So maybe, it’s important not to judge others on how authentic they are and instead work on our own struggles with this.. maybe forgive ourselves and them for struggling to show themselves wholly and safely to the outside world
This is a great topic and I think you've summed it pretty well above.
But always trust your intuition and be discerning. Really really really. Listen to that gut feeling over your thoughts, rationalisations and justifications.
Some people are really good liars and I thought I was good at reading people but I learnt the hard way that I wasn't. My trauma and conditioning, as well as certain personality traits and values made me very gullible and an easy target.
Nice does not equal good. A lot of bad people are nice. And bad people can also do good things sometimes. Its all about the overall intent. Not everyone thinks like you and not everyone deserves your trust. Trust should be earned. I used to think that there were no strangers, just friends i haven't met yet. And I gave everyone the benefit of the doubt. Made endless excuses and justifications. Forgave everything. Preached about love. I was constantly doing shadow work and asking myself why i attracted such negative experiences and people. I was literally a doormat and I didn't even know. I've learnt that the hard way that self love, self compassion and self kindness needs to come first.
I've actually now spent hours learning about this through reading and videos about how to spot lies and narcissistic/sociopathic behaviour.
People pleasing is complex.
I'm a people pleaser and also generally and horribly...a very compliant person. I greatly respect and generally follow rules, systems and laws.
I feel- your space- your rules. My space- my rules. Shared space- rules matter.
Its important for me to be polite and respectful, and i like positive interactions.
I like being agreeable, and I am wherever possible. I'm also open minded and can see and understand others' points of view and see where they're coming from. I like harmony and i like people and i like having a good time.
But sometimes i feel like shit or im lost in my world or just want to be alone and and I either retreat or just keep my head down and maintain politeness but am way too self absorbed to even really process anyone else's experience. I still care in a way...but im disconnected and consumed by my own experience.
When i repress these feelings...I am being inauthentic to myself and im just going through the motions because i feel i have to. Sometimes there is no choice
And then sometimes i just cant keep my mouth shut if something matters and be very judgemental and self righteous. I'm fanatical about my own ethics and values. I also love arguing in the sense of debate. When i was younger i was very much a card carrying slogan wearing political fanatic....always going to meetings, going door to door to spread the propaganda, politics in the pub, organising and going to protests, getting really worked up and sometimes acting like a total disrespectful porkchop. I did this because I really really really cared.
I have also broken many laws and rules but never for the sake of it. Sometimes its just has to be that way but not at the expense of others. I have never nor will ever be a rebel without a cause. And in my heart and mind, I am actually an anarchist true and true.
All this can look warm, nice, good, pleasant, quiet, cold, aloof, distant, malcontent, rude, fanatical, psyco, judgemental, rebellious and nutcase.
And they're all true. Its all really confusing and messy and complex and makes no sense