Are you shy? | INFJ Forum

Are you shy?

TinyBubbles

TinyBubbles

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Oct 27, 2009
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i want to differentiate between the terms shy and introvert, since i don't think they're mutually inclusive.. one can be shy without being an introvert (through perhaps some traumatic early life experiences?) and likewise one can be introverted and need time alone but actually find it easy to talk to people and is quite confident.

what about you, are you shy? or just quiet/introverted? do you feel self conscious talking to others, or do you simply prefer not to talk at length because it drains you? or both? the former (being self conscious) would point to shyness; being drained would merely point to introvertedness.

also, i think most shy people grow out of it over time - many shy kids are not shy at all as adults, but introversion tends to stay with you your whole life. shyness seems culturally-dependent, whereas introversion seems founded in our very genes.
 
May said:
one can be introverted and need time alone but actually find it easy to talk to people and is quite confident.
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This fits me pretty well. I find people interesting and enjoy social interaction (in moderation). I don't enjoy large group things as much, though, because the ol' group-dynamics thing sets in and I won't even try to keep up with all the extroverts who feel they have to entertain everybody. :)
 
I guess I'm pretty shy. I never feel drained talking to people, but I usually hesitate to talk to strangers. I've been getting much better, though. Usually I open up really fast once I get to know someone, especially if I trust them. Before then, I can talk freely but not about the most important parts about me. After that trust barrier you can't get me to shut up.
 
I would say both.

I find it very hard to communicate. I am also very self-conscious..though I also find at times people to be draining. I will say that I have a clear preference towards introversion, while still maintaining some Extroverted qualities. Though I am indeed shy and find starting conversations incredibly difficult.
 
Nobleheart said:
I am not shy. I'll say anything to anyone that needs to be said.

However, I can be a bit reserved. There are things I just don't talk about with people I don't know well.
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oh this is a good point, reservedness would also be an aspect of introversion and not necessarily shyness. introverts i think would value their privacy much more, and not desire to share everything about themselves with others. shy people might just avoid it because they fear what people think.
 
I consider myself both shy and introverted.
 
I'm not shy, I'd label it as uncomfortable. I'm not afraid to talk to people but I feel awkward and incapable of doing so. Perhaps I haven't trained that part of my personality enough to be comfortable talking to others. I'm a pretty extreme introvert, even when I'm surrounded by people I think about all the things I could be doing if I was by myself, or I hide in the corner, and sit on my laptop. So I don't think I've exposed myself to enough social situations.
 
randomsomeone said:
This fits me pretty well. I find people interesting and enjoy social interaction (in moderation). I don't enjoy large group things as much, though, because the ol' group-dynamics thing sets in and I won't even try to keep up with all the extroverts who feel they have to entertain everybody. :)
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Yes-I feel this way too. Sometimes I can be a little shy if I don't know anyone but if I'm with familiar people, I can be pretty friendly and talkative. In a large group with extroverts, I usually lay low.
 
That Girl said:
I'm not shy, I'd label it as uncomfortable. I'm not afraid to talk to people but I feel awkward and incapable of doing so. Perhaps I haven't trained that part of my personality enough to be comfortable talking to others. I'm a pretty extreme introvert, even when I'm surrounded by people I think about all the things I could be doing if I was by myself, or I hide in the corner, and sit on my laptop. So I don't think I've exposed myself to enough social situations.
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so you think the level of exposure one has to social situations is what determines whether they'll be an extrovert or an introvert?
 
I used to be terribly shy and I do still have occasions where I'm not comfortable talking to people. Although now it's become less of me being shy and more of me simply not being interested. I'm not sure whether that's better or worse.
 
That Girl said:
So I don't think I've exposed myself to enough social situations.
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I was miserable for a year due to me being so introverted. I would sit in high school all day and sometimes go 24 hours without saying a single word. I realized this was no way to live, so I joined poetry slam club, I founded debate club, and kicked my fear of public speaking in the face. Over-exposure was terrifying, but it helped.

Well, I'm still terrified... But I make it work somehow.

Anyone with complete fear of public speaking or social interactions in general should give my method a try. I'm still working on donating blood to get rid of my extreme fear of needles..
 
May said:
so you think the level of exposure one has to social situations is what determines whether they'll be an extrovert or an introvert?
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No, I guess I didn't word that very well. I haven't slept. What I meant to say is that because I'm an introvert and I haven't exposed myself to enough social situations, then I am uncomfortable when I do put myself in them.
 
Pixie In Repose said:
Yes-I feel this way too. Sometimes I can be a little shy if I don't know anyone but if I'm with familiar people, I can be pretty friendly and talkative. In a large group with extroverts, I usually lay low.
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maybe such things can't be quantified, since they'd always be relative to the extrovertedness (or introvertedness) of those around you. kind of like how a 10 year old can be a warrior to a group of toddlers, but put him amongst a group of 15 year olds and suddenly he's a shy little boy.
 
That Girl said:
I don't think I've exposed myself to enough social situations.
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You may be on to something there. I am a filmmaker/producer/director by trade and so I always had to perform many duties that required lots of very visible social interaction. I found I was quite good at this and that experience probably influences how I relate to and interact with people.
 
That Girl said:
No, I guess I didn't word that very well. I haven't slept. What I meant to say is that because I'm an introvert and I haven't exposed myself to enough social situations, then I am uncomfortable when I do put myself in them.
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ok but your uncomfortableness isn't related to your level of exposure? that's what i was getting at.. though i know you didn't specifically say that
 
May said:
ok but your uncomfortableness isn't related to your level of exposure? that's what i was getting at.. though i know you didn't specifically say that
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I assume that my uncomfortableness is related to my level of exposure but I've never tested it because I am so introverted. I don't talk to new people very often or put myself in social situations where I don't know at least one person very well.
 
May said:
ok but your uncomfortableness isn't related to your level of exposure? that's what i was getting at.. though i know you didn't specifically say that
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Correlation doesn't imply causation, but after debate club and poetry slam competitions I became much less introverted. The uncomfortableness was still there, but it's much easier to speak in crowds and with new people.

I'd say that they helped, very much so.
 
In my experience, introversion is a perspective. Introverts think more than they let out, or tend to ponder more than they express, more concerned with what is going on in their own minds than the world around them. Extroverts let out more than they had thought about, or tend to speak first and ponder later... usually while speaking, more concerned with what is going on in the world around them than in their own minds.

Shyness is a common side effect of introversion, due to not being able to keep up with the extroverts socially, feeling self conscious, or any other reasons that could be caused by thinking more than expressing. Children can be very cruel, but sometimes so can parents or family members. It only takes one really bad experience to start pushing an introvert into shyness.

If an introvert hadn't had any negative experiences to push them into shyness, they needn't be shy. The inverse is also true. Sometimes introverts are forced into positions where they have to overcome shyness. In either case, the introvert is still an introvert.
 
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Nobleheart said:
In my experience, introversion is a perspective. Introverts think more than they let out, or tend to ponder more than they express. Extroverts let out more than they had thought about, or tend to speak first and ponder later... usually while speaking.

Shyness is a common side effect of introversion, due to not being able to keep up with the extroverts socially, feeling self conscious, or any other reasons that could be caused by thinking more than expressing. Children can be very cruel, but sometimes so can parents or family members. It only takes one really bad experience to start pushing an introvert into shyness.

If an introvert hadn't had any negative experiences to push them into shyness, they needn't be shy. The inverse is also true. Sometimes introverts are forced into positions where they have to overcome shyness. In either case, the introvert is still an introvert.
Click to expand...

^^
 
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