Competition and the INFJ

[xjamx]

I've read that INFJ types are not competitive and dislike working or learning in those kinds of environments. I identify strongly with most of the iNFJ traits except for the competition part. I am fiercely competitive in areas which I consider important (i.e. academics). The strength of my desire to rise to the top is so overpowering, I instantly despise any potential rivals that I first encounter in a situation. The problem is I am also deeply ashamed of this volcanic energy within me. 'Competitive' seems almost like a dirty word to me, like it's wrong for me to be sending out such negative vibes into the air.

What do you guys think? How can I reconcile my competitive nature with also being an INFJ. Could I still legitimately call myself an INFJ if I am also so competitive?

Thanks... I feel that same tinge of shame even as I write this post!

 

[Vict]

Winning is awesome. Enjoy your success.

Just don't be an ass about it.

 

[Flavus Aquila]

I unashamedly love winning.

 

[Trifoilum]

My advice to you would be not to vanquish that competitive spirit, but to be properly appreciative, respectful, and fair to the rivals you have.

I'm talking in a personal capacity here, not as an INFJ; there's nothing wrong with being competitive. It is when the competition exists alongside hatred and despise and manifested in bad emotions, words, or actions that it gets problematic.

 

[magister343]

The INFJ I know best in real life claims not to be competitive. We have not however really been in many sitations together where I could confirm or deny this. A girl I used to know who seems more strongly INFJ than anyone I've ever met was extremely competitive though, particularly at games like Taboo. I hear that another girl I used to know who seems almost as strongly INFJ is extremely competitive when it comes to Tennis and Paintball.


I, and INTP, am not at all competitive. In elementary, middle, and high school I was often amused at how people seemed to be striving so hard to compete with me, while I hardly tried at all and still usually did better than them. When I play compute games like Civ IV, I generally disable all possible victory conditions.

I do find my INFP mother's type of lack of competitiveness annoying though. She cheers when someone else beats her at just about anything. That makes it seem like she is trying to lose, and there is no point in including her in a game as she won't take it seriously.

 

[the]

I think INFJs are very competitive in some things but not in others. Just like everyone else.

 

[CindyLou]

I am not competitive at all, in any way. Buuuuuuut is that really true deep down?

I don't know.

I remember cheering for my rivals as back as when I was in elementary school. But, that was to fvck with their heads. Lol, seriously. Wow, was I a rotten kid? I always thought I was so sweet.

 

[Paladin-X]

I am also very competitive.

I wonder, for the INFJ's that are more competitive, if the disparity between the T and F dichotomy is much smaller than those that are less competitive? In my case, I am almost dead center between T and F, though slightly leaning more on the F.

 

[benny]

I think how competitive/non-competitive I am is related to my own insecurities. When it comes to academics I've always been very competitive. Getting good grades is one of the few things I've always been great at. It's the area where I can shine, and I hate to see anyone do better than me, because then it feels like that one thing that was mine is being taken away from me. I think this is an unhealthy attitude to have and I hope I don't always feel this way, but that's the way it is.

But then when it comes to other things like sports and games, any area where I'm not confident in my abilities, I hate competition. But it still comes from a place of negativity. I'm not competitive because I know I'm probably going to lose, and I hate losing because it makes me feel inferior to the winner.

Though actually, I think regardless of how competitive I actually am, I never like competition. I don't enjoy the feeling of being pitted against someone else. It doesn't feel nice.

But I don't think competitiveness is really a deciding factor in whether or not you're an INFJ. One INFJ trait that I don't really identify with is being guarded or private. I can be trusting to a fault, and it doesn't take me long to open up to someone new if I don't feel uncomfortable with them. But I'm still an INFJ.

 

[Lerxst]

In some cases I get... caught up in the moment. I wouldn't say it has anything to do with competition. The more competitive the people around me, the more competitive I become. The more relaxed they are, the more relaxed I am.

If I'm ever really competitive, it's usually towards my own self. Golf, for instance. I can easily get pissed off, throw things around and curse myself out for messing up, even when I'm not playing with anyone around.

