Anyone ever had success with reversing the label of "Anti-social" or "Weirdo" ?

[poeticinfp]

Yes, I know that being misunderstood comes with the territory of being an INFX type, but...every now and then it starts to get to me. I guess I can't escape the fact that IF PEOPLE ONLY GAVE ME A CHANCE, they'll be pleasantly surprised.

My attempts have largely been unsuccessful in quite a peculiar way. I would try to reach out to people in a way that they are comfortable with. That is, I would smile, start doing small talk, or joking banter, but they always respond to me in such an overly *FORMAL*, overly serious, overly polite way that my attempts at small talk never work.

So has anyone ever been successful with reversing these labels given by co-workers, classmates, roommates, family members etc. ? What did you do?

 

[Faye]

You can't run from yourself. However, hanging out with other "weird" people and social drinking can help. Weird is relative. Otherwise, you just have to open up.

 

[poeticinfp]

Otherwise, you just have to open up.

Like I said in my original post, when I try to open up, their response is so formal, and they take me too seriously. I'm asking about reversing the label, which means that these are people I already know, not strangers.

It's actually much easier to let my quirky funny side out around strangers, but when I attempt it with people who've already given me the label like family members, or co-workers they're just too formal with me, and take me too seriously.

 

[the]

You should just accept that you are weird. Just be like you are, eventually you will change/ grow like all people do and you will have a whole new list of problems/positive aspects.

 

[sumone]

One thing I've done is to try and be more aware of what I might be projecting via facial expressions, body language etc. Even if I'm way out there in my mind when someone walks in on me they'll see a pleasant face. It's cut down on people being confused. Before I practiced 'looking normal' people would walk in on me and their first words would be, "What's wrong?!" or "Oh man someone's got the weight of the world ..... "
Now I don't hear those comments at all.
Just being introverted makes us weirdos in the eyes of co-workers because they just can't comprehend it as being normal.
I don't think we can escape the weirdo label completely but we can do things to make it less obvious! hehe

 

[NaeturVindur]

I just embrace the label, and have fun with it. There are next to no restrictions on how you act if you're already weird. Also, having friends with the same label helps a lot. You learn that what other people think really doesn't matter, and to just be yourself.

 

[ceri]

I've had success with that. I used to be almost completely shy but over the years, i've managed to develop a "normal side". I think most people who know me, know that I have "two aspects" (introverted and "normal") and just accept whatever way/mood i've decided to be in. So basically, i can hang out with the majority of people when i want

I might be successful because i'm in Australia, but oh well.

 

[VH]

You could focus on your secondary function and become an ENFx type. ENFPs and ENFJs are quite social and charismatic.

 

[Poetic Justice]

This is taken from another of my posts. I think this is why other people sense that we are different

The reason we struggle with things to say is that we are listening to our subconscious too much. you can't pay attention to external stimuli and internal stimuli at the same time. this is called uptime/downtime. we INFJ's practically live in downtime. this is why we have such good intuition and it is also why we struggle with things to say. You feel seperate from those you are with because they are paying attention to external stimuli (uptime) and you are paying attention to internal stimuli (downtime). Other types often don't understand us because they don't have access to our internal worlds, and this is what we are commenting on most of the time.

Heres how you turn off that voice in your head:
take a look around the room you are in. what is there that you have never noticed before? how many things can you see that are green? how about blue? name all the objects around you. begin to only pay attention to your surroundings. the individual objects and as a whole. When you are in a social situation do this with your surroundings and with the people you are with. notice the changes in the persons face. as you get better at this you will feel the difference straight away when you do it and you should instantly feel more talkative. REMEMBER you must be in UPTIME when talking to people. let me know if you want me to elaborate on any of this

Yes it does sound strange, yes it does sound too easy, yes it does work!

Also, it helps to have an outcome that you are working towards. most people are working towards an outcome when they speak (they're usually not consciously aware of it though), and they're brain automatically chooses words for them that helps them move towards their outcome. If your outcome is to just speak, then that is all you will do, and it won't be interesting.

Notice the times you speak when you just say a single sentence, then have nothing else to say. Thats because your outcome was to say something. You achieved your outcome so your brain congratulated itself and went to sleep.

 

[Satya]

The fact of the matter is that you generally have to form your own clique. People are not comfortable with talking with those who are outside their typical group and established cliques are generally resistant to letting new people become involved with them, especially when the new people are introverts. Find a club or activity that is open to anyone, join, and make some friends. Hang out with them outside the club, organize some gatherings, and before you know it you will have your very own clique. It also helps a great deal to keep an eye out for the people who are in the same boat as you and to approach them. Some of my best groups have been formed from the outcasts and rejects of other groups.

