Am I INFJ or am I mistyped?

[Fiona]

Alright! I need to read up on the shadow functions, any suggestions on where to start? Are they too set in a specific order for each personality type?

So you mean you think Ni and Se are among my top 4 functions somewhere? And Si 8th? And Fi either 6th or 7th.. exciting!

What make me think I use Fe quite high in the stack is that I don't like conflicts and avoid it to all costs (this does not apply to my close relationships, more at work and shallow friendships). I want people to be happy. I have a hard time lying so I stay silent whenever a conflict rises, I don't tell people what I think but I don't lie to them either. I also try to help co-workers whenever possible at work, as long as I have time for it. I am also quite sure we have a sociopath co-worker and I would really like to confront her for every lie she has told others about me and my other co-worker but I just can't, I'm always very polite when I'm around her (this is a person I could have doorslammed a year ago but I still have to share office space with her so not talking to her would be immature and a reason for her to talk more shit about me, she is truly the worst person I have ever met). I also let people believe they are right, I rather not correct them so they won't get sad but if they ask me I would respectfully give my opinion on the matter. My boss told me last week I need to work on my constructive criticism because she has noticed I only tell people whenever they do anything good.

By not being interested in people I mean I easily get quite bored listening to them, and I don't really care about finding out what every person thinks and feel deep down anymore. I rather zone out to daydream rather than listen to people talking sports or what their children said at the breakfast table and I don't dig deeper either. I care about my friends of course. I work as a dietitian at an oncology clinic and palliative care unit (guess it is hard to remain private when you try to figure yourself out). The past year I have had 11 regular patients younger than me (and countless older patients) dying from their cancer and I'm supposed to be there for them to their last weeks of life. Last week I said goodbye to a 20 yr old boy whose only desire was to eat but eating could also kill him by ripping his guts open, it was heartbreaking to find ways to make his last wishes come true without risking his life before his father could say farewell. Before my last burnout I had more capacity for compassion and empathy but I was still in school then so I don't know what's causing what really. I have co-workers who cry a lot of compassion and they are thinking about patients all night at home as well. I don't know how they manage, I need to think of other things at home or else I would go crazy. Nurses and doctors at work are getting group and one-on-one counseling to prevent compassion fatigue but paramedics do not, I wish we could.

Oh and about the drugs. I have never tried anything but alcohol and a tobacco form common were I live which hasn't been linked to any health issues except high blood pressure in older people. I actually started using it at work because so many nurses and doctors do it, but I only use it when I'm stressed out which also helps me not overindulge which I otherwise turn to! And nowadays I rarely drink, I had a 3.5% beer two weeks ago, but when I was younger I sometimes used it to harm myself when I was depressed or had severe anxiety. I haven't had anxiety or signs of depression since late 2015 so I'm quite sure it was linked to stress. I am very against illegal drugs and even though some I knew back in the day used it regurarly I never tried any.

 

[Ginny]

Alright! I need to read up on the shadow functions, any suggestions on where to start? Are they too set in a specific order for each personality type?

So you mean you think Ni and Se are among my top 4 functions somewhere? And Si 8th? And Fi either 6th or 7th.. exciting!

What make me think I use Fe quite high in the stack is that I don't like conflicts and avoid it to all costs (this does not apply to my close relationships, more at work and shallow friendships). I want people to be happy. I have a hard time lying so I stay silent whenever a conflict rises, I don't tell people what I think but I don't lie to them either. I also try to help co-workers whenever possible at work, as long as I have time for it. I am also quite sure we have a sociopath co-worker and I would really like to confront her for every lie she has told others about me and my other co-worker but I just can't, I'm always very polite when I'm around her (this is a person I could have doorslammed a year ago but I still have to share office space with her so not talking to her would be immature and a reason for her to talk more shit about me, she is truly the worst person I have ever met). I also let people believe they are right, I rather not correct them so they won't get sad but if they ask me I would respectfully give my opinion on the matter. My boss told me last week I need to work on my constructive criticism because she has noticed I only tell people whenever they do anything good.