Of course I like winning though

 

[tfg345i4u5lw]

You shouldn't have to reconcile your competitive nature with also being an INFJ. INFJ's are just as capable of being competitive as any other MBTI type. If anything INFJ's make some of the most fierce competitors out there, especially in combat sports. Here's why:

I: Our thoughts are focused inward which is a trait that many world level athletes have. People like Michael Phelps for example don't compare themselves to others, they compare themselves to themselves. Introverts usually wake up in the morning and say "what can I do to improve myself". This is a competitive trait.

N: Setting goals, seeing paths and possible outcomes. iNtuitives are very good at setting goals and working to achieve those goals. They can see the end result clearly before it has actualized itself, so it's very easy for them to gradually turn their goals into reality. Another competitive trait.

F: This is the most competitive trait in MBTI. Boxers, wrestlers, kick boxers, football players, etc. are usually extremely emotional people. Extroverted feelers have the ability to extract emotions from the people who surround them, they extract even more emotions from the people they love. For example, an extroverted feeler can become a very competitive person because he/she wants to make his loved ones proud or wants to make them happy by giving them a better life. This is a very competitive trait.

J: Organizing thoughts. Getting up in the morning and making a list of goals is a total J activity. People who organize their thoughts are very likely to be strong competitors.

I have INFJ tendencies and I am also super competitive.

 

[tfg345i4u5lw]

Extroverted feelers before a football game generating competitive energy with one another...

[video=youtube;04ktDRKsRb8]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04ktDRKsRb8[/video]

 

[Matt3737]

I am the most non-competitive person on this forum, so I win!

 

[Quiet]

For all the competitive people-

Are you trying to compete against yourself to be the best person you can be and to guage your strengths in an objective manner?
or
Are you trying to win so you can establish self worth by proving you are better than someone else?

What are you trying to achieve?
What are you trying to prove?
Why is your self worth tied to certain abilities?
Why do you need to think you are better than someone else. What does this actually prove to you and what have you really gained?

 

[James]

I'm quite competitive but I'm not saying that is a good thing. I'm fairly close on the "F/T" divide which maybe makes a difference. I don't like seeing others crushed or beaten though, normally my competitive side only comes out when I think something is wrong, or someone is behaving badly and intends to hurt others.

There is an interesting theory on conflict called the Thomas Kilmann response to stress which shows 4 aspects, competition, cooperation, compromise and collaboration. Obviously collaboration is the best route where possible, though all styles have their place.

The sad thing is in competitive behaviour there is always a loser, and to me is a throwback to a time when we had limited resources and no realistic choice. It can be a positive too, and help drive us to attain better results/performance than we otherwise would.

 

[tfg345i4u5lw]

For all the competitive people-

Are you trying to compete against yourself to be the best person you can be and to guage your strengths in an objective manner?
or
Are you trying to win so you can establish self worth by proving you are better than someone else?

What are you trying to achieve?
What are you trying to prove?
Why is your self worth tied to certain abilities?
Why do you need to think you are better than someone else. What does this actually prove to you and what have you really gained?

I have always thought about this and I don't know the answer. I was raised to be a wrestler since I was 4 years old. I was competing in wrestling before I even knew what the concept of competition was, competitiveness was taught to me by my dad. At around 11 years old it completely took over my life and it was my whole identity from then on. Sometimes when I look back I think it was unhealthy. I never knew who I was as a kid, I knew I was a wrestler, but beyond that I had no clue. I was just a machine. Wrestling was a very surreal experience. I love it so much and there is a piece of me that will always be incomplete without it. When I stopped wrestling my whole world imploded. For the first time in my life I had to learn how to be a normal person, I had tons of time on my hands. I turned suicidal and started hating life. Most the people I met outside the wrestling community didn't even know what wrestling was. I tell them I'm a wrestler and they think I'm talking about WWF!! Do you know how frustrating that is for someone who dedicates their whole life to a sport??? For it to get confused with acting!! Ranting....

