Here's How Attraction Works

AWW that's so sweet @the
Haha I do not consider my attractiveness very much. I am single and do not date. I do not feel like a Stacy or was ever very popular.

I am, however, comfortable with who I am. I am almost 50. That is a recent photo, so I am not "holding up" too bad.

There are no children. No ex husband or current prince to "sweep me off my feet".
I'm fine with that fucking fine. Why? Because they were choices I made in my life rather than wanting something different but not doing anything about it. See. That's how it works. You try to get what you want in life, you make an effort. And when things are not important, you do not miss them.

Effort does not guarantee success. But people who make the effort to genuinely get what they want, are happier. A woman is not a thing to be won. That's the whole problem. It's two thinking, feeling people deciding to make a life together.

(SIDE NOTE: I suppose it's what makes me feel like an ENTP. I have room for myself and my ideas. My family is here and if I never find someone willing to tag along, so be it. If not, meh. )

Attraction is weird, and not the same for everyone. It's sometimes involuntary and subconscious. Certain traits can be attractive. But you can be highly attracted to someone and not know what caused it.You can even hate your attraction and it won't go away, because it's not always some rational thing. One of the toughest things about attractions I've had is that most are not mutual much less reciprocated or viable, or it simply remains in the mind where it will never be real.

Nixie said:

Women are not "things with a depreciating value" This is another facet of incel ideology. The idea of a women's "value" and how her vagina gets used up on the Chad cock carousel and her vagina becomes loose and undersirable

Seriously. I think these men are really emotionally retarded because they lack basic socialition skills. That part where you learn to accept disappoint, to see people not things to be used because you want, and to learn to deal with their own issues without projecting them onto others.

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fair enough, a woman is not a "thing" but thats stupidly obvious comment, not much there.
but to play along, a Man is not THING either, or more so should I say that a Man is not a walking ATM. In fact I think it would be quite the noble and humanitarian thing to do if women would date and marry Men with NO JOBS!

You know ....so that way a man is not defined on his "value" to a woman.

@Reverist

To respond in general to your comments,
I hold Women accountable....PERIOD.
for what they say....for what they don't say.....for what they DO and what they don't DO. I Hold women accountable for their sins, their faults..... for the mistakes they have made and the ones they will make in the future.

I treat them the same way I treat a MAN.

So yes I say YES a woman is accountable for the initial status of the relationship.
the male is accountable for the commitment 2nd phase of the relationship.

just look at the common comments related to this.

"he cant GET a girl"
"she cant KEEP a man"

And honestly I find your comment about a "women proving her self" to be almost insulting. It is clearly coming from that feminist pov of a women proving herself in a "mans world" (funny its a mans world.....but men are the ones doing the dying)

BUT i digress, this conversation is about "attraction" not feminist vs the "evil injustice of the male world"
and IN ATTRACTION I dont think women have prove much. I basis this off data from tinder and online dating resources which state that
men find 80% of women in these apps attractive and would date.

in contrast.
women find only 20% of the males to be acceptable.

once again You cannot argue with biology. and that is the 80-20 rule.

20% of men sleep with 80% of women period.
this means

80% of men are deemed UNWORTHY by women to enter into a relationship or father children


Now Who has burden of proof?

NOW understand this data does not make me mad, it simply is. in fact women have been 100% responsible for the evolution of mankind....simply by rejecting 80% men with poor genes and stupid brains.

Where does this 80/20 rule come from?

the said:

Where does this 80/20 rule come from?

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Find sources on anything related to attraction, and most of it will be regarded as psuedo science/subjective. All you can do is accept or reject it.

I think that the best thing a young man can do is throw himself into the world and lay siege to it. Once he's acquired enough capital, the odds that he will find a suitor are almost inevitable.

I call it... "The Bill Gates."

Gaze said:

Attraction is weird, and not the same for everyone. It's sometimes involuntary and subconscious. Certain traits can be attractive. But you can be highly attracted to someone and not know what caused it.You can even hate your attraction and it won't go away, because it's not always some rational thing. One of the toughest things about attractions I've had is that most are not mutual much less reciprocated or viable, or it simply remains in the mind where it will never be real.

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I'd say this, very much.

I think there are some things that are conventional, that many people agree upon and it's been socialized into us to the point that we may miss other genuine moments of connection because we're looking for the obvious markers. Then again, sometimes the attraction is so strong that it's only strengthened by our awareness of the contrasts. We may assign more to it than we otherwise would because it's so different.

