"Be a little less nice."

[not sure]

It's awful ;.; but so, so common.


I think it's pretty simple: do something, and pay attention to how your partner reacts. If they resist, stop.

Playing resistance/pushing games might be sexy but it's also how rape happens. There's better ways to spice things up.

Huh? Who said anything about spicing things up? How did this get reduced to bedroom activities? How does a person preferring their partner to take the lead in a relationship equal game playing? Game playing implies pretence.

I think just as many men look for women who exhibit some motherly qualities towards them, women look fro fathery qualities in their partners. They look for men who exhibit dominance, protectiveness and will ward off unwelcome approach. The problem is that somehow it gets skewed into physical violence and that is probably linked to the woman's childhood experiences. Many times when women say a man is too nice, I think they are really saying "You don't give me the impression that you can protect me from them."

 

[TigersGoRAWR]

This thread actually brought back a rather fond memory xD.

My friend has asked me multiple times to "be a little less nice and consider myself for once."
The thing is, being nice is in my nature, and even though I have always put everyone in front of my self, I am beginning to consider myself a little now, but I literally.... can't NOT be nice xD it's next to impossible for me...

However, if someone has upset me/family/friends/boyfriend or got me angry, I AM angry. Not a lot of people have seen me angry, maybe 2. But only 1 has seen me at my worst. xP

That for me is very rare though. I'm quite a calm person and I love being nice to others. It brings me happiness when I know I've made them smile or made them happy somehow

 

[Bird]

I just read the entire thread and apparently I'm about the only
one who became less nice when it was suggested to me.

 

[Cecilff2]

be a little more nice

 

[Resonance]

Huh? Who said anything about spicing things up? How did this get reduced to bedroom activities? How does a person preferring their partner to take the lead in a relationship equal game playing? Game playing implies pretence.

It doesn't, but that's how it manifests for a lot of people, it's the main reason they do it at the younger ages, I think. Your idea applies a lot more to someone who's looking to settle down.

I think just as many men look for women who exhibit some motherly qualities towards them, women look fro fathery qualities in their partners. They look for men who exhibit dominance, protectiveness and will ward off unwelcome approach. The problem is that somehow it gets skewed into physical violence and that is probably linked to the woman's childhood experiences. Many times when women say a man is too nice, I think they are really saying "You don't give me the impression that you can protect me from them."

I think the only complaint I could possibly have about nice people is that I don't want to have to struggle to take responsibility for problems that I want to deal with on my own.

 

[Asian_Warrior86]

People have a habit of assuming that "nice" people are simply being nice to please others to either gain some sort of approval or to be clingy with others to cover insecurities. People believe it is fake. In a way it can be blamed on culture and that everyone seems to have cynical views on society. I hate it because people often mistake my true intentions. My niceness comes naturally.

Yeah, i know what you mean. I've always questioned that.

 

[Whiskers]

No one has ever said that to me. If they did, I would ask them to clarify the intent of their statement and go from there. I could see that comment as being meant in at least a few ways: (e.g. "don't be such a doormat" or "don't be so disingenuous").

 

[JGirl]

i can't imagine a situation where someone would say that without it being initiated by something that was done or said.
nice has nothing to do with whether you get anywhere or not.
you can be no-nonsense, assertive, and yes even aggressive, and still be nice.

less nice is, well, less nice. it doesn't make you more powerful or important or worthy of any more attention that being nice would.

 

[Vict]

nice has nothing to do with whether you get anywhere or not.
you can be no-nonsense, assertive, and yes even aggressive, and still be nice.

This is how I would have once used this phrase. Of course what I really meant was 'be more assertive.'

 

[Whiskers]

i can't imagine a situation where someone would say that without it being initiated by something that was done or said.
nice has nothing to do with whether you get anywhere or not.
you can be no-nonsense, assertive, and yes even aggressive, and still be nice.

less nice is, well, less nice. it doesn't make you more powerful or important or worthy of any more attention that being nice would.

I would agree with that assessment. I find that some people will nonetheless have certain assumptions built into statements such as "be a little less nice", so it's helpful for me to try parse those out by asking questions if it's unclear what they intended to articulate.

 

[iworkforcookies]

Haha i enjoyed reading your examples of being nice. I think I agree with what you've said. Its not like we're robots, we have feelings and we express them just like everyone else. But I think I do prefer to be nice. I think it just makes the world go round, like what they say about love. When the situation is heated and I feel threatened I am definitely not one to shy away from being vicious haha.

 

[FamineGT]

Genuine > Nice

Genuinity is important, though I'd still like to be nice about things. If the situation came up because of a incident where I got screwed, then I'm pretty sure I would have made a mental note of it already. If it was a friend, I'd just take it as them trying to help.

Regardless, I don't think I would change who I am based off of what someone said to me. Even if I was being too nice, then at least I'd be able look back and have no regrets about my decisions or my actions. I'd rather be too nice and get burned than be an ass and regret what I did afterwards.