By not being interested in people I mean I easily get quite bored listening to them, and I don't really care about finding out what every person thinks and feel deep down anymore. I rather zone out to daydream rather than listen to people talking sports or what their children said at the breakfast table and I don't dig deeper either. I care about my friends of course. I work as a dietitian at an oncology clinic and palliative care unit (guess it is hard to remain private when you try to figure yourself out). The past year I have had 11 regular patients younger than me (and countless older patients) dying from their cancer and I'm supposed to be there for them to their last weeks of life. Last week I said goodbye to a 20 yr old boy whose only desire was to eat but eating could also kill him by ripping his guts open, it was heartbreaking to find ways to make his last wishes come true without risking his life before his father could say farewell. Before my last burnout I had more capacity for compassion and empathy but I was still in school then so I don't know what's causing what really. I have co-workers who cry a lot of compassion and they are thinking about patients all night at home as well. I don't know how they manage, I need to think of other things at home or else I would go crazy. Nurses and doctors at work are getting group and one-on-one counseling to prevent compassion fatigue but paramedics do not, I wish we could.

Oh and about the drugs. I have never tried anything but alcohol and a tobacco form common were I live which hasn't been linked to any health issues except high blood pressure in older people. I actually started using it at work because so many nurses and doctors do it, but I only use it when I'm stressed out which also helps me not overindulge which I otherwise turn to! And nowadays I rarely drink, I had a 3.5% beer two weeks ago, but when I was younger I sometimes used it to harm myself when I was depressed or had severe anxiety. I haven't had anxiety or signs of depression since late 2015 so I'm quite sure it was linked to stress. I am very against illegal drugs and even though some I knew back in the day used it regurarly I never tried any.

Yes, it all looks rather consistently INFJ to me now.

The shadow's stack is a sort of mirror to the main stack, same functions but extraversion and introversion flipped. (It would put Fi as your 6th.)

There is lots of information on the internet, nowadays it's most easily accessible on youtube (most channels are okay, but do not trust CS Joseph - he mistypes himself, even though his own system speaks against him). I'm sure you'll find what you need. If you have any questions, you know where to find us

About your compassion fatigue, it takes a lot of us to extravert like that all the time, so you may need to receive some compassion yourself in your off-time or find another way to replenish that emotional energy with a hobby of some sort, so you don't need to start bingeing on anything.

 

[John K]

@Fiona - a few thoughts. Sorry if I'm repeating some things you know or have been said earlier in the thread, but they give the context.

If your dominant function is Ni, it can be difficult to understand what it actually feels like to use it - when you read the web sites and literature, they can make it sound vague and mysterious. I had a lot of trouble with this, and the penny really dropped when I recognised that my inferior function is extraverted sensing (Se). Your inferior is diamatrically opposite to your dominant and is the one you are least comfortable using consciously - it's the function most in touch with your unconscious mind. I'm forever bashing myself on things, I get spaced out driving for more than an hour or so, I get drained in large groups of people not just because of my introverted nature but because the sheer stimulation of people and noise overwhelms me after a while. I can walk for miles while only having a vague understanding of where I am, while my mind is away on another planet LOL. It has a magical quality as well for me - I personalise inanimate objects sometimes, and have spells when I feel I'm one with the world around me, and everything is filled with a magical glow.

