On spring break last week, I had multiple people tell me that I give off a serious relationship boyfriend vibe which can be intimidating in certain scenarios. I have been thinking about it and I am trying to figure what they mean?!? Is that a compliment or an insult? I really am lost and have just been trying to figure it out. How does one give off a serious relationship boyfriend vibe? Seriously I am so confused. It was also usually followed with the comment along the lines of that I look young but I carry myself like somebody much older
Boyfriend vibe
- Thread starter jimtaylor
- Start date
hmm.
It does sounds like something along the line of 'serious, mature adult'?
Which can and does intimidate some set of people; especially in the context of relationship; for those who seeks instantaneous fun, y'know?
It does sounds like something along the line of 'serious, mature adult'?
Which can and does intimidate some set of people; especially in the context of relationship; for those who seeks instantaneous fun, y'know?
Yeah I was sorta thinking along those lines too. It being a bunch of college kids who are just trying to have fun, having somebody like me I guess could be intimidating. I am far from a buzz kill though because they all said they loved talking with me and just being around me but I guess I just gave off a very different vibe from the rest of the guys down there. I guess I could take it as a compliment that the girls said they just felt safe around me... I don't know. I just didn't realize I give off that type of vibe. It's not like I am trying to, I am just being myself.
Not really, it might be the kind of 'whoa, you seemed to be a really good guy and I have so much time. I'd really like to, you know, have fun with you for a while, you don't seem to be the kind for quick, instant fun (and I'm not willing to pursue the relationship further, at this point), so yeah, tough luck?'
And that's wonderful.
Of course, if you're looking for a girlfriend the problem MIGHT be different... from what I'd heard.That's great, though! Keep being yourself. <3
Well the first comment came from my friend who heard these two girls talking who we where getting drinks with. He just wanted to give me a heads up but one of the girls said something along the lines "he is cute, sweet and a gentlemen but I don't want him to think I'm easy." The last couple of months my friend and I have been eachother's wing men and now and again to help me out he will talk to girls about me. So he knows very well what girls think about me and he has his own opinions. He doesn't mince words at all and he told me straight up that girls say they I am the type of guy they could imagine marrying, having kids with, etc... and that when around me they feel this need to be more mature and a goody good. He said that some of the girls try to impress me by not being slutty, easy, careless, etc...
Essentially, he said I make not only girls but also guys act a certain way. I am not judgemental at all but he says that people feel the need around me to act older. He doesn't of course because he doesn't give a shit about what I think which is why we get a long so well. I get along best with people who tell me to back off and are essentially are as stuborn and determined as me. This is part of the problem though, I have troubles liking somebody who attempts to be what they think would be my ideal girlfriend. I like strong personalities who aren't afraid to tell me to chill and just enjoy myself.
Last edited:
Despite the fact that I love cock blocking, it is so funny. I make sure my friends get their own. I am actually a very good wing man but again these are my fraternity brothers so there is no reason for them to mince words. If I am being a little b**** they are going to call me out on it. We are honest with eachother, like that. I know they don't mean it as a negative either but again I am different.
The best way I think I had one of them put it is that, "Most guys have to slay a few dragons before they find their princess. You just are always constantly finding princesses but none of them are your princess yet." haha
And that's wonderful.
That's great, though! Keep being yourself. <3
Yeah that does some to be the common problem. I think I am just too old for my age. Haha The problem is that I come across as the provider or whatever but I don't want to take care of somebody. My life goal isn't to be somebodies care giver. I want an equal and passionate relationship that is for the most part balanced. It's amazing how difficult that is to find.
[MENTION=2172]Trifoilum[/MENTION] Let's just leave it at that me and girls are not on the same wave length at the moment. I'm going one way and they all seem to be going another way which is causing a lot of friction
Last edited:
Ah, you look like a provider (rugged looks that may be good or bad, good chance that you will have a job 10 years from now to pay for their kids), not a pretty boy (good genes + good looks, bad long term prospect. Think Billy.)
Haha silly girls. That isnt impressive.
Haha which is funny because I read an article yesterday about men and sex. They did a study a couple of years ago where they had an average to below average (I don't know how they measured it, just saying) girls dressed in very normal clothes approach men on a college campus and make some type of suggestion. The suggestion was either to go on a date, hook up that night or come back to her place. 75% of the men agreed to hooking up, 70% agreed to the date and one married guy appoligized that he couldn't hook up because he was married but otherwise he would have said yes. When it comes to hooking up the numbers support that guys are honestly not that picky but the article went on to look at what men want in a relationship. Guys can be just as complicated in this regard. What we like when it comes to just having fun versus what we want in a relationship is sometimes different.
On average guys want someone who is beautiful but not so beautiful that they feel inferior or fear her leaving them for somebody more attractive. Someone intelligent but again not too intelligent that they feel inferior. Also guys like someone who is a freak in bed but a lady in public.
So yes they might be silly but I think they are catching onto something. The problem is they are playing that game with me and I don't play games because I don't understand them.
"INFjs can be very touchy and this may strain the easy atmosphere of a conversation. Sometimes they adopt a monotone speech pattern that can snuff out all playfulness in others." (INFj)
I see the way everyone has described it in this thread as a trend in a lot of the INFJ guys I've met.
In situations where it's not necessary or expected, INFJs can remain very monotone and composed.
They also have an element of gentleness in their presentation.
It's different from the way most other guys/people present themselves I guess, and that can catch people off guard and might make them feel like they should start walking on eggshells: since they just don't know what to expect, maybe their first response would be to mirror you. And that might be why girls would instinctively think they should try to be modest and conservative or whatever in order to impress you.
This is just a guess of course; just my 2 cents.
In situations where it's not necessary or expected, INFJs can remain very monotone and composed.
They also have an element of gentleness in their presentation.
It's different from the way most other guys/people present themselves I guess, and that can catch people off guard and might make them feel like they should start walking on eggshells: since they just don't know what to expect, maybe their first response would be to mirror you. And that might be why girls would instinctively think they should try to be modest and conservative or whatever in order to impress you.
This is just a guess of course; just my 2 cents.
It may be a fixed "trend".
A composed gentleness. Isn't this the strongest gift that one can impart to others? My INFP friends have always seemed baffled and speechless when I am able to exhibit this.
When others are being excited, talkative, fun, or even when they are confident, I feel happy, yet I am busy appreciating their general state of being. I am wondering what daily life is like for them, what their hopes and goals are. Are they anxious? or are they at peace? And when I am getting vibes of anxiety, I am curious. I compose myself in hopes that they might settle down, so I could see the calmer side of them.
Perhaps this shift into modest and conservative behavior is precisely what I'm looking for. I am looking for what the "resting state" of a person is, after the hype is gone.