 

[Poetic Justice]

The fact of the matter is that you generally have to form your own cliche. People are not comfortable with talking with those who are outside their typical group and established cliches are generally resistant to letting new people become involved with them, especially when the new people are introverts. Find a club or activity that is open to anyone, join, and make some friends. Hang out with them outside the club, organize some gatherings, and before you know it you will have your very own cliche. It also helps a great deal to keep an eye out for the people who are in the same boat as you and to approach them. Some of my best groups have been formed from the outcasts and rejects of other groups.

I don't think this is the answer. we need to learn to communicate with other types. Not hide away among those few who are similar to us.

 

[Satya]

I don't think this is the answer. we need to learn to communicate with other types. Not hide away among those few who are similar to us.

I was referring mostly to making friends. You can't be friends with everyone. Communication is a different matter, and sometimes formal is all you are going to get from a person.

 

[Poetic Justice]

It is, of course a good way of meeting people. But the majority of the people you would meet by doing this would not be on our wavelength. to make new people into new friends you have to be able to get on many different wavelengths. You can't pick and choose people from different situations and make a new group, or rather, it would be very difficult. it makes more sense to address the problem head on.

 

[Satya]

It is, of course a good way of meeting people. But the majority of the people you would meet by doing this would not be on our wavelength. to make new people into new friends you have to be able to get on many different wavelengths. You can't pick and choose people from different situations and make a new group, or rather, it would be very difficult. it makes more sense to address the problem head on.

What problem? It's a fact of life that people are going to be formal to one another until they are comfortable enough to be otherwise and people will form presumptions about people until they have had enough time with them to know otherwise. You can't expect a person to be able to form informal relationships with everyone.

 

[Poetic Justice]

What problem? It's a fact of life that people are going to be formal to one another until they are comfortable enough to be otherwise and people will form presumptions about people until they have had enough time with them to know otherwise. You can't expect a person to be able to form informal relationships with everyone.

Poeticinfp's question was regarding changing how people he/she already knows behaves towards him/her. What you describe is the opposite of this. You suggest searching new places for new people until you finally manage to get a group of people who understand us.

Edit:

What problem?

The problem of us having trouble relating to people, new and old

 

[poeticinfp]

Poetic Justice, I'm a he, by the way.

Your last post indicates that you understand the particular nature of the problem I'm trying to overcome (reversing the label with people who you already know), but I just don't see how any of your advice applies to it.

Can you elaborate please?

 

[Flavus Aquila]

SeraphimKiss: Just don't over-do it. If you move out of what PJ calls 'downtime' too much, you will end up paying for it days/weeks later.

Satya has a point - we don't like hanging out with people like ourselves for the same reason other groups don't like hanging out with us. I think it is better to find someone in a situation similar to our own and then 'give them a chance' and take time to get to know them.

That said, I have seldom met other people like myself. The only INFJ's I have ever met in person, to my knowledge, are my parents.

 

[arbygil]

(As I attempt to answer the question):

I've often had the label - and it doesn't get easier as I've aged. My S-friends have often employed the sigh, giggle, and shake your head model when talking to me. Or the hated phrase, "Where are you?" when I'm standing next to them (meaning, where am I mentally).

But you know what? It's okay. I know I'm different and it's not a big deal. It was with my last job, though, and it all but broke me. I've never worked in an environment where the majority of my co-workers were ESxJ folks. Thank God for my immediate co-worker/co-supervisor who was an ENFP. Still difficult to communicate with him, but it was better than nothing.

 

[Poetic Justice]

Poetic Justice, I'm a he, by the way.

Your last post indicates that you understand the particular nature of the problem I'm trying to overcome (reversing the label with people who you already know), but I just don't see how any of your advice applies to it.

Can you elaborate please?

Other people sense that we are different. They don't know what it is, but they know it's something. The difference is that we are paying too much attention to our internal worlds. They are surprised when you speak, because up until you speaking it almost felt as though you weren't really there. Because you were stuck in your head.

following my advice will give you more to say, and it will also make what you say more palatable to most people.

And flavus is right in that it will probably be quite tiring to start with. But you will get used to it and eventually have more energy. I do this myself by the way. it does work.

 

[Satya]

Poeticinfp's question was regarding changing how people he/she already knows behaves towards him/her. What you describe is the opposite of this. You suggest searching new places for new people until you finally manage to get a group of people who understand us.

That is my point. You can't control how other people think, you can only control how you behave.

Frankly, if you are going to want people to understand you better, you have to put in the time and effort to get to know them better. That is the only way to move communication from the formal to the informal. That means forming a relationship with them, and that can be difficult with people who you have known for awhile and with who you already have an established pattern of behavior. It's usually easier to just establish new relationships. However, if you are determined to get others who already know you to get to know the real you, then you need to show genuine interest in them and spend a little time each day getting to know them until they begin to open up to you and realize who you really are. For an INFP, that is going to require a massive investment of energy because it requires them to be outgoing.

I'm simply speaking realistically here.