The other thing that put me on the right track is called looping. If you are INFJ, your primary is Ni and your secondary is extraverted feeling (Fe) - the one strongly introverted, the other extraverted. It takes some effort to use Fe, although we are pretty good with it, and it can sometimes feel risky, particularly if we are feeling insecure, anxious, stressed, uncertain, unsure of our welcome. The opposite function to Fe is introverted thinking (Ti) and is our tertiary function, which we can use to some extent consciously and some of us can be pretty good at it. In fact it can be very hard to express our Ni perceptions, which are not necessarily verbal, without walking around them with our introverted thinking, which translates them into words (peoplespeak ). A lot of my own thinking is Ni, translated by Ti then expressed through Fe. You will see quite a few posts in the forum from INFJs that are the output of Ni/Ti interaction, and I'm doing it myself now to a considerable extent. Your own posts have a hint of this sort of Ti walk around a complex Ni perception. It's very easy to get into an introvered perceiving / judge-thinking loop that sits completely inside us, which can be nice and cosy - but we can get caught in these loops, going round and round in circles in an involuntary, anxiety-tinged chain of thought which isn't at all cosy. I often get into this trap if I wake up at 3am and just can't switch my brain off - I usually have to get up and do something to break it open. These Ni/Ti thinking processes are another good way I used to confirm my type.

 

[wolly.green]

Hi, I'm new here, I made a little presentation in the presentation section but I need your help so please bear with me. Sorry if this thread don't belong here!

This past summer I got into the mbti-typing thing after a co-worker brought it up at a lunch break. We all took a test(16personalities) and I came out as an ISFJ. I read the description and felt it was somewhat accurate, especially the good memory part and wanting to help people. However I didnt feel that it was mind-blowing accurate and I felt that it was a description of a person way better than me. I took the test again and got INFJ this time but again, they were describing a better person than me. I called the mbti out as bullshit and forgot about it til a close friend of mine told me I had to do it again. This time I got all weird results that wasnt accurate at all but repeatedly got INFJ between other types, at this point I had learnt that a person I didn't want to be compared to was typed as INFJ (at least according to herself) and I was telling myself I'm not INFJ so I didnt read any further than i had done initially. I didnt think I was a ”special snowflake” either so I probably wasnt a infj, only weird in my own way. I thought about this for two weeks straight to that point I sat down with several tests for hours upon hours, writing down scenarios to help me getting the right answer and I got INFJ on all those except one (INFP). I started to truly read up on this type and some things really made sense, I felt so relieved I could cry. Some things I didn't or don't really recognize in me though so I still, many weeks after this, I am afraid that I'm mistyped and none of the 16 types are my type.

So, who am I? As a kid I was this super shy, perfectionist dreamer who could rage if the shoe on the princess I painted didn't come out right. I was super into stories and I was often told I had a wild imagination. I'm an atheist and has always been but I went to bible school only to listen to the ”stories” (sorry if I offend someone, I don't mean to) I cared a lot about people and their feelings, I let them win in games so they would be happy and I would feel the pain they felt. I cried for weeks when my friends parents got a divorce. I was an outsider in daycare, even my own relatives would bully me for being weird. I can't remember how I was weird, but I couldnt really socialize and I felt really lonely and had anxiety every morning. My best friend was an 80 year lady who told me every day I would grew up to become a world leader and help the world become a better place, lol. I loved listening to her stories about how life was back when she was young.

Later as an older kid, the people in my class and my ”friends” started saying things like ”I love you” and hug each other. I couldn't. I couldnt stand being touched and I would never lie about loving someone. H*ck I have a hard time telling my parents I love them! All the other girls had boyfriends too, I off course didn't.

I never told my one best friend about any of my crushes and I never told or showed my crushes either. I remember once I was at a party with my crush at that point and he was polite and tried to talk to me but I looked all weird and blurted out ”are you talking to me” (yeah of course you idiot he is lookin straight at you!) and some other nonsense and I'm still thinking about that embarrasing moment today 15 years later.

I'm totally sure i'm an introvert, no questions about it. I do think I have Ni. I'm fairly new to this so I'm not sure what all these mean though, sorry if I'm saying anything wrong. I do feel other peoples emotions, especially people i'm close to, but also others. Once I had to leave a room with a patient because I was feeling a panic attack coming for no reason (I never panic) until I got back and my patient told me she had to leave because she was panicking. I also have a strong intuition or gut feeling. Sometimes I've been dreaming things that were true but I didn't know about. I dont believe in psycics but I tend to see patterns that tell me that something have to be a certain way which often shows later to be true. I can't tell how though.

