Can Men and Women Be 'Just Friends'?
- Thread starter Faye
- Start date
Most of my friends are female. Always has been that way. Made for some interesting drama at times, but not enough for me to really care and suddenly want to go all "No Girls Allowed".
I had a lot of guy friends in high school, some of which I still consider friends that never showed any sort of interest in me. They could all have secretly wanted to do me I guess, it's possible.I really don't think so though. When you are the fat ugly friend and they very obviously want to screw all your hot friends instead...you don't really worry about such things. In fact the idea that maybe one of them might want to do you is pretty much out of the question. But I tend to believe it is true that given the chance, even if they aren't super attracted to the girl, -most- guys would still hook up with them if there wasn't a better option available.
I refer the forum to this photo: http://www.infjs.com/forums/showthread.php?t=17756&page=53&p=562608&viewfull=1#post562608 which proves that this post is very fishy.
For the most part I would say no but it depends on age difference, marital status, etc... I have a few female friends who are 5 - 40 years older than me and I can honestly say they are friends and I have no interest in them. The age difference is too much for me to have an interest in them relationship wise but because of common interests and similar mindsets we are very compatible as friends. Now for females who are in the same age group, I argue no and not just because I may be physically attracted to them but because there are unknowns. So far most of the arguments I have seen here are from the male side and that is always the male that stops this from being true but that is not always true.
I have been in situations and seen situations where this is obviously not true. An example of a recent issue would be where a good friend (Jack) of mine was friends with a guy (Bill) and the girl (Jill) he was dating. Jack and Jill had been friends before Bill started dating Jill and so had Jack and Bill. Through Jack, Bill and Jill started dating and they all kept their friendship until the relationship turned sour. Bill broke up with Jill and then Jill decided that being with Bill helped her realize that all this time she really did like Jack as more than friends. So three months later after Jack has been the good friend to both Bill and Jill, she breaks the news to him. He is shocked because he thought they were just friends and because of the time they had known each other he had never questioned that. Now though everything has changed and all of a sudden, he is starting to think he likes her too.
There are always two sides and it is never just one side that causes the issue. Too often I see in supposed “just friend’s” relationships of guys and girls, the girls treat the guy like he is one of her girlfriends or like one of her gay friends. Most guys don’t want to be treated like this when they are dating a girl so why would they want to be treated like this when not dating a girl? A guy who is putting up with this is normally only doing so because he hopes that one of those times when the girl calls about how she shouldn’t have slept with a guy, that he will be that guy. This is the guy who is so obviously likes the girl but for some reason she is the only person in the world who does not see this or she does see this but doesn’t want to acknowledge it because she doesn’t want to lose the friendship. I use the word friendship here loosely because it’s more like lapdog but it’s both of their faults and it normally ends rather badly.
Now I do have a friend that is a girl who is my age and we don’t have this issue because she is just another one of the guys. She doesn’t treat me like I am one of her girlfriends, she treats me like I am her brother and I treat her like she is my sister. It is a plutonic relationship but it may not always be that way. I acknowledge that fact because it is just natural for two people of opposite genders who get along well to consider the possibility of dating just because of the fact that they don’t want to kill each other. When you have seen and been through enough shitty relationships where it is just constant bickering and then you find somebody of the opposite gender that you have no issues with and may be attracted to, it’s not hard to see why men and women cannot be friends. Ultimately, most of us are trying to find love and if you find somebody that you get along with as friends, it is very easy to get into thoughts of wondering if it could lead to more.
Once one of the people start thinking about that though, it changes everything and then no, men and women cannot be friends. It is not just the interest in sex that makes it so men and women cannot be together. It’s the interest in intimacy in all its forms; physical, emotional, mental, etc… that makes it very difficult for men and women to be friends.
I have been in situations and seen situations where this is obviously not true. An example of a recent issue would be where a good friend (Jack) of mine was friends with a guy (Bill) and the girl (Jill) he was dating. Jack and Jill had been friends before Bill started dating Jill and so had Jack and Bill. Through Jack, Bill and Jill started dating and they all kept their friendship until the relationship turned sour. Bill broke up with Jill and then Jill decided that being with Bill helped her realize that all this time she really did like Jack as more than friends. So three months later after Jack has been the good friend to both Bill and Jill, she breaks the news to him. He is shocked because he thought they were just friends and because of the time they had known each other he had never questioned that. Now though everything has changed and all of a sudden, he is starting to think he likes her too.
There are always two sides and it is never just one side that causes the issue. Too often I see in supposed “just friend’s” relationships of guys and girls, the girls treat the guy like he is one of her girlfriends or like one of her gay friends. Most guys don’t want to be treated like this when they are dating a girl so why would they want to be treated like this when not dating a girl? A guy who is putting up with this is normally only doing so because he hopes that one of those times when the girl calls about how she shouldn’t have slept with a guy, that he will be that guy. This is the guy who is so obviously likes the girl but for some reason she is the only person in the world who does not see this or she does see this but doesn’t want to acknowledge it because she doesn’t want to lose the friendship. I use the word friendship here loosely because it’s more like lapdog but it’s both of their faults and it normally ends rather badly.
Now I do have a friend that is a girl who is my age and we don’t have this issue because she is just another one of the guys. She doesn’t treat me like I am one of her girlfriends, she treats me like I am her brother and I treat her like she is my sister. It is a plutonic relationship but it may not always be that way. I acknowledge that fact because it is just natural for two people of opposite genders who get along well to consider the possibility of dating just because of the fact that they don’t want to kill each other. When you have seen and been through enough shitty relationships where it is just constant bickering and then you find somebody of the opposite gender that you have no issues with and may be attracted to, it’s not hard to see why men and women cannot be friends. Ultimately, most of us are trying to find love and if you find somebody that you get along with as friends, it is very easy to get into thoughts of wondering if it could lead to more.
Once one of the people start thinking about that though, it changes everything and then no, men and women cannot be friends. It is not just the interest in sex that makes it so men and women cannot be together. It’s the interest in intimacy in all its forms; physical, emotional, mental, etc… that makes it very difficult for men and women to be friends.
T
The Jester
I wonder how bisexual people feel about this.
(No, I haven't read the whole thread, so someone has probably said this before me.
And no, I'm not going to read the whole thread.)
(No, I haven't read the whole thread, so someone has probably said this before me.
And no, I'm not going to read the whole thread.)
Yes, of course.
Though I agree it might be harder to maintain depending on the person. Some people see life strictly in sexual terms and think life revolves around it. I have a lot of female friends (Though I guess it is never awkward due to my own sexual orientation). I also have guy friends (though less than friends of the opposite sex). There can be a bit of tension, but for the most part we've learned to look at each other as nothing more than friends and are quite close.
Though I agree it might be harder to maintain depending on the person. Some people see life strictly in sexual terms and think life revolves around it. I have a lot of female friends (Though I guess it is never awkward due to my own sexual orientation). I also have guy friends (though less than friends of the opposite sex). There can be a bit of tension, but for the most part we've learned to look at each other as nothing more than friends and are quite close.