becoming emotionaly addicted?

Morgain

Morgain

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I'm starting to feel ashamed of starting an other tread about myself :D

anyhow, I'm just going to write it here :becky:

So this weekend I realized that I tend to get really emotionaly dependent on what people think of me. Today was the first time I saw the whole process.

Today someone said something really nice to me about me, really nice!! I just melted and felt extremely happy because that doesn't happen very much. The minute after that, I felt addicted. I needed more, more compliments. I noticed that I did things or said things for the only reason to please them to get more complimets. I wasn't focussed on who I am any more but on who I should be to be accepted, allthoug I normally am satisfied with who I am... (yeah sick isn't it? :D)

It feels like I go through life with a barrier and as soon as someone is nice to me, the barrier goes down and I don't know who I am any more or what to do with it.

Is this something you can relate to?
Is this something INFJ'ish or is it just me :becky:
 
Morgan said:
I'm starting to feel ashamed of starting an other tread about myself :D

anyhow, I'm just going to write it here :becky:

So this weekend I realized that I tend to get really emotionaly dependent on what people think of me. Today was the first time I saw the whole process.

Today someone said something really nice to me about me, really nice!! I just melted and felt extremely happy because that doesn't happen very much. The minute after that, I felt addicted. I needed more, more compliments. I noticed that I did things or said things for the only reason to please them to get more complimets. I wasn't focussed on who I am any more but on who I should be to be accepted, allthoug I normally am satisfied with who I am... (yeah sick isn't it? :D)

It feels like I go through life with a barrier and as soon as someone is nice to me, the barrier goes down and I don't know who I am any more or what to do with it.

Is this something you can relate to?
Is this something INFJ'ish or is it just me :becky:
Click to expand...


I can really relate to this. I actually can take it one step further. In the past I feel like I would need to check in to see if they were still thinking positively towards me.

I actually do it here as well. If people dont post a response or do post a response I would read to much into it.

I think it is an NF thing to be sensitive, more than the other types. I am trying to get to a place where I am immune to the praise and critism that others give me. I think if I am super sensitive to the praise dont get me started about critism. I get horrified with critism. This is not good. I dont want to be on an emotionaly roller coaster. What if someone is having a bad day and it has nothing to do with me? I am completely at the whim of other peoples moods.

So I am determined to get better at this. I want to set the barometer for my day and not let other people do it.

Please don't be ashamed at all. I really like reading your posts. This is why the forum was created.
 
sookie said:
I can really relate to this. I actually can take it one step further. In the past I feel like I would need to check in to see if they were still thinking positively towards me.

I actually do it here as well. If people dont post a response or do post a response I would read to much into it.
Click to expand...

It is completely the same with me!!!!!!!!!! It is so stupid to do this and it has a huge clame on my life! I'm glad I'm not the only one!!! :D

sookie said:
I think it is an NF thing to be sensitive, more than the other types. I am trying to get to a place where I am immune to the praise and critism that others give me.
Click to expand...

I'm on my way into your direction :becky:
 
sookie said:
I can really relate to this. I actually can take it one step further. In the past I feel like I would need to check in to see if they were still thinking positively towards me.

I actually do it here as well. If people dont post a response or do post a response I would read to much into it.

I think it is an NF thing to be sensitive, more than the other types. I am trying to get to a place where I am immune to the praise and critism that others give me. I think if I am super sensitive to the praise dont get me started about critism. I get horrified with critism. This is not good. I dont want to be on an emotionaly roller coaster. What if someone is having a bad day and it has nothing to do with me? I am completely at the whim of other peoples moods.

So I am determined to get better at this. I want to set the barometer for my day and not let other people do it.
Click to expand...


This is me completely.
 
Solar Empath, I like your name. :D

Morgan, you're not alone. I feel like a puppy with my tongue hanging out getting it's belly rubbed, and wanting more and more petting. When I realize what I'm doing, how I'm pushing people to keep feeding me emotionally, I have to make myself stop. Just because I feel ashamed of myself for feeling so happy from the thoughts of another. There's always a down-side too, which is when the 'belly-rubs' are all over, there's sadness, and I can feel more alone after compliments, when they stop coming. So, I try hard to tone myself down, reminding myself that it's not other people that need to give me validation, but myself.

Thanks for verbalizing this. I had never really thought about it!
 
Moxie said:
Morgan, you're not alone. I feel like a puppy with my tongue hanging out getting it's belly rubbed, and wanting more and more petting. When I realize what I'm doing, how I'm pushing people to keep feeding me emotionally, I have to make myself stop. Just because I feel ashamed of myself for feeling so happy from the thoughts of another. There's always a down-side too, which is when the 'belly-rubs' are all over, there's sadness, and I can feel more alone after compliments, when they stop coming. So, I try hard to tone myself down, reminding myself that it's not other people that need to give me validation, but myself.
Click to expand...

Agree. Same here.
 
Moxie said:
Solar Empath, I like your name. :D

Morgan, you're not alone. I feel like a puppy with my tongue hanging out getting it's belly rubbed, and wanting more and more petting. When I realize what I'm doing, how I'm pushing people to keep feeding me emotionally, I have to make myself stop. Just because I feel ashamed of myself for feeling so happy from the thoughts of another. There's always a down-side too, which is when the 'belly-rubs' are all over, there's sadness, and I can feel more alone after compliments, when they stop coming. So, I try hard to tone myself down, reminding myself that it's not other people that need to give me validation, but myself.

Thanks for verbalizing this. I had never really thought about it!
Click to expand...
I meant in real life from friends. People in my area are pretty reserved, it's considered inauthentic to give compliments to men I think. :)

I could definitely see this though. I know that I sometimes yearn for compliments like an addict in withdrawal.
 
Moxie said:
Solar Empath, I like your name. :D

Morgan, you're not alone. I feel like a puppy with my tongue hanging out getting it's belly rubbed, and wanting more and more petting. When I realize what I'm doing, how I'm pushing people to keep feeding me emotionally, I have to make myself stop. Just because I feel ashamed of myself for feeling so happy from the thoughts of another. There's always a down-side too, which is when the 'belly-rubs' are all over, there's sadness, and I can feel more alone after compliments, when they stop coming. So, I try hard to tone myself down, reminding myself that it's not other people that need to give me validation, but myself.

Thanks for verbalizing this. I had never really thought about it!
Click to expand...

yes,
this is so recognizable! I also feel mor sadness after I got a complement than before. Somehow in that moment I make a switch from depending on how I value myself to depending on how others feel about me or value me. And eventually I lose my value of myself and forget that I don't need other people to value me.
 
edit: Actually, thinking more about it, I like compliments, but I don't really need them to be happy. They are just the icing on the cake. At times, though, especially when they are excessive, I can get embarrassed and skeptical of the giver's sincerity.
 
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