I'm a perfectionist. I stopped being creative altogether for fear of failure. This is my biggest concern in life beacuse creativity is something I need to be happy.

I try to reason my way into decisions but I can never ignore my gut feeling or my hearts desire. If I do, I later come back changing my mind or thinking about it forever (still ruminating about things from when I was 5 years old… Im soon 30).

I'm constantly thinking about the future. I never really think about the past if it is not overthinking any decision I made. I'm not even that sentimental, only nostalgic. I dont care much about traditions, hence why I dont think Im ISFJ. Im constantly planning, and often get stuck in planning and making lists, I wish I could get into the to-do part but it takes another doer to make me do things…. I am good at writing in my own language at least (english is not my native language) but often I can't seem to form a sentence when I talk. I can see a picture of putting the dishes in the dishwasher and then tell my boyfriend to put the books in the freezer or something weird like that. I'm extremely clumsy and can't keep the food on the plate. I heard infjs are clumsy.

I hate mess but I hate cleaning up mess more. I'm a minimalist and only own the things I want. I rather save up for something for two years and living without an item rather that buying a cheaper but not perfect option. I get stuck in my head a lot. And it feels like my head is about to explode from all the thinking. I'm also extremely private, too private to even show myself who I am it seems and I really want to write about stuff I care about on social media but I am afraid to do so of fear for saying something stupid.

So, why am I doubting that I am INFJ?

First of: I don't care about people that much. I am not really interested in peoples stories unless these people mean a lot to me. I am a good listener though, that is at least what other people keep telling me. I seem to know what to say to make them feel better or to help them. I work at a hospital (not a nurse, I'm not telling you what my title is, I don't want people to figure out who I am even how small that possibility might be). I have cared about people before, but I am too tired now and just shut my feelings for them down. I don't feel like I am understanding or trying to understand people.

I do not stare. I avoid eye contact at all costs. I can stare at people at the bus, but only til they notice me. In fact I can't gather any information about people by looking at them, they distract me. Other possible INFJ I know stare. I don't.

I'm also quite good at being social in groups I'm familiar with. For example at work. I Like talking, I don't mind saying weirds stuff and I can be quite funny. I took me like two years to get to this point though and I'm still apologizing for my presence in other groups at work, even if they told me to come. I'm not really sad about not having friends either (or maybe, two weeks ago I cried because I didnt know who I would ask to be my maid of honor at my future wedding) which seems to be an infj thing.

I have never door slammed anybody. I have never really been really hurt either I think (still together with my first boyfriend), but there are some cases I could have door slammed someone. I mean, I avoid them If I can, but I dont act like they are nothing if we somehow cross paths. I am really afraid of this door slam thing. What if I'm infj and unconsiously door slam my boyfriend when we are having an argument and never can reverse these feelings? My biggest fear is to stop loving the only person I really love. Which leads me to next reason for doubting being an infj: I have a short temper with the people I love. I can snap at every criticism towards me if it comes from my mom or boyfriend. I cry at my chamber if it comes from anybody else but I can get really mad if those closest to me ctitcize me for some reason. I take it really hard and I cant deal with it, and fight back. In other situations I never show emotions or anger. My co-worker told me last week that she was happy to see me mad for the first time ever after a patient nearly died because a stupid surgeon told him to do things without asking me first. I never show signs of stress even if I am exploding on the inside. But I can yell for hours at the people I love This seems to be an ISFJ-thing?

And the last point for now.. I dont feel so special. Other infj I know of are special and people are drawn to them. People say they are special. People remember them and can never get them out of their head. Me? Noone remembers me ever. That infj-girl I didnt want to be compared to I told you about earlier, she is so special people from other parts of the country from other social groups start talking about her for no particular reason without knowing I know her. Not in a good way special they say, but special enough to never forget her. I'm just weird and not special enough to be drawn to or remembered.

