A indepth Fe explosion about dating

Maybe she is just as unnerved in the dating world as you are... Maybe she likes you, but she's not ready for anything.. so she's disappeared.. Or maybe she didn't feel chemistry and she's not being upfront.
Romantic relationships are as frightening as they are rewarding..

My advice? (And I should be taking my own advice here, too!) Is to focus on yourself and enjoy yourself and every beautiful little thing in life.. It is true that there is poetry and beauty in everything, so just focus on that, focus on doing things you enjoy doing that make you feel calm and peaceful and productive...Build yourself up, love yourself, value the friendships and relationships you have, and try not to worry about romance. Don't put all your energy into worrying about what your date is doing or thinking, it won't accomplish anything it will only drag you down. If she calls she calls, if not-- just consider it not worth your while. Everyone deserves to be with someone who is honest and respectful and upfront with them.

 

I think the problem with INFJ types when it comes to approaching love is that they tend to think that love is something they need; something that will complete them. I'm not entirely sure on the reliability of my advice, as I don't test it out myself, but I've seen that while it is natural to get excited at the beginning of a relationship or 'the possibility' that being too focused on love in your life can be an entirely different thing.

I don't know if you would agree to say that a lot of what you feel you are lacking in your life is love, but that is what I have found with people who are in similar situations. If you know the reason that your previous relationship failed, it may be helpful to bring it to light because you may not have entirely resolved the internal conflict.

How long have you been out of contact with said person?

 

I think that's most people, and not exclusive the the INFJ type.

 

I really hate that too. I've had many people just disappear on me when I was starting to get my hopes up.

I'm sorry this happened to you.

 

I'm sorry to hear this has caused you so much sadness. I hope everything works out. I don't know if it'll actually make you feel better, but I really do understand how that feels... maybe not on the same level, but here's my feeble attempt at connecting:

I once had a friend who was probably the closest friend I've had all of my life. I was so close to him at a time that I could almost tell him anything on my mind and know that it wouldn't affect our friendship. No one else, not even my family, was closer to me ever, and still never was. Then he moved a few towns over, and I noticed he started to change. He just didn't feel like putting a little extra effort to talk to me, or even remember me. We started seeing each other less often, and now, I'm the only one who calls him. I'm not sure if it's worth it, but I can't get over those memories. I don't think I'll find another friend like that for a long time, but I guess that friend doesn't exist anymore. I'm lucky if he even bothers picking up the phone when I call, and even luckier if he agrees to do something...

Best of luck to you with this. I know how dependent we can sometimes be with people we feel close to, or at least closer than with others.

 

I'm starting to consider the possibility that what you described happens to me because I give off some sort of alarm pheromone that tells the person i'm secretly, hopelessly way more into what I'm feeling than they are. AKA: "beware it's an INFJ, get outta there!" pheromone.

I get so disappointed in myself when I end up spending any amount of time with a person i'm interested in all absorbed in my thoughts about how well i'm separating my perceived idea of proper mating ritual behavior from what I truly want to be exhibiting... which is usually a hyperactive imaginiation reading into every move, taunting me and begging to blurt out things that ought to be saved for at least a second date.

 

Nice! Great to find another on the forum!

In my opinion, it shouldn't always be construed as "clingy" to want someone to be responsive, especially when it seems to fit into the "social rules" of dating convention. Someone once told me that good dating is a lot like a good game of catch.. you toss the ball and they should toss it back to you (continue over and over again). if that person is taking so long to toss that ball back, of course you can't help but start to wonder. But more often than not, it's the other person's issue that is keeping them from tossing it back right away.

it's terrible you feel this way but you must remind yourself that all is not lost, despite the fact that the death of possibility can be a bit painful.

i was rejected very recently by a girl i was seeing for a couple of months (who happened to be INFJ) and had the same streak of hopelessness about the situation, but quickly came to realize it is not productive to blame myself for something that is ultimately probably for the best. it sounds like you took initiative and made your intentions known--and that takes a ridiculous amount of courage.

all we can do is make sure we are healthy, happy and our potential running at 200% ... so that when the CORRECT option presents itself... well. we'll be flippin AMAZING. and you will be.

 

exactly the same as me haha especially the 2nd part

 

Same for me too, although I have been out of the dating loop for a while. There is nothing my mind loves to obsess more on than relationships. Awareness and practicing controling this will help. We "NF" types have very tender souls, it's best for us to not continually handle them if we can help it.