[INFJ] Communicating with ISFJ

[RavenSky]

I seriously spazzed out on this isfj I was involved with. I don't understand at all how it happened. I got upset and pretty much vented because there was a major miscommunication and the context of my situation is painful so I really sort of spazzed. I later apologized and he hasn't texted back. We were involved about 4 months. His tritype is 639 (I'm nearly positive on that). I'm so frustrated. I miss him already. I totally have no idea why I reacted so weird (no where near PMS time so I was seriously like, wtf! Lol!).

He wasn't too communicative which bothered me I guess (about private matters so I was being patient waiting and trying to just respect his privacy) but it bothered me nonetheless. I don't suspect he'll ever contact me again seeing as I not only acted crazy, but then went back and apologized for it making me look that much crazier! Lol!

So from that experience what bothers me most is what proceeded me being upset which was a major disconnect in our lines of understanding. Quite literally I say one thing and in my head I have my reasons of why I'm saying what I'm saying and in his head, he concluded I was saying something totally different.

So I'm wondering since this was my first tumble with isfj, why was it going so amazing only to all fall apart in a snap? What happened? Why was there such a stark contrast in understanding. How can I mitigate that problem in the future if I should be so lucky to come across another one. (I really really liked him. Such a goofy quirky personality. And exactly what I needed in ways that matter in relationship). I'm so irritated with myself but I know I had my reasons. I just want to be able to communicate those reasons and my thoughts (the non small talk stuff) in a way isfj's will understand.

Any thoughts or tips on how to better communicate with this type as an infj would be stellar!

Thank you in advance )

 

[Free]

The only advice I can offer on this is that there was/is something that wasn't being communicated, and this is what should be remedied. INFJ's may be good at reading emotions, but that doesn't mean your ISFJ partner is, especially when it comes to you. People only know what you communicate with them, otherwise they don't have a clue about you or what you're thinking or feeling at any given moment. You don't always have to be an open book, but try to be more open with those you care about. Someone with more expertise on the ISFJ side of things can help you more, I think. Good luck to you.

 

[Yva]

My mother is an ESFJ and my cousin is an ISFJ. ESFJ and ISFJ aren't very different from what I experienced but trust me when I say that you don't want to get into a relationship with an ISFJ. He will constantly push you buttons and put words into your mouth. They can tend to skip to conclusions on their own when something isn't express in a direct authoritative verbal way. If you don't want to have that reaction again it is best to force him to talk to you then be upfront on whatever it is you want to say. However this is purely based on personal experience.

 

[Kaleidoscopic]

My best and only friend is an ISFJ. She lives far away from me, so we have been maintaining our long-distance friendship 2 years. She has been studing at home, an online university, and she doesn't have other friends except me.
She leaves home only when her parents send her for groceries. Sometimes she doesn't go out for months. She has a very poor health and since she doesn't socialise she feel alone and depressed. Now she's having anxiety: excessively fast heartbeat, chest constriction...
I've had the same symptoms not long ago, so I gave her advice to get better. Do yoga, breath exercises, go for long walks by the nature, try stop drinking so much tea for a period of time. But she made up excuses for all! I got angry and told her that she doesn't make an effort to get well no one can help her. And she anwered back that she doesn't want to talk about her and left.
What can do to help her? I knew this would happen two years ago when she told me she would be studing at home. She HATES being alone, she's the happiest being with a lot of people and being friendly. But she doesn't want to attend a physical university, she says she likes it because no one can judge her from her laptop. She's always to worried of what others think of her and that's why she's afraid of going out home. I've told her several times my worries but she doesn't want to a change.
Please tell me if you have been in this situation what did you do to solve it. Thank you all of you in advance.