Sorry for my very long ramble. I could go on forever. I understand if you don't want to read all this. I just want to belong somewhere and I want to know myself and my feelings. I hope you can help me type me if you don't think I belong here.

I think you're an ISFJ. Tradition has more to do with extroverted deciders, not introverted sensing.

Anyway, you'll figure it out. It'll probably take a few more years of pain, but you'll get there xx.

 

[Deleted member 16771]

What make me think I use Fe quite high in the stack is that I don't like conflicts and avoid it to all costs (this does not apply to my close relationships, more at work and shallow friendships). I want people to be happy. I have a hard time lying so I stay silent whenever a conflict rises, I don't tell people what I think but I don't lie to them either. I also try to help co-workers whenever possible at work, as long as I have time for it. I am also quite sure we have a sociopath co-worker and I would really like to confront her for every lie she has told others about me and my other co-worker but I just can't, I'm always very polite when I'm around her (this is a person I could have doorslammed a year ago but I still have to share office space with her so not talking to her would be immature and a reason for her to talk more shit about me, she is truly the worst person I have ever met). I also let people believe they are right, I rather not correct them so they won't get sad but if they ask me I would respectfully give my opinion on the matter. My boss told me last week I need to work on my constructive criticism because she has noticed I only tell people whenever they do anything good.

I'm going to use this as an example to have a go at Fe (i.e. criticise it), but I'm doing this for a very particular reason: one of the problems with the INFJ descriptions is that they can be overly positive and complimentary to the point that it can cause a lot of mistypes. INFJs have a mix of positive qualities that a lot of people identify with superficially, whereas perhaps the most fruitful approach is to actually focus on the negatives. If you can identify with a negative trait with a sigh, then that's more valuable - this is something I've picked up from @Puzzlenuzzle really, as she's always emphasising it.

So, 'Fe' is usually described as the most prosocial feeling function, and is equated with words like 'empathy', 'caring' and 'kindness', whereas the reality is that it has practically nothing to with those things. Fe is a very selfish function in that it simply promotes survival within a group by preventing ostracism, even though what's best for the group and for individuals in the group may not be the Fe-approach of 'harmony seeking'.

What you describe above is simply cowardice and selfishness for your own benefit. What you're doing by not confronting this 'sociopath' is passing the buck; passing the buck to someone else who will have to do the confronting and put themselves at risk. You're willingly exposing others to harm when you ignore your social duties out of a misplaced sense of 'harmony'. If anyone actually steps up to confront this 'sociopath', they're likely to be an Fi-user, motivated by true care for the community; they won't care that they put themselves in harm's way, or that they might invite criticism themselves by doing so, only that they're doing the right thing for the benefit of others.

Now don't get me wrong, there are Fe-users who show this kind of courage, but the conflict often causes them intense distress that they have to overcome. As an Fi-user, I don't care about that - I'm am motivated by a feeling of 'rightness' and eventual vindication, even though I might sympathise with the perpetrator if at some point they show some weakness (because we all have Fe).

An Fe user will cry with you; an Fi user will bleed for you.

So that is the negative side of Fe: often only superficially social, innately cowardly, innately selfish.

N.B. I'm playing devil's advocate here to a large degree; please don't mistake this for my full, unqualified opinion, because it isn't.

 

[Puzzlenuzzle]

....
If anyone actually steps up to confront this 'sociopath', they're likely to be an Fi-user, motivated by true care for the community; they won't care that they put themselves in harm's way, or that they might invite criticism themselves by doing so, only that they're doing the right thing for the benefit of others.

Now don't get me wrong, there are Fe-users who show this kind of courage, but the conflict often causes them intense distress that they have to overcome. As an Fi-user, I don't care about that - I'm am motivated by a feeling of 'rightness' and eventual vindication, even though I might sympathise with the perpetrator if at some point they show some weakness (because we all have Fe).

.....

