Your thoughts on the ceremonious | INFJ Forum

Your thoughts on the ceremonious

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by acd, May 10, 2012.

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  1. acd

    acd Well-known member

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    I have never been a fan.

    I just finished my bachelor degree.
    I don't feel like going to the commencement.
    It's going to be at least an hour long traffic jam in the parking lot, tons of people everywhere,
    three hours of standing and waiting, plus I didn't feel like shelling out $60 for a cap and gown.
    And it's not like you actually receive your diploma that day--that comes in the mail.
    I feel like I've spent so much time in school, I just want to be totally done.

    My family isn't really disappointed, because we're just going to have a huge party.
    If my mom would have voiced disappointment when I said I didn't feel like going to the commencement, I would have gone for her sake.

    Well, I started this new job 6 weeks ago and my co-workers and supervisors are great. Very nice people.
    The day after I finished my last class, the dept. manager called me in her office to hug me (a literal full on embrace, none of that side hug stuff)
    and and tell me congratulations and ask me if anyone bought me a cake yet!
    Today, they had a huge cake--went so far as to decorate it in my school colors.. And both managers asked about commencement and I said I wasn't going.
    After I sent an email thanking everyone, the dept. manager wrote me back that she didn't mean to pressure me, but she thought I earned the walk and that she hoped I'd go.

    They reacted like I'm selling myself short and I deserve to go. I didn't explain myself, but thanked them profusely.
    I almost feel guilty for not going to the commencement because they seemed disappointed that I wasn't! lol.

    A few days prior someone else asked me if I got tickets for everyone to go to commencement and I just said no and that I wasn't going to go.
    Maybe there was a miscommunication and now it's circulating around that I'm not going because I didn't get tickets for everyone I wanted to go.
    Even in that instance, I still didn't feel like explaining why I wasn't interested in going, because it was apparent that this co-worker thought going to the ceremony was extremely important and then they started talking about their own commencement and I didn't want to be a Debbie Downer on them.)

    Idon't feel like I need acknowledgment. I don't feel I've earned acknowledgement.
    It doesn't mean I don't value my own accomplishments..I'm hopping proud of myself for finishing, actually.
    I don't feel I need a ceremony to gain closure for one chapter in my life.
    I'd rather gain the closure I guess by having a huge party with all my family and friends celebrating with me, rather than in some somber and serious ceremony in a crowd of people I don't really know.
    I don't get what the big deal is.
    /rambling


    What are your thoughts on the ceremonious?
     
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    #1 acd, May 10, 2012
    Last edited: May 11, 2012
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  2. the

    the Si master race.
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    If PUC is like PNC in that the people treat it as little more than a community college and have bills to pay and everything else to do, then I can see skipping it. But if I went to a school like Yale then I would go to the ceremony.
     
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  3. Radiantshadow

    Radiantshadow Urban shaman

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    This. Though much less monumental, I'm graduating high school in a few weeks and...this is exactly how I feel. I prefer personalized, intimate celebration over the pomp and circumstance of tradition.
     
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  4. Nixie

    Nixie Resurrected

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    Congratulations!

    Walking is supposed to be a rite of passage. The commencement ceremony for the university I work at is tomorrow. I think it is a great experience and shouldn't be missed. All the great and monumentous things in life are a hassle. It is however, your accomplishment and you should celebrate it as you see fit.
     
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  5. OP
    acd

    acd Well-known member

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    Thanks, I can appreciate for others that it is a rite of passage.


    Maybe I just feel this way because I'm old for a student.
    It's taken me almost 7 years to work and go part-time.
     
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  6. Nixie

    Nixie Resurrected

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    I would see that differently though. I plan on going back and finishing my degree starting next semester. You know you had to sacrifice and work hard to squeeze the time in to get your degree. You didn't have mommy and daddy paying your way. You worked and went to school.

    Like I said though, it is your day and your achievement. Don't sell your hard work short though, it took more effort, drive and detemination to get your degree being an older student.

    Congratulations! I'm sure there are a lot of people who are proud of you, and rightly so.
     
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  7. Korg

    Korg Banging on the walls

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    When I graduated from college, my parents were a lot more excited than I was - I remember my mom practically jumping up and down cheering. Of course, I was having an emotional breakdown at that time in my life so that sorta lowered my happiness levels and desire to be focused upon.

    When I graduated from audio school a few years ago, I'd spent about 70 - 80 hours a week with the same seven people in small classrooms for an entire year. Every single day we saw each other. I didn't dislike them personally but the last thing I wanted was to see their faces again. I had the flu and a fever on grad day, but I was expected to give a speech at the commencement and do a whole Q&A dog-and-pony show with hundreds of people watching. I soldiered through it but I didn't want to be there, didn't care, I just wanted to sleep for a month and get on with the next phase of my life. After the conclusion of the events, I walked back to my apartment and haven't seen any of those people since.
     
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  8. charlene

    charlene never mind no matter nevermind

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    [MENTION=564]acd[/MENTION] I think I know exaclty how you feel. I find it so frustrating explaining it to others- they always think that Im just selling myself short. I feel like its the opposite, that I already feel successful and dont need that acknowlegement in a public way. I tolerate or avoid many ceremonies. And I destest being the centre of attention. Some ceremonies are nice, like a close friends wedding or something, but otherwise I find it a bit tedious, boring and unecessary. Especialy if its full of ritual. I feel like Im a child sitting in church on the pews again, cleaning my fingernails and keeping from yawning, while making up funny scenarios to amuse myslef. I do think that these ceremonies have value, but I personally dont enjoy attending them. Unless they are going to be extremely entertaining or meaningful to me or someone I really like.

    and Congratulations! Thats awesome!!
     
