Your Parents (and Their Types)

[April]

Hi all, so last week I watched a video from INTJ & INFP Coffee and the INTJ there (Alex) mentioned that her mum is an ESFJ, just like mine, which got me wondering if there's any pattern between the types of our parents and our types.

In my case, I'm an INTJ and my mum is an ESFJ. While I was raised just by my mum after the age of about 5, I reckon that my dad was probably either an INTJ or INFJ from what my mum has said. I'll post a little conversation we had about it today (anonymised) so you can see how I came to that conclusion (also she's cute ).

So guys, what about your parents? What were they like, what types do you think they were/are, and how do you think that has influenced your own personality type?

Spoiler

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Cute convo.
Dad = ESTJ Very strict, very stubborn, doesn't value emotion but reason (only his own though) very racist, very opinionated, veryyy controlling , demands respect, egotistical, confident, very funny, Trump Supporter, cares a lot about repuation and image, objectified women, superficial in relationships, overabundance of pride except his living conditions (we grew up in a bad area in a mobile home and he wasn't ashamed at all) made sure i wore name brand clothes, loved to party until very recently, very good with money but earned it illegally, offended easily, very quick to anger and will fight in a heartbeat.. provoked fear and respect in me and *tried* to teach me morals and whatnot but i already had my own and they surpassed his in certain ways... but the way he provided, protected, and made sure i had everything i needed (except emotionally, -he never considered my feelings) made me respect him and i do love him and am very grateful for him. Especially now, if it weren't for him, I'd be without many things. He still provides for me.

Mom = ESFJ
Loved to party in younger years, alcoholic in later years, picks spouse over her children, codependant, very religious now, not an original thought in her brain/ looks to others to know how to feel and think, usually just assumes whatever her current bf or husband needs... no deep thinking but this was actually very helpful sometimes when i would overthink, more of a friend than a mother, theres not much to say about her because shes really simple. But even after a huge betrayal, i love her so. I miss her so damn much. But bc of the betrayal situation we don't get to hang out much.

I'm very much aware my parents are very much a huge reason i have so many issues. But they are also sorta responsible for the good in me

I got mommy and daddy issues come at me bros

But damn, I love them even though what i described was mainly negative.

My sister is INFP and she was raised by mom and i was raised by dad. Huge differences in morals, and promiscuity and drugs and things of other differences but we used to be close before she helped my mom betray me just to gey back at my dad. I miss the good ole days...

Anyway yeah i'm just fucked in the head all the way around

 

[Ren]

Me: I don't know. Bird swears I'm an ENTJ, but I can't accept the 'E'. I find the enneagram to be a lot more relatable.

Here I think you have more of an INTJ vibe, but again that's just online. I just see a lot of Fi going on in your posts, especially on your blogs.

What enneagram do you identify with the most?

If I had to guess, I would say you're Gut 8, Head 5 (or 6), Heart 4.

 

[Odyne]

Didn't know you identified as everyone's favourite internet edgelords, either.

Well, when I said everyone needs an INTJ in their life, I meant me obviously. : P

My father was loving, but he was very intellectually driven. His childhood was ravaged by war, so he uses reason and logic to make sense of the world. My mother was also loving and incredibly strong and independent. She is my role model as a woman, but she cared about fluffy things like decorum and gestures and cultural traditions, etc. Which I found stifling. My dad rejected all of that, and so did we, my sister and I. It must've been hard for my mother to be part of a family of rebels lol

My sister organizes her world with respect to her values and how she feels about the world (aka what she finds virtuous and what isn't) and she is a very sensitive and empathetic person. When the world doesn't fit her value structure, she finds it very agonizing.

Me: I don't know. Bird swears I'm an ENTJ, but I can't accept the 'E'. I find the enneagram to be a lot more relatable.

I would second Bird. I think ENTJ fits more in the sense of Te+Ni, not necessarily in that you are a gregarious type of person.
Enneagram: 8w7, right?

 

[David54]

Anyway yeah i'm just fucked in the head all the way around

ok, I beg to differ . .we all have parent issues, but we are so much more than the product of who they were or what they did, or didn't do. I spent along time trying to process my father and the way that he didn't even know my name, among other issues. and my mother's mind numbing depression. . and yes, it took a long time, but you'll eventually get to a place where those impacts fade away. . and aperson as lovely as you is not fucked in the head. . maybe a bit off kilter sometimes. .

