Dating that Leads to Marriage? | Page 4 | INFJ Forum

Dating that Leads to Marriage?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by RunDeep, Nov 7, 2016.

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  1. Jet

    Jet The Token Extravert

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    I think I would rather have some of hat cake @Eventhorizon was talking about ;)
     
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    RunDeep

    RunDeep Regular Poster

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    @Jet, from the vibes I'm picking up on, it sounds like you may need to experience love from a real man. Then you might be a bit more positive regarding marriage. ;) I hope you can experience that someday and I'm hoping the best for you!
     
  3. Gaze

    Gaze My word . . . hmm
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    Settling for me, is wanting something less than a commitment of love, passion, and marriage. I may never have it but a girl can dream. :D I don't think marriage is just a piece of paper, and I don't think it's a lost cause. Everyone's experience shapes them. In my experience, living together would be acceptable, but not good enough. It would never offer the stability, comfort, and connection to my partner that marriage would offer. I think not wanting to commit to marriage for fear of all that can go wrong is dooming marriage, not marriage itself. Both people must go into it, and maneuver it with the right attitude, not as a romantic dream that's based on a fairy tale. People change, and people grow. That doesn't mean marriage has to end. It means, there's room for flexibility and adaptability along the way. I've always wanted a companion for life: A husband who is my love, life partner, friend, etc. Idealistic perhaps, but that's vision. Nothing else would be as satisfying, even if I were to accept less. Marriage is not about wanting to be with someone in the moment, for the time being, or for as long as it feels good and everything is great. Marriage is for the long term, thick and thin, through the fire, with burns, etc. It goes far beyond being in a long term relationship. It's a bone deep sacrifice and commitment to one person. And it's not just a piece of paper. If it was, it wouldn't be fought for and valued as highly as it is. It takes far more than two people loving each other to be married. I think most people don't fully understand what marriage is supposed to be about, so they blame if for problems caused by society's mixed messages. Marriage is not the problem, it's how we see it, and how we do or don't prepare for it, that's the real issue.
     
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  4. ruji

    ruji Well-known weirdo

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    You're basically saying "You really need to try this crack to know it's good for you". Some of us have experienced it enough to know that being compromized by emotions isn't strong, it's just irresponsible.
     
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  5. OP
    RunDeep

    RunDeep Regular Poster

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    I absolutely love this and agree with you 100%. You said exactly what I was thinking throughout these posts and summed it all up rather eloquently if I do say. :)
     
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  6. Comet

    Comet Newbie

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    This really resonated with me. My parents have one of the most amazing relationships I've ever seen. And you know why? They choose to love one another even when it gets shaky and always come out stronger and more in love than before. They've been married for 27 years now are more in love than on their wedding day. They truly are an amazing team and are an inspiration to me and my fiance.

    So, don't listen to people who say a beautiful marriage is unrealistic. People like you, @RunDeep, are the kind of people who can change the world because they have a dream and values to strive for.
     
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  7. Comet

    Comet Newbie

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    With all that said its important that you find a wife who shares those same values, obviously. You will be just fine. You seem like a beautiful soul, my friend. Any girl would be lucky to marry you. @RunDeep
     
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  8. Jet

    Jet The Token Extravert

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    My parents got married after knowing each other for 3 months...have been married 32 years. Because of hard work, not love. Sure there was love but mostly it was them jointly working towards the same goal.

    You sound like the women who speak of the beauty and miracle of childbirth, when that is just not the reality. Just because something can be figuratively (or in the case of childbirth, literally) shitty doesn't make it any less worthwhile.

    Oh and changing the world goes a lot easier if you have a solid game plan in addition to just dreams and values. Actual change takes boots on the ground as they say.
     
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  9. Jet

    Jet The Token Extravert

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    Especially if run isn't the only deep thing he does ;)

    Because while sex can not make a relationship, it can definitely break it if people are on different pages.
     
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  10. OP
    RunDeep

    RunDeep Regular Poster

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    You are certainly correct in that marriage takes hard work and a game plan-- it does-- in addition to love, dreams, values, etc. ;) A balance of everything is key!

    @Comet Thank you for the encouragement... You are very very kind! You seem like a wonderful person too. :)
     
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    RunDeep

    RunDeep Regular Poster

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    Haha oh my. *redface* *cheesy grin* XD
     
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  12. Jet

    Jet The Token Extravert

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    That is all I am saying man. It may not seem like it but I am a hopeless romantic, but that looks different for everyone. From a pragmatic standpoint, plans and compatibility and all that other stuff does not make a love any less, and since that is the case, I just don't understand why so many find it unromantic or a tarnish on love and marriage to take such things into account.
     
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  13. Jet

    Jet The Token Extravert

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    <3 I'm just giving you a hard time man. Had my brother lived he would be your age now so I like to pretend I still have some sisterly advice to dole out to the slightly creeped out young men of the interwebz.
     
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    RunDeep

    RunDeep Regular Poster

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    <3 <3 <3 Well I appreciate you looking out for us. XD
     
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  15. Gaze

    Gaze My word . . . hmm
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    Love doesn't have to be realistic. It's love. You can date or marry someone who looks good on paper, and have all the right compatibility, and the right qualities, etc. and yet, have an unhappy marriage. So, no, love doesn't have to follow the rules of practicality to be successful. Depends on the couple. Sometimes, it's just two people deciding they are going to make it work in love even if they don't have everything sorted out. Both just need to be on the same page.

    No one can define for someone what an experience of love or marriage will be like.Yes, we can offer advice or experiences, but it's unfair to determine for someone what they will feel about it, even before they'd started their journey. It's always unique despite the imagination. I remember hearing so many things about what you're supposed to feel and think when you're in love, and most of it was never applicable to me when I finally experienced it. It was far removed from what I was told that I should feel and think. If I'd held on to what I'd heard you should feel, I would not have enjoyed the experience as much, because I would have been focusing on ways I was supposed to be disappointed based on what I was told to expect.

    So, everyone has the right to experience the things they want in their own time, and on their own terms. You don't have to envision the world, or shooting stars, or perfection. It may simply be finding that person who wants to take the journey with you, and finding new reasons everyday to recommit, so that the journey together, is stronger, as time passes. It was never about having a perfectly in love experiences, but learning from experiences to better understand love.
     
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    #75 Gaze, Nov 8, 2016
    Last edited: Nov 9, 2016
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  16. Zafronio25

    Zafronio25 Newbie

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    When I'm dating someone, marriage isn't something I think about, hardly at all (if even any at all). I tend to be more long-term oriented than many of my peers in this instance, and I value someone who is into thinking about what holds in the future. With that said, I think you can still be long-term and committed without "putting a ring on it." This isn't to undermine the sense of depth and loyalty that comes with official marriage vows. It's actually more of a building up on the idea that a relationship can still be meaningful, committed to one another, and valued by both parties without it.

    I think marriage can be a great thing and if both sides given a few years or so think it's a smart option/works, then I encourage it. I think what @Jet said earlier about it quite literally doing nothing to change the relationship is a vital piece of info. The simple act of being married doesn't, and shouldn't change the relationship itself. Marriage doesn't "Fix" anything.

    Anyways, my 2 cents. :)
    ~Zafronio
     
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  17. Pin

    Pin "Magnificent Bastard" / Ren's Counterpart

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    I date to marry.

    The idea of having many girlfriends is a waste of time in my book. I'd rather just get to the point and be married to one.

    I know, I know, impatient.
     
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