love this forum!
    8. Look on going back to school as on chance for new begining. You don't need to be afraid, you are equal to everybody.
    9. And yes, for me, I felt better as I was older. So, your best days are waiting somewhere for you. Prepare yourself for them:)
     
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  7. Jana

    Jana Searching...

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    Then be patience untill you will can make your own decisions.
    I understand you are a dancer, it's great. I have great admiration for dancers, maybe because I dance, uf, terrible. But it's great art!
    And I will pray for you.
     
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  8. amplified83

    amplified83 Regular Poster

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    Soulseeker, I have an idea of what you're going through. For the longest time I felt that I was everyone's "protector" but no one was "protecting" me. I would tend to get in very very negative relationships for me where I would end up being used simply because I felt like it was my responsibility to help them. Our fatal flaw as INFJs (and some ENFJs), it seems, is to be really compassionate toward others to the point where we are easily harmed. I solved this though by keeping a check on how relationships are going so I hopefully avoid being used. hopefully. It seems to be working pretty well right now...
    However, to help you with your problem, I strongly suggest writing down your feelings. This will help you work through what's bugging you so that hopefully its more in the open. Something my friend had me do was have me write 10 good things about myself and 10 bad things. It is a good thing to do to boost your confidence and self-awareness (i felt much better after I realized that there WERE at least 10 good things about myself). Another thing that I like to do is listen to music. It's SO therapeutic. Also, go on nice solitary walks, and try meditating. Both of those are great if you feel a need for solace. Lastly, do not be afraid to seek help if you need it. As an introvert and an F type, I was so afraid of harming people I love and/or causing them to turn their backs on me as a result of expressing my issues that I did not seek help. I suffered for a very long time as a result.
    It'll be alright Soulseeker :)
     
  9. rainrise

    rainrise Community Member

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    this is alarmingly true, especially before we realize that not everyone else perceives the world like we do.

    when i was much younger and before i took the MBTI, i naturally thought everyone saw the world like me as i was a human like everyone else; i thought they used the same cognitive functions as i did, Ni being dominant.

    it was confusing when i was misunderstood as something i perceived to be obvious, to myself, was not apparent to many others. when i observed others who exhibited tactless, manipulative, or impulsive traits, i always led me to blame them since i thought they should know better (of course this was egocentric to my own personality, but i was a kid and didn't understand then).

    this also led me to give to be too lenient to those who did not deserve it since i believed they, like me as human beings, knew the extent/consequences of their actions (as wholly as INFJs know themselves and monitor their own actions).
     
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  10. J. Cardigan

    J. Cardigan Community Member

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    I noticed your location before I typed out my post, but I didn't take it into account as it was 3AM when I wrote that. Your culture is obviously different than mine, and your age (I don't know how old you are) might be a prohibitive factor as well.

    A lot of it has to do with your disposition, but if you keep feeling like you're getting your ass kicked by life then it starts to wear down on you. The best advice I can give you is to try to do something to spur change in your life and do your best to keep your head up.
     
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  11. slant

    slant Ruboobie

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    What's up with all the praying in this thread?

    Anyway, sounds like to me you're just upset because your freedom is restricted. Just slack off until you hit adulthood and then you can do whatever the hell you want! :D
     
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  12. J. Cardigan

    J. Cardigan Community Member

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    Is there something wrong with prayer? I don't pray, but I don't see why there would be a problem with it...

    I think you've missed the point of the thread. Soulseeker seems to be a little more than "upset" and it's not over lack of freedom. Re-read the posts and if you still don't get it you may just want to ignore the thread.
     
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  13. Eniko

    Eniko May snark if provoked
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    I don't really know what to post here in terms of advice, but I at least wanted to post something to say "you're not alone", so here goes.

    Highschool was hell on earth for me. Besides being INFJ I had some other giant life altering issues, and that certainly didn't help. I got through it by adopting a public persona of just not giving a shit and hey presto, people stopped bugging me.

    Unfortunately they also stopped wanting to interact with me, but that was the price I paid.

    Like Cardigan the best thing to do in situations where you're unhappy with your life is to make a change. I'm 26 and I'm doing just that, making myself not sit down and complain about what I feel is wrong but taking steps to change that. But we're adults, so that makes that kind of thing a little easier.

    Looking back now on my time struggling through school I wish I'd known what I know now. Hindsight is 20/20 but looking back I see things I could've done. At the same time, I know that I was a completely different person back then, and I don't know if I would've had the drive and willpower to follow through with it. Probably not.

    Which is why I don't have much good advice to give you. Just know there are always parts of your life you control, and try to effect some small changes through those. It might not fix your problems, but it might make you feel better that you're doing something and not just letting it all happen.

    Also I have to echo that seeing a therapist of some sort might be a good idea. I was extremely resistant to the idea of doing that for so long, and I was basically forced into it. Fortunately I found a therapist I could trust and now I look forward to being able to talk about my life without holding anything back every month, and get an honest, unbiased opinion on it. It really does help.

    Either way, you're not alone the way you feel, and eventually this too shall pass.
     
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  14. slant

    slant Ruboobie

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    Nothing is wrong with praying, it just has the tendency to make me uncomfortable.
    It just seems to me that, as has been stated before, there is an emotional overreaction in these posts. I can only assume by several mentions in the original post that it is because of a lack of freedom. People have suggested she finds help, she goes to therapy, etc, but apparently it is her parents who are unwielding and will not allow for it. So you've got to look at it from this perspective: she can't get help, she can't do anything. So the best option is just to wait it out until she's of legal age to do something about it.
     
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  15. Jana

    Jana Searching...

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    Well, there is always ideal option and the good possible options. You do what you can to make some times in life easier. There is always something that can help us, even it's just little help.
     
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