It's a hard thing to qualify. You know it when you experience it.

@Ren
@Reason
@Deleted member 16771
@Wyote

Is my prior post "plan of action" not correct?

Pin said:

I think that the best thing a young man can do is throw himself into the world and lay siege to it. Once he's acquired enough capital, the odds that he will find a suitor are almost inevitable.

I call it... "The Bill Gates."

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Pin said:

@Ren
@Reason
@Deleted member 16771
@Wyote

Is my prior post "plan of action" not correct?

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Well, what I want to ask you is: why would finding a suitor be so heavily tied to your financial capital? Do you consider your other kinds of capital insufficient?

Wyote said:

Love is not monetarily related.
If/when you find a person who stands by you when everything has fallen/will fall apart, you will know what to do.

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I'm half-joking but humor me.

Forget love for now. If one practices "The Bill Gates" does merely finding a suitor not become simple?

Sorry, @Pin, I don't give a fuck about this conversation, so I don't have much to add.

My concern about such things waned from the age of about 26/7, and now I like to emphasize the individual and ethical aspects of courting, e.g. how much do the partners complement each other (which is a very individual thing), and do their individual characteristics of loyalty and trust match in order to lay the foundations of a committed relationship.

The best thing you can do is to be yourself, and that way you'll attract only the people that are right for you. Don't bend too much, as the strategy of deliberately setting out to attract gold digging whores has at least one flaw I can think of.

The very strange thing about all of these 'biological' explanations is that they seem to willfully ignore the massive edifice of civilisation that we stand upon (including all of the actual biological evolution in the last ten thousand years to accommodate it) and pretend that we're all really just shaven apes when it comes down to it, which is the biggest load of bullshit I've ever heard.

I wonder how the changes in our world today, with all the freedoms and options we have, have affected attraction. There's just something in the air that wasn't there 10 or 20 years ago that's made attraction a weirder thing. In the past, it was nearly as simple as, "I like you. Do you like me too?". Now, it's so easy to feel totally underqualified for every little thing you don't have that checks someone's list. And people don't get to know each other very well. It's not about you and them in an equal playing field but whether you can give them what they want. It's all about the menu, and knowing that if something doesn't click right away, you can always send it back or get something else, or just make it into what you want it to be.

Edit: You didn't need to have life figured out or know what you want or what you should have or need. Learning that was part of the process. That was the journey. Wasn't about having it all and getting rich or being successful. It's seems pretty much about power couples and trophy partners. How do they fit in your social circle? What can they offer?

Deleted member 16771 said:

The best thing you can do is to be yourself

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Yes! This is compatible with the ethics of open monism.

Deleted member 16771 said:

Sorry, @Pin, I don't give a fuck about this conversation, so I don't have much to add.

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Ha! Fair enough.

Gaze said:

I wonder how the changes in our world today, with all the freedoms and options we have, have affected attraction. There's just something in the air that wasn't there 10 or 20 years ago that's made attraction a weirder thing. In the past, it was nearly as simple as, "I like you. Do you like me too?". Now, it's so easy to feel totally underqualified for every little thing you don't have that checks someone's list. And people don't get to know each other very well. It's not about you and them in an equal playing field but whether you can give them what they want. It's all about the menu, and knowing that if something doesn't click right away, you can always send it back or get something else, or just make it into what you want it to be.

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I think it started about the time online dating and social media became more mainstream. You have an entire catalog of potential partners, paired with the notion that out of the thousands you peruse, there will be ONE that meets all your criteria. But once you spend some time flipping through the proverbial book, you realize that there is no perfect match. The algorithm lies, people stretch the truth to be more desirable, and in a way, you're expected to stretch the truth too... or at least, up your 'qualifications.'

People have found love in their immediate vicinity for millions of years. They didn't have the whole world at their fingertips. They didn't have all the options. Now we have too many options and one foot perpetually out the door because there's someone potentially better suited to our needs just around the corner.

Dating is now a superstore experience.

I read an article recently that I think someone here posted about how the writer was in a committed relationship but would use online dating apps to go on individual one off dates to test the waters. See if they had the right companion.... I was truly appalled.

Pin said:

I think that the best thing a young man can do is throw himself into the world and lay siege to it. Once he's acquired enough capital, the odds that he will find a suitor are almost inevitable.

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A full coin sack is a poor substitute for a full heart Mr Scrooge.