Advice please, Me(infj male) her (intp female) | INFJ Forum

Advice please, Me(infj male) her (intp female)


Dec 17, 2009
First of all hello, this is my first thread or post on this site.

K so i met this Japanese girl, it turns out shes an intp. We have been on only 2 dates so far and it has been absolutely amazing. We were both careful (formalities, casualness) for about an hour tops, then we started talking about life, our social problems getting to know people, our mutual shyness, philosophy, religion, video games, movies, the differences between american and japanese societies. I have never met anyone that can one, keep up with me on most of those topics without getting frustrated, and two, she was actually finishing my sentences for me on these subjects. This has never happened to me before. She doesnt even speak english that well and yet i have more honest and genuine communication with her than any other women ive met (im only 21, but still). Well, it is getting very serious, very fast. We both really like each other, but heres the kicker. It is finals time (were in college) but this is her last semester here. We only have this weekend to be with each other then shes off to Japan untill next fall when she comes back to the states for grad school, but she doesnt even know where shes going. We talked about it and i suggested she apply to a school near my home town, she said that she needs think about it, (keep in mind ive known her for less than 2 weeks.)

I finally met someone i actually connect with and shes going to be gone in less than a week. Im feeling pretty depressed about this and im trying to figure out if she is worth waiting for. I know i wont meet anyone like her anytime soon, so im not worried about that, and (as i just found out last night) im the only guy she has ever even kissed, so i dont think shes going to run off and meet someone else. But still, were in college, and she wont be in the US till next fall... Ive been reading around on the Infj+intp relationship, some people seem to think that they are perfect, others seem to think there will be inevitable conflict. What do you guys think? keep in mind our core belief and value systems coincide more than with anyone i have ever met. We can laugh and joke and have fun, but we can also be very serious and brutally honest with each other without offending because of our reason and mutual understanding. I dated a fair share of women and I really dont think this is just a petty infatuation... Any thoughts on this would be appreciated.

Some backround on me. I am a very shy person and i usually dont get to know anyone easily. I can talk to just about anyone, but usually only if they initiate. I go to a very large city school and meet many women. The problem i have is, im not being cocky, im a relatively attractive person. Girls tend to approach me, and i generally brush them off because, being an infj, i really value honesty and a genuine relationship and i see through the shallowness of most women, your average college girl really isnt into serious dating, at least where i go to school. Ive had multiple girls tell me they thought i was a "player" or something along those lines. They either think im completely just after sex, or think im wierd because when i genuinely like them I try (too hard apparently) to get to know them. Furthermore, im sexually frustrated, because it is extremely difficult for me to engage a women knowing full well all i want is sex (believe me ive tried). Basically, most women cannot get past what i look like and simply try to get to know me. And i cannot have intellectually stimulating conversations with ANY of them, they tell me im wierd or something if i try to. The last two girls i dated toted me around like some fucking prize to show off to their friends. Im so fed up with these shallow, ego-centric, small minded, cosmo reading women. *Bang my head against a fucking WALL*

if you actually read this far thank you, i know its pretty long-winded
It seems like your in a very though position, I myself are very shy and reclusive, but when I finally get to start a friendship, t always ends with one of us having to go, which gets me very depressed, my advice is this, it's now or never, try to keep n contact with her, if she was truly interested in you and found you appealing she would try to keep in contact with you. Encourage her and always give her the best advice when it comes making he final decision. Don't look at the type so much, try looking at the maturity of the person, INFJ and INTP can work perfectly if given he chance, as they balance each other our pretty well and usually understand their mutual needs for privacy.
I think that you found each other is wonderful...

There is an old Italian proverb I will share with you:

Absense is to love,
what wind is to fire.
It exstinguishes the small,
and enkindles the great.

I suppose if you both really find that you connect, and that your feelings for eachother are deepening, then it's quite understandable that you could give it a try with the long distance. I understand that fears come with any risk, and that it will be your hearts that you risk hurting doing either just letting eachother go, or trying it out.

There really is no easy answer, but if it were me, I'd give it a try, and be comforted with the connection I'd get with skype or msn. Maybe you guys could get web cams if you decided to give it a go long distance. It would help if you could see into eachothers eyes across the miles.

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First off, Welcome! Glad you found this and decided to post. You sound like a fairly typical INFJ, with problems that are not uncommon to many of us. I think you will find anyone who read the thread will have read your entire post too. I think the advice Ria gave is solid. Absense can make the heart grow fonder--or drive a wedge. It is really cool that you have both obviously made a real connection. They are rare and should not be ignored. Stay in contact, even if from a distance, and see what happens. I like your attitude on shallow people (woman) too. Very few guys would feel this way and this, more than anything, tells me you are probably INFJ or maybe INFP. I wish you luck!
Came across this thread when looking at INTP-INFJ did it go?