After reading other people experiences here I thought a bit more on why a lot of INFJs are so bad at dating when we are called people fixers and mind readers by other types. How is it that we can easily spot little inconsistencies in relationships of others and predict the outcome, but we fail to apply it to ourselves? Why are we overwhelmed by feelings of insecurity and estrangement when interacting in a potentially romantic situation? Is it in the way we think?
These observations come from one my own personal experience, so they would not necessary apply to other people here. Things like gender, age, childhood experience can influence the outcome quite significantly. Maybe you're a good INFJ lover - in that case I would like to hear and learn from you.
My primary tool of operation is the famous introverted intuition. That means that I am constantly intaking data from my sensory experiences and compare it to a set of patterns that I built up earlier. When there is a match I "get" a glimpse of intuition, because I came to it in a nonlinear fashion. To people that prefer other processes it can seem like magic or clairvoyance, but it's really none of the sort. I am simply good at it - I am not even aware when doing it most of the time and I do not know which of the patterns matched exactly.
But that also means, that if I do not have a positive and reassuring pattern then this ability becomes useless. As observed by other types I only think that I know how other people feel based on my intuition when in reality I do not know. Sometimes I can be completely misguided about it and not suspect a thing.
Say for example if I never had a satisfying romantic experience before and I stumble upon a girl who is attractive to me. My eyes submit this information to the brain which searches for a pattern and finds none. Or worse, finds a negative association (if I was rejected before in a similar situation). And that's it - suddenly I feel like taken out of water completely puzzled on what to do next. The only solution is to activate secondary processes - like Ne and Fe which I am not very good at. In fact I have been through a lot of situations where my internal intuition would detect something negative about a particular situation (which I am not even consciously aware) and I would become paralyzed, unable to come with anything sensible on the spot other than an internal desire to retreat. Ni overrules Ne and I cannot think of any creative solution. Only when I am comfortable and relaxed (internal intuition tells that everything is OK) I would come with some really good ideas on what to do.
What are your experiences, do they relate? Do you know any good strategies to avoid Ni sabotage in romantic situations?
These observations come from one my own personal experience, so they would not necessary apply to other people here. Things like gender, age, childhood experience can influence the outcome quite significantly. Maybe you're a good INFJ lover - in that case I would like to hear and learn from you.
My primary tool of operation is the famous introverted intuition. That means that I am constantly intaking data from my sensory experiences and compare it to a set of patterns that I built up earlier. When there is a match I "get" a glimpse of intuition, because I came to it in a nonlinear fashion. To people that prefer other processes it can seem like magic or clairvoyance, but it's really none of the sort. I am simply good at it - I am not even aware when doing it most of the time and I do not know which of the patterns matched exactly.
But that also means, that if I do not have a positive and reassuring pattern then this ability becomes useless. As observed by other types I only think that I know how other people feel based on my intuition when in reality I do not know. Sometimes I can be completely misguided about it and not suspect a thing.
Say for example if I never had a satisfying romantic experience before and I stumble upon a girl who is attractive to me. My eyes submit this information to the brain which searches for a pattern and finds none. Or worse, finds a negative association (if I was rejected before in a similar situation). And that's it - suddenly I feel like taken out of water completely puzzled on what to do next. The only solution is to activate secondary processes - like Ne and Fe which I am not very good at. In fact I have been through a lot of situations where my internal intuition would detect something negative about a particular situation (which I am not even consciously aware) and I would become paralyzed, unable to come with anything sensible on the spot other than an internal desire to retreat. Ni overrules Ne and I cannot think of any creative solution. Only when I am comfortable and relaxed (internal intuition tells that everything is OK) I would come with some really good ideas on what to do.
What are your experiences, do they relate? Do you know any good strategies to avoid Ni sabotage in romantic situations?