 

[Ren]

And what enneagram do you identify with, @Odyne?

Just curious.

 

[April]

Thank you david. I'm feeling sort of detached weirdly enough. So i'm okay now lol. The parents are sort of a sensitive subject for me. There's a lot of pain in these relationships

 

[Odyne]

And what enneagram do you identify with, @Odyne?

Just curious.

8w7, although I somewhat mellowed down with time and age

 

[Ren]

Update on my family and their types:

Mom ISFP 9w1
Dad ENFJ 2w3
Maternal grandmother ESTJ 8w9
Maternal grandfather INFP 9w1
Paternal grandmother ESFJ 2w1
Paternal grandfather ISFJ 1w2
Brother INFP 4w5
Me: INFJ or INFP 4w5

 

[Ren]

8w7, although I somewhat mellowed down with time and age

Haha, I would have said 8 was somewhere but I wouldn't have guessed first place. You seem very balanced.

 

[David54]

There's a lot of pain in these relationships

I don't mean to minimize that at all. it took me years, many more than you've been on the planet to work it all out. . and you will too. I know the feeling of family dysfunction, I'm still trying to process a brother that refuses to have anything to do with me. . sadly,it may be a life long journey with no final destination

 

[April]

I don't mean to minimize that at all. it took me years, many more than you've been on the planet to work it all out. . and you will too. I know the feeling of family dysfunction, I'm still trying to process a brother that refuses to have anything to do with me. . sadly,it may be a life long journey with no final destination

Well today ive been repeating in my head... "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger"
Much love.

 

[Odyne]

Haha, I would have said 8 was somewhere but I wouldn't have guessed first place. You seem very balanced.

Thanks. ( :
I am in a perpetual state of self-reflection.

 

[David54]

Well today ive been repeating in my head... "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger"
Much love.

how about this instead:
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.

 

[Ren]

"what doesn't kill you makes you stronger"

 

[Korg]

What enneagram do you identify with the most?

If I had to guess, I would say you're Gut 8, Head 5 (or 6), Heart 4.

Enneagram 8. I haven't taken any of these tests in years but of all the results and descriptions I remember, 8 was the one that nailed it. It had that whole feeling of 'this was written by someone who has been watching me my whole life'.

I would second Bird. I think ENTJ fits more in the sense of Te+Ni, not necessarily in that you are a gregarious type of person.

I need to read up on functions, but that is essentially her argument for ENTJ as well -- it's not a matter of social orientation, it's a matter of cognition. That, and the fact she has lived with me for 8 years, lol. I can't remember what my wing is.

 

[Deleted member 16771]

Enneagram 8. I haven't taken any of these tests in years but of all the results and descriptions I remember, 8 was the one that nailed it. It had that whole feeling of 'this was written by someone who has been watching me my whole life'.




I need to read up on functions, but that is essentially her argument for ENTJ as well -- it's not a matter of social orientation, it's a matter of cognition. That, and the fact she has lived with me for 8 years, lol. I can't remember what my wing is.

But what's pulling you towards INTJ? Just the introversion?

 

[Korg]

But what's pulling you towards INTJ? Just the introversion?

Correct

 

[Lady Jolanda]

Ok, for some reason that laughing picture is really unnerving. It's just wrong.

 

[Ren]

Enneagram 8. I haven't taken any of these tests in years but of all the results and descriptions I remember, 8 was the one that nailed it. It had that whole feeling of 'this was written by someone who has been watching me my whole life'.

I need to read up on functions, but that is essentially her argument for ENTJ as well -- it's not a matter of social orientation, it's a matter of cognition. That, and the fact she has lived with me for 8 years, lol. I can't remember what my wing is.

You're probably on the cusp. But yeah, ultimately the functional stack is what determines your type, so it all depends whether you identify more with Ni-dom or Te-dom.

My buddy @Pin is a verified ENTJ, his Te is overwhelmingly visible which makes him easier to pin down (no pun intended).

 

[Ren]

Ok, for some reason that laughing picture is really unnerving. It's just wrong.

Lmao now that I’m looking at it again, I see where you're coming from! I don't think I'm going to sleep tonight