I see there are some other threads about dating. Umpteen actually. However, this Fe explosion is personal in nature which makes me think it deserves a thread. Alas, here it goes:
First, I'm a lesbian - so that is out there.
Second, I've been talking to a local lady in email, on the phone for the last month and a half or so. We finally met Friday night. We had dinner at a local restaurant. Ended up being 3 hours of food and talking. I thought we connected well.
It ended as we were leaving, she was going to use the restroom. Then she stopped suddenly and gave me a hug. It wasn't a shallow light hug, I thought it was a deeper hug. She didn't say anything about plans or doing it again. I didn't push anything at all, as I prefer to take my time anyway after my last relationship which almost killed me when it ended (literally).
I told her I'd email her (which I had something I said I'd send her). I did that, and texted her the next morning saying I had a nice time and we should do it again. The response? Nothing. Silence. Crickets chirping.
I hate it. This is where the rant comes in. I can't stand being "hung up" on. I sense she's still processing it, but I need communication and some form of feedback. I know she could be busy. Since when is being nice, ignoring someone? Maybe this is being clingy, perhaps. At least, on a mental plane. I gave feedback, let her know where I stand. How hard it is to say "no thanks" or "lets, but let me get back to you".
This hurts me as well because I open myself to the possibilities. That a deep love is possible. The love I need, the love that feeds my soul - it exists. In all our prior discussions it felt like a connection was there.
I've been crying tonight. Something deep down is hurting. Is it old pain from hurting so bad when I broke up with my ex that lead me to a suicide attempt? Is it the disappointment in that a love I thought for a millisecond a dared to dream existed evaporated in front of my eyes leaving an empty arid wasteland that is my emotional reality.
If you read this I thank you. I feel like such a failure in relationships. Connecting is so hard and so much work. The let down, pain and hurt of being "hung up" on - its made me break out the bottle of gray goose.
I don't know how people date. It makes me want to just clock out. Seriously, it does. The pain is too much.
First, I'm a lesbian - so that is out there.
Second, I've been talking to a local lady in email, on the phone for the last month and a half or so. We finally met Friday night. We had dinner at a local restaurant. Ended up being 3 hours of food and talking. I thought we connected well.
It ended as we were leaving, she was going to use the restroom. Then she stopped suddenly and gave me a hug. It wasn't a shallow light hug, I thought it was a deeper hug. She didn't say anything about plans or doing it again. I didn't push anything at all, as I prefer to take my time anyway after my last relationship which almost killed me when it ended (literally).
I told her I'd email her (which I had something I said I'd send her). I did that, and texted her the next morning saying I had a nice time and we should do it again. The response? Nothing. Silence. Crickets chirping.
I hate it. This is where the rant comes in. I can't stand being "hung up" on. I sense she's still processing it, but I need communication and some form of feedback. I know she could be busy. Since when is being nice, ignoring someone? Maybe this is being clingy, perhaps. At least, on a mental plane. I gave feedback, let her know where I stand. How hard it is to say "no thanks" or "lets, but let me get back to you".
This hurts me as well because I open myself to the possibilities. That a deep love is possible. The love I need, the love that feeds my soul - it exists. In all our prior discussions it felt like a connection was there.
I've been crying tonight. Something deep down is hurting. Is it old pain from hurting so bad when I broke up with my ex that lead me to a suicide attempt? Is it the disappointment in that a love I thought for a millisecond a dared to dream existed evaporated in front of my eyes leaving an empty arid wasteland that is my emotional reality.
If you read this I thank you. I feel like such a failure in relationships. Connecting is so hard and so much work. The let down, pain and hurt of being "hung up" on - its made me break out the bottle of gray goose.
I don't know how people date. It makes me want to just clock out. Seriously, it does. The pain is too much.