N.B. I'm playing devil's advocate here to a large degree; please don't mistake this for my full, unqualified opinion, because it isn't.

Hos... imma bite you, you devils advocate, lol!

It's not about the true care of the community or not putting yourself in harms way!

I personally, wouldn't confront the sociopath simply because I know that she would try to deflect or manipulate while at the same time I would be just watching her do it while thinking 'what happened to you?', 'why are you like this?' because in the end of the day it's really not about me. I mean there is a reason, a sad reason, for why the person feels the need to lie.

However, the Fe also makes you wonder what you did wrong, or if you did something wrong that made the other person lie something about you. I mean think about it.. there are two sides to every coin and let's say that each party in question has a coin e.g. 'what I experienced' and 'what I show/don't show'.

Confronting, as a mean to defend yourself, can give you a lot of guilt and that's probably due to low Fi because the feeling of 'rightness' when crossed and eventual vindication for yourself doesn't at times hold much value.

The though of 'I should confront you as you have been lying about me' barely exists... but the thought of confronting someone because they have been lying about others exists.

The feeling of rightness usually depends on what you deem is right, right? A feeling of rightness isn't universally supported although morality is.

Bottom line, If someone at work etc. is lying about me I for sure don't confront them because I will sympathise with them and want to help them.. whereas if someone does lie to me about someone else I will confront them!
However, if I have had enough of someones behaviour e.g. lying about me then I might confront them but either way, if I confront I do it in my own way... That's usually making them aware of me knowing, apologising for whatever I think might have caused the person to lie even though it might have nothing to do with me, etc. The bottom line of confrontation is to show understanding and not holding the flaws an individual has and rubbing it in their face lol. At times it helps opening up discussions about previous workplace and finding out how the culture was there, even whats going on in their lives etc. My rule is that when a person does bad things they simply just need help.

What others do has literally nothing to do with you, it's the reflection of what they feel inside (well unless you did something then clean it up ). However, everyone does have their limits... fi.. fe.. etc and the ideal outcome when faced with negativity in your life can be the same but the process to reach that outcome can vary.

 

[Deleted member 16771]

Hos... imma bite you, you devils advocate, lol!

It's not about the true care of the community or not putting yourself in harms way!

I personally, wouldn't confront the sociopath simply because I know that she would try to deflect or manipulate while at the same time I would be just watching her do it while thinking 'what happened to you?', 'why are you like this?' because in the end of the day it's really not about me. I mean there is a reason, a sad reason, for why the person feels the need to lie.

However, the Fe also makes you wonder what you did wrong, or if you did something wrong that made the other person lie something about you. I mean think about it.. there are two sides to every coin and let's say that each party in question has a coin e.g. 'what I experienced' and 'what I show/don't show'.

Confronting, as a mean to defend yourself, can give you a lot of guilt and that's probably due to low Fi because the feeling of 'rightness' when crossed and eventual vindication for yourself doesn't at times hold much value.

The though of 'I should confront you as you have been lying about me' barely exists... but the thought of confronting someone because they have been lying about others exists.

The feeling of rightness usually depends on what you deem is right, right? A feeling of rightness isn't universally supported although morality is.

Bottom line, If someone at work etc. is lying about me I for sure don't confront them because I will sympathise with them and want to help them.. whereas if someone does lie to me about someone else I will confront them!
However, if I have had enough of someones behaviour e.g. lying about me then I might confront them but either way, if I confront I do it in my own way... That's usually making them aware of me knowing, apologising for whatever I think might have caused the person to lie even though it might have nothing to do with me, etc. The bottom line of confrontation is to show understanding and not holding the flaws an individual has and rubbing it in their face lol. At times it helps opening up discussions about previous workplace and finding out how the culture was there, even whats going on in their lives etc. My rule is that when a person does bad things they simply just need help.

What others do has literally nothing to do with you, it's the reflection of what they feel inside (well unless you did something then clean it up ). However, everyone does have their limits... fi.. fe.. etc and the ideal outcome when faced with negativity in your life can be the same but the process to reach that outcome can vary.

lastly, management should

But I like bites...

