Attraction to intense, passionate partners | INFJ Forum

Attraction to intense, passionate partners

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Gaze, Jan 1, 2017.

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  1. Gaze

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    Not sure if this is unique to sensitive or HSP personalities, but it seems a habit, I've noticed in myself, to be strongly attracted to intense, passionate people. There's something about their energy that feeds my own heightened sense of feeling and need for emotional intensity and stimulation. However, these relationships however exciting can fizzle quickly. Has anyone here had long term (or even short term) experiences with being love and in a relationships with someone who is just as if not more intense and/or passionate as you? How was it? What are the pros and cons of this kind of partner and partnership? How did you deal with the emotional roller coaster of being in that kind of relationship? How did you get over it when if it ever became too much?
     
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  2. Sandie33

    Sandie33 Love Often & Absolutely ♡
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    Has anyone here had long term (or even short term) experiences with being love and in a relationships with someone who is just as if not more intense and/or passionate as you?

    *yes.
    Mostly short term, save one. He and I are still friends, but in small doses.

    How was it?
    All that energy can be exhausting for me. I tend to be very passionate about life, yet I move through life leisurely. I like planning things out.

    What are the pros and cons of this kind of partner and partnership?
    Pros:
    *these relationships lift me up and get me moving in areas that become complacent.
    *also, help me see myself through different lenses
    *helps me help them to find growth in their own self
    Cons:
    *they can be taxing physically and emotionally
    *I can waste energy helping them with their goals as mine drift away
    *can lead to conflicts of choice and interest

    How did you deal with the emotional roller coaster of being in that kind of relationship?
    Depended on the scenario. Generally it is me who says I need to go take care of me/mine and through lack of input the relationship disolves.

    How did you get over it when if it ever became too much?
    Again, it is usually me. I bounce back easier with maturity. However, when younger I would feel devistated and need time to get over the wringing if the emotional sponge.
     
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  3. RyuTech

    RyuTech Community Member

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    We are talking about emotionally passionate here right? With intense expressions like a deep turbulent sea of feelings.

    I share beeing attracted to these kind of feelings which is also my reason for the "are you easy to seduce" thread. The more intense a person and the more emotions flooding out the more i want to be a part of it and dive right in enabling my senses to go crazy and passionate beyond limits.

    Also i share having trouble to stay in those kinds of situations its like a huge explosion lasting for maybe a few days and then it calms down as the last wind passes by leaving a deep crater inside you that you will probably try to fill but you cant and you start feeling empty.

    The only way i see working as i speak for myself would be to limit the time you spend with each other and spread the explosion over a long time period. Not giving in and keeping yourself in check can organize a bit at least until you were able to talk through concerns and problems. If you manage to keep it from exploding and vanishing before that you might have a chance to fill that crater with understanding and trust.

    I hope that was understandable? :( If you try to make me explain how it feels and what it makes you think about i would have to write a book about it :m037:

    Is it too much to ask if you experience this kind of thing right now? I didnt have a chance to get over the "few days" mark yet so i cant offer much insight except short term things and reasons it broke down after.
    Oh and i am HSP too~
     
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  4. charlatan

    charlatan Permanent Fixture

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    I guess my take on this is that there's nothing wrong with an emotionally intense person, but there's a problem generally when the passion/intensity becomes more the cause for the relationship than simpler things like caring, which to me is the more universal feature of any relationship (whether mother-son, two romantic partners, two friends).
    That, to me, is why these can experience fizzling out.

    Intense caring, no matter how intense, I doubt is a problem, because it's the glue that keeps the relationship together, because it's the fundamental thing that distinguishes being passionate about someone vs being passionate about an idea or action -- sure if someone plays tennis and you're passionate about tennis, that can be electrifying, but at some level the most direct bond-establisher is the affection one feels for the person.

    Personally I suspect this is why people who truly stay in love feel they've found their best friend(s).
     
  5. Wyote

    Wyote Xenoi
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    When I was younger I was extremely attracted to high energy women. Most of the girlfriends I had were intensely passionate and I would often get commentary from outsiders that whomever I was with "talked a lot" and was "hard to keep up with."

    I don't know how I ended up with these types of women exactly. I was drawn to them and I think my calm demeanor was a relief for them and their own energy. I still very much enjoy the company of intense and passionate people, but at some point I started to find sturdiness and stability more attractive. High energy people often lack stability. It is endearing, but tiresome for me personally. I try very hard to have peace and stability, and though extreme passion and energy is highly alluring, the home in my heart wants tranquility, mindfulness and empathy above all else.

    I also found that being the more passionate one in the relationship is more gratifying for me anyway. Just a personal discovery.
     
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  6. invisible

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    I have had a chaotic family life and I crave security and stability, they are the first things that will cause me to feel attraction. I can't tolerate a lot of intense emotions, I need calm and peace.
     
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  7. Scientia

    Scientia A true lady

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    I might be initially attracted or amused but I will back away from unstable people, no matter how attractive they may be.

    It's the difference between a fun fling and a real relationship for me. My head actually rules my heart and stops me from falling in love with people who can't give me honesty, loyalty, respect and love.
     
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  8. Littlelissa

    Littlelissa Well-known member

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    In my experience this kind of intense has been men with a lot of passion for sex, and unfortunately less passion for ...well me really. Shitty thing that is, not worth the short term high. Even when the thing was a pseudo relationship, or masquerading as one.