I don't know what it was that drove me. I got lots of positive attention from my family and friends, I made my dad really proud. I was in the newspaper every week. Girls used to like me because I was tough. I got lots of attention from my coaches and fellow wrestlers. It's fascinating because the whole time I was underdeveloped mentally. I was in a little cloud and when I came down I crashed hard.

I love wrestling. It's a very complex thing. I love it. But I hate it. Competition was part of my life since I was a baby, I never learned competition. If anything I unlearned it.

 

[Quiet]

this is a cool song
Better than- John Butler Trio

[video=youtube_share;79cG_F1GxfI]http://youtu.be/79cG_F1GxfI[/video]

 

[Billy]

I've read that INFJ types are not competitive and dislike working or learning in those kinds of environments. I identify strongly with most of the iNFJ traits except for the competition part. I am fiercely competitive in areas which I consider important (i.e. academics). The strength of my desire to rise to the top is so overpowering, I instantly despise any potential rivals that I first encounter in a situation. The problem is I am also deeply ashamed of this volcanic energy within me. 'Competitive' seems almost like a dirty word to me, like it's wrong for me to be sending out such negative vibes into the air.

What do you guys think? How can I reconcile my competitive nature with also being an INFJ. Could I still legitimately call myself an INFJ if I am also so competitive?

Thanks... I feel that same tinge of shame even as I write this post!

Just go for the win, its in your nature to do it, so why not. Just be a gracious winner and share the rewards with those around you. and they will begin to want you to succeed too.

 

[SweetDreams]

You shouldn't have to reconcile your competitive nature with also being an INFJ. INFJ's are just as capable of being competitive as any other MBTI type. If anything INFJ's make some of the most fierce competitors out there, especially in combat sports. Here's why:

I: Our thoughts are focused inward which is a trait that many world level athletes have. People like Michael Phelps for example don't compare themselves to others, they compare themselves to themselves. Introverts usually wake up in the morning and say "what can I do to improve myself". This is a competitive trait.

N: Setting goals, seeing paths and possible outcomes. iNtuitives are very good at setting goals and working to achieve those goals. They can see the end result clearly before it has actualized itself, so it's very easy for them to gradually turn their goals into reality. Another competitive trait.

F: This is the most competitive trait in MBTI. Boxers, wrestlers, kick boxers, football players, etc. are usually extremely emotional people. Extroverted feelers have the ability to extract emotions from the people who surround them, they extract even more emotions from the people they love. For example, an extroverted feeler can become a very competitive person because he/she wants to make his loved ones proud or wants to make them happy by giving them a better life. This is a very competitive trait.

J: Organizing thoughts. Getting up in the morning and making a list of goals is a total J activity. People who organize their thoughts are very likely to be strong competitors.

I have INFJ tendencies and I am also super competitive.

I was about to post something along the exact same lines. For me it's always about competing against my self in a sense, doing the best that I can personally do. I want to make sure that I'm achieving all that I'M capable of, as high or low as that may be. It's never about other people.

I am the most non-competitive person on this forum, so I win!

Haha I see what you did there!

 

[#@&5&49]

I like competitive sports, aspiring to be the best that I can be, and "healthy" competition that builds a sense of team work, independence, and confidence. However, there is a difference between healthy competition and unhealthy competition. Unhealthy competition is when winning becomes so important that you lose sight of everything else. When people start justifying and rationalizing cheap shots and losing respect for the person/s they're competing against and the game itself. To me that isn't competition - that's dysfunction.

I don't think there's anything wrong with competing or competition. Its understanding and being conscious of how and why you're competing. Winning and/or losing doesn't make someone a better or worse person, but striving to be the best that you can be helps a person achieve new heights and can give a person the confidence to pursue a lot of other challenges in life. I've always encouraged my children to play competitive sports, but to play them with integrity. This can be hard to do when there's folks out there teaching their kids to never take their eyes off the score board long enough to notice that they've just unnecessarily and viciously trampled another human being.