N.B. We forgot to take notes while we were talking about this, but anyway yeah: there're some perspectives on Fe, I hope that helps @Fiona

 

[Wyote]

I'm just here to say hi to @Fiona

 

[shady]

Hi, I'm new here, I made a little presentation in the presentation section but I need your help so please bear with me. Sorry if this thread don't belong here!

This past summer I got into the mbti-typing thing after a co-worker brought it up at a lunch break. We all took a test(16personalities) and I came out as an ISFJ. I read the description and felt it was somewhat accurate, especially the good memory part and wanting to help people. However I didnt feel that it was mind-blowing accurate and I felt that it was a description of a person way better than me. I took the test again and got INFJ this time but again, they were describing a better person than me. I called the mbti out as bullshit and forgot about it til a close friend of mine told me I had to do it again. This time I got all weird results that wasnt accurate at all but repeatedly got INFJ between other types, at this point I had learnt that a person I didn't want to be compared to was typed as INFJ (at least according to herself) and I was telling myself I'm not INFJ so I didnt read any further than i had done initially. I didnt think I was a ”special snowflake” either so I probably wasnt a infj, only weird in my own way. I thought about this for two weeks straight to that point I sat down with several tests for hours upon hours, writing down scenarios to help me getting the right answer and I got INFJ on all those except one (INFP). I started to truly read up on this type and some things really made sense, I felt so relieved I could cry. Some things I didn't or don't really recognize in me though so I still, many weeks after this, I am afraid that I'm mistyped and none of the 16 types are my type.

So, who am I? As a kid I was this super shy, perfectionist dreamer who could rage if the shoe on the princess I painted didn't come out right. I was super into stories and I was often told I had a wild imagination. I'm an atheist and has always been but I went to bible school only to listen to the ”stories” (sorry if I offend someone, I don't mean to) I cared a lot about people and their feelings, I let them win in games so they would be happy and I would feel the pain they felt. I cried for weeks when my friends parents got a divorce. I was an outsider in daycare, even my own relatives would bully me for being weird. I can't remember how I was weird, but I couldnt really socialize and I felt really lonely and had anxiety every morning. My best friend was an 80 year lady who told me every day I would grew up to become a world leader and help the world become a better place, lol. I loved listening to her stories about how life was back when she was young.

Later as an older kid, the people in my class and my ”friends” started saying things like ”I love you” and hug each other. I couldn't. I couldnt stand being touched and I would never lie about loving someone. H*ck I have a hard time telling my parents I love them! All the other girls had boyfriends too, I off course didn't.

I never told my one best friend about any of my crushes and I never told or showed my crushes either. I remember once I was at a party with my crush at that point and he was polite and tried to talk to me but I looked all weird and blurted out ”are you talking to me” (yeah of course you idiot he is lookin straight at you!) and some other nonsense and I'm still thinking about that embarrasing moment today 15 years later.

I'm totally sure i'm an introvert, no questions about it. I do think I have Ni. I'm fairly new to this so I'm not sure what all these mean though, sorry if I'm saying anything wrong. I do feel other peoples emotions, especially people i'm close to, but also others. Once I had to leave a room with a patient because I was feeling a panic attack coming for no reason (I never panic) until I got back and my patient told me she had to leave because she was panicking. I also have a strong intuition or gut feeling. Sometimes I've been dreaming things that were true but I didn't know about. I dont believe in psycics but I tend to see patterns that tell me that something have to be a certain way which often shows later to be true. I can't tell how though.

I'm a perfectionist. I stopped being creative altogether for fear of failure. This is my biggest concern in life beacuse creativity is something I need to be happy.

I try to reason my way into decisions but I can never ignore my gut feeling or my hearts desire. If I do, I later come back changing my mind or thinking about it forever (still ruminating about things from when I was 5 years old… Im soon 30).