    My first partner when I left home was an exceptionally dedicated lover, and did definitely love me. We shared a lot of the same interests in music, the Arts, books etc. but he was stuck in a particular place in his life and didn't want to grow. I didn't want to get stuck with him so I left. I often felt his dedication as a lover was an attempt to make up for some of his shortfalls in other areas. Passionate, but pretty hopeless, Lol!
     
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    #8 Littlelissa, Jan 2, 2017
    Last edited: Jan 2, 2017
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  9. j654dgj7

    j654dgj7 Please delete this account.

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    They're like a hurricane
    It blows over you
    Engulfing everything
    You wait in excitement to see what happens
    It eventually wrecks you and your surroundings
    Then it goes away
    And you're left to clean everything up.
    Alone.
     
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  10. Flavus Aquila

    Flavus Aquila Finding My Place in the Sun
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    I think some types of passion are better than others. I can imagine passion for either the self, or the other being troublesome in a relationship, because I think it emphasises a sentiment of "me and you" interacting, rather than a shared outlook (looking outwards), which emphasises a sentiment of "us" interacting with the world.

    Passion for certain causes, principles, or life in general is certainly attractive to me in an intelligent woman. Petty complacency, meanness, miserliness, smallness of outlook, apathy and similar things draw a relationship into a finite, closed in, cloying, and exhausting prison of total familiarity.

    Outward looking passion (passion for things outside the relationship) introduces a mutual fun and interest in discovering, interacting, and changing the world together. Such passionate people are companions on a mobile/lively journey of adventure, success, failure, and at times world-weariness. There is always something to learn about such people in their adulations, humiliations, zeal, and exhaustion... and this discovery is always about how they are somewhat resilient and somewhat vulnerable.... and in this, is a never ending sense of gratitude that at times they can prop one up, and at other times one can prop them up.

    (I'm kind of describing my relationship with my best friend, with whom I have kept in contact longer than anyone else... a 92 year old lady, whose passion for everything burns like a furnace, and has an intellect like an unstoppable locomotive, but sometimes struggles with depression. She is markedly emotional-passionate, and I am mostly unemotional-passionate... somehow this lets us get on better. I haven't seen her for years, but we speak for a couple hours every week... and we only inquire about each other in the most abbreviated, but polite way possible. If we had been anywhere remotely close to being the same age, I'd be traveling the world with her right now, or starting a political party, or a charity, or a museum, etc.).
     
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  11. cptawesome

    cptawesome Community Member

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    I've had an 7 year long crush. I think I'm pretty passionate
     
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  12. acd

    acd jezi baba

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    I like being the passionate/intense one.
     
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  13. Misty

    Misty Spidey Sense Wielder

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    You and I... must be twins divided at birth.. ;) If I don't have FIRE INTENSITY I will not even engage..
     
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  14. Misty

    Misty Spidey Sense Wielder

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    Word for word... What Ryu said.. :)
     
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  15. Misty

    Misty Spidey Sense Wielder

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    Agree with what you are saying here... save for the fact that some people can manage both. For example, I'm a raging ball of intensity / passion and I know another INFJ like me. I held a 4.0 gpa in college.. I keep an incredibly clean house.. I keep my promises.. I'm loyal to the bone. Am I always on time? No.. lol. But on the big life issues / responsibilities.. I know how to get down to business. I think the point is that those of us who desire a partner with this same flaming intensity, must look for it in people who are also steady in life / mature. You'd be surprised, they do exist. :)
     
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  16. Zen

    Zen Community Member

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    I had some very passionate lovers in the past but I've come to realise that for me a calm and understanding lover works best. The conversations are deep, rich and fulfilling. There is more freedom and growth in the relationship based on a deeper understanding of one another needs. I find that a very passionate lover is often a very self-centered lover.
     
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  17. Misty

    Misty Spidey Sense Wielder

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    I have the opposite experience.. Every extravert / shallow conversating pool I've swam in.. (albeit only a few) have been ultra selfish both sexually and in conversation. Whereas, the Introvert with high levels of intensity / passion was insanely giving and the depth of emotion and conversation was on literally another level. What ended up making me quit that relationship was.. I think.. his "T". He was an INTJ that had not reached fruition, and was in that aspect, not fully mature...
     
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  18. Wyote

    Wyote Xenoi
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    You and I may be discussing different types of "high energy" and I may be interpreting it in a different way than the OP even intended. I was primarily referring to extroverts. Though I was briefly with a very high energy introvert who I think was probably ISFP. The only truly "high energy" introverts are INFJs though right? :p And we all know how easy those are to come across. Any type of person can have very deep passion and loyalty. My INTJ gf for example probably has more than anyone I've ever met. And she's freakin' INTJ. Don't judge a book by its cover eh.
     
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  19. Misty

    Misty Spidey Sense Wielder

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    Indeed... but MBTI tests who and how you are.. for the most part types are accurate... as they test "you".. not a mass demographic. :) That said: I agree with you. The INTJ I dated was more sensitive and emotional than any guy I have ever known.. But.. I read ...AND experienced INTJ's only wear such a hard outer exterior to protect their EXTRA mushy, soft cores! I find introverts intense and extraverts not.. so I see how we got confused here.. ;)
     
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  20. Misty

    Misty Spidey Sense Wielder

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    Just personal taste... ( no offense to any extravert lurkers) ;) I'm sure I haven't met you all..
     
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