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  9. Whiskers

    Whiskers Community Member

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    I share your sentiments.

    I avoid these kind of ceremonies. My accomplishments speak for themselves and I don't derive any further benefit from a formal affair to 'celebrate' them. I regard it largely as a costly inconvenience.
     
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  10. this is only temporary

    this is only temporary Community Member

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    And that's what really matters, right? I would feel exactly the same way as the OP about the ceremony, and would not enjoy going up on stage, but would enjoy the cake and appreciate the coworkers who gave it to me. I'd probably do it only if someone close to me really wanted the photo op of me up there in a cap and gown.

    And congratulations, however you celebrate it, it really is a big achievement, so YAY to you!
     
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  11. GracieRuth

    GracieRuth Permanent Fixture

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    I personally enjoy ceremony, but if you don't, then you don't. It sounds like you are finding other ways to celebrate your graduation, so YAY!

    There is a substantial minority for whom there is always one right way to do things. THEY will not understand why you don't want to attend commencement. You won't be able to alter their mindset (just as they won't alter yours) so don't try.

    Mazeltov on your fabulous acheivement!
     
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  12. OP
    acd

    acd Well-known member

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    I think that if I had to plan a wedding I would hate it.
    I would hate having to think about what other people are expecting and to not leave anyone out and what little minute details need to be attended to.
    All that hard work and resources just for one day and it's not all for you--it's for the others, looming in your mind. You know you must attend to the expectations.

    I think that's it: Ceremonies aren't really for the individual; they are for the group.

    Maybe that's what I dislike about them.
    Or maybe I'm just lazy and hate details.
     
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  13. niffer

    niffer Well-known member

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    I like ceremonies unless they're super long and boring, or repetitive, or unless I don't know or care about anybody there. I would want to be a part of once-in-a-lifetime type things, even of they are standard for everybody else as well. I like to be able to have shared milestone type things with people I care about, or if it was a big event related to something important in my life.
     
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  14. Trifoilum

    Trifoilum find wisdom, build hope.

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    Congrats for the bachelor degree. :)

    I dunno; for me it's half seeing the people I may not see again (or will see again, dunno; opportunities)...

    And the last is a giant middle finger. But yes; I can see how it'll be boring. >_<
     
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  15. Flavus Aquila

    Flavus Aquila Finding My Place in the Sun
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    I love the way your co-workers somehow made your personal decision about themselves. It reminds me of an Oscar Wilde story.

    Anyhow, this is related to answering your question: I like ceremonies that are approached by the partakers with an attitude of it being about 'other' - like military parades, religious ceremonies, olympic ceremonies, etc. I dislike ceremonies that are approached by the partakers with an attitude of it being about 'me' - like acceptance speeches, brides at weddings, graduations, etc.

    It especially irks me when a ceremony that is 'other' focused becomes self-focused: like when a state official is sworn in, but talks about him/herself, or when an olympian doesn't accept the award acknowledging their team and country, etc.
     
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  16. BritNi

    BritNi Perceptive Optimist

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    So, I received my Cap, gown, and that stringy thing that has the year 2019 on it for my graduation ceremony. The ceremony is in the beginning of May. The deadline to sign up for the commencement was in February, and at the time, I was ambivalent, so I decided to get the package just in case I decided to go.

    Well, I didn't attend my high school graduation. I surely don't want to attend this one. The thing is, I have no friends whom I will be graduating with. Also, most of my family are in other states. I have a nonbiological family here. They encourage me to go. They say it's such a "huge achievement." But, if I'm doing what I want to do, then I am just going to take some professional photos celebrating my success. I don't feel that receiving my bachelor's is a big enough event to celebrate. I may decide to walk once I finish my master's. But... we will see.

    I don't like the crowd. I don't feel like listening to the high achieving students talk for an hour. All I would be doing is literally walking across and shaking my mentor's hand. But, I can do that anytime I want. So, I am [happily] not attending.
     
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  17. neko

    neko poopie head

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    Oof, the only ceremonies I went to were for my first master's and my Phd, because well.. I worked really hard for those.
    I don't like the whole procedure, though.. the sitting there while lots of people give speeches, walking across the stage, being the center of attention. big yikes.. but I felt it was important for those two degrees, and it actually did feel good.

    I find it totally understandable for someone to not want to go to those ceremonies, and I don't think you should be made to feel bad about it, either. We all celebrate our achievements in different ways!
     
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  18. OP
    acd

    acd Well-known member

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    Congrats!!!
    Yes do something special and meaningful for yourself to celebrate your accomplishment! The professional photos sounds like a great idea.
     
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  19. BritNi

    BritNi Perceptive Optimist

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    Thank you! And... thanks for the thread. It felt good getting that out. ♡ have a lovely day.
     
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  20. Asa

    Asa Resident palindrome

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    Congrats @BritNi !


    I'm w/ you and @acd

    I went to my art school ceremony because attending that school was so important to me (it signified acceptance as an artist and freedom to be myself), but we didn't walk or receive diplomas at the ceremony. I'm not sure I would have attended if we had to walk.

    I skipped my university ceremony.
     
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