I'm constantly thinking about the future. I never really think about the past if it is not overthinking any decision I made. I'm not even that sentimental, only nostalgic. I dont care much about traditions, hence why I dont think Im ISFJ. Im constantly planning, and often get stuck in planning and making lists, I wish I could get into the to-do part but it takes another doer to make me do things…. I am good at writing in my own language at least (english is not my native language) but often I can't seem to form a sentence when I talk. I can see a picture of putting the dishes in the dishwasher and then tell my boyfriend to put the books in the freezer or something weird like that. I'm extremely clumsy and can't keep the food on the plate. I heard infjs are clumsy.

I hate mess but I hate cleaning up mess more. I'm a minimalist and only own the things I want. I rather save up for something for two years and living without an item rather that buying a cheaper but not perfect option. I get stuck in my head a lot. And it feels like my head is about to explode from all the thinking. I'm also extremely private, too private to even show myself who I am it seems and I really want to write about stuff I care about on social media but I am afraid to do so of fear for saying something stupid.

So, why am I doubting that I am INFJ?

First of: I don't care about people that much. I am not really interested in peoples stories unless these people mean a lot to me. I am a good listener though, that is at least what other people keep telling me. I seem to know what to say to make them feel better or to help them. I work at a hospital (not a nurse, I'm not telling you what my title is, I don't want people to figure out who I am even how small that possibility might be). I have cared about people before, but I am too tired now and just shut my feelings for them down. I don't feel like I am understanding or trying to understand people.

I do not stare. I avoid eye contact at all costs. I can stare at people at the bus, but only til they notice me. In fact I can't gather any information about people by looking at them, they distract me. Other possible INFJ I know stare. I don't.

I'm also quite good at being social in groups I'm familiar with. For example at work. I Like talking, I don't mind saying weirds stuff and I can be quite funny. I took me like two years to get to this point though and I'm still apologizing for my presence in other groups at work, even if they told me to come. I'm not really sad about not having friends either (or maybe, two weeks ago I cried because I didnt know who I would ask to be my maid of honor at my future wedding) which seems to be an infj thing.

I have never door slammed anybody. I have never really been really hurt either I think (still together with my first boyfriend), but there are some cases I could have door slammed someone. I mean, I avoid them If I can, but I dont act like they are nothing if we somehow cross paths. I am really afraid of this door slam thing. What if I'm infj and unconsiously door slam my boyfriend when we are having an argument and never can reverse these feelings? My biggest fear is to stop loving the only person I really love. Which leads me to next reason for doubting being an infj: I have a short temper with the people I love. I can snap at every criticism towards me if it comes from my mom or boyfriend. I cry at my chamber if it comes from anybody else but I can get really mad if those closest to me ctitcize me for some reason. I take it really hard and I cant deal with it, and fight back. In other situations I never show emotions or anger. My co-worker told me last week that she was happy to see me mad for the first time ever after a patient nearly died because a stupid surgeon told him to do things without asking me first. I never show signs of stress even if I am exploding on the inside. But I can yell for hours at the people I love This seems to be an ISFJ-thing?

And the last point for now.. I dont feel so special. Other infj I know of are special and people are drawn to them. People say they are special. People remember them and can never get them out of their head. Me? Noone remembers me ever. That infj-girl I didnt want to be compared to I told you about earlier, she is so special people from other parts of the country from other social groups start talking about her for no particular reason without knowing I know her. Not in a good way special they say, but special enough to never forget her. I'm just weird and not special enough to be drawn to or remembered.

Sorry for my very long ramble. I could go on forever. I understand if you don't want to read all this. I just want to belong somewhere and I want to know myself and my feelings. I hope you can help me type me if you don't think I belong here.

Which of these confuse you the most? Think very carefully about your whole life not just recently or based on a medical condition.

Confusion:
Trends
Homeostasis
Ambience
Subjectivity
Structure
Structure and Data
Exactitude
Possibilities
Abstraction