Why it sucks to be an INFJ

Being an INFJ can be like being in Brody's position in the movie Jaws. You're out in the middle of the ocean with a couple of blokes. You have a problem to solve(killing the shark). You're stuck, but you have a radio. You do the logical thing - you use your radio to call out for help. And then, one of the blokes, Quint, destroys your radio. You understandably get upset, but it is just seen as "an emotional thing". Everyone tells you to calm down. Things don't start looking up until they get eaten by the shark, and you take that lucky shot with a rifle, which (in the movie) blows up the shark. I love Jaws.

 

The sharks swim away when we stop bleeding.

 

This made me laugh. But I love Jaws and totally feel the same.

 

Why it sucks to be an INFJ?

Entertainment industry escapism doesn't work well when your brain draws parallels to real world problems with such ease.

 

This.

 

Quint was an ESTP all day long lol

 

• Always feeling like a n00b, even if you've had considerable experience in a particular area
• Only allowed to take things so far (unless you're working on something alone)
• Feeling like a stranger, never quite known or belonging no matter where you are.
• Going through repeated "fresh starts", having to start over from ground zero, never quite established; it's always got to be something "new" or a "surprise". This doesn't always suck, but it can be a little uncomfortable because you can't seem to feel "settled" enough in environments. The "settling" almost always is and is something I always hear others reminding me of, "within oneself". And can be annoying at times having to constantly hear that; but it is what it is.

 

Yes, and when someone likes you or tells you you’ve done well, you tend to doubt it or question it, or feel it wasn’t really deserved. It only takes you to look at the many other undeserved ‘successes’ in life to make you question your own, because you know much of the world is an illusion.

 

I get a weird sort of emotional vertigo when I scan through a thread like this. It’s a bit like reading the letters my dad sent home to his folks when he was a young soldier in WW2. It’s complicated - it feels a bit like prying, in a way, looking back over the years.

Then I’m dragged off, name by name, wondering who they were and what happened to them, all the people who posted here. Then a lot of the more recent comments are similar to those of the early days of the thread, so it feels almost timeless at the same time as it is speeding into an ever more distant past. I wonder where we all will be in another 12 or 13 years.

For some reason all this fills me with a sort of deep nostalgia. And a sense of restless ghosts too. Do all these impressions suck? I don’t know - they aren’t completely pleasant but there is a kind of rich glow about them too. A wish and a prayer that all is well with everyone who has visited here - both the contributors over the years and those who have just been to read. Oh, I’m always aware of those folks - the ones who don’t ever say anything but are often here. The air shimmers with them.

So does it all suck to see and feel all this? You might as well ask if it sucks to see with our eyes. Would I rather not see in an INFJ way? Never! It’s all filled with the bittersweetness of mortality though and that makes me sad. Many things in life do that. I have had to learn over the years how to shut my eyes and not always look - it has not been easy to learn how to do that.

 

I totally get the nostalgia and bitterness feelings a lot these days. It’s good and bad rolled into one. In our youth we mostly have good but we miss the perspective of time which gives greater meaning to things. Only when we are cognisant? of loss do things take on a value which is almost infinite.

 

Such a good comment Jex

 

One thought I often have in relationships with people I’m close to — even those who rub me the wrong way (like certain in-laws, for example):

“Is there even a chance he/she could ever admire me as much as I admire him/her?”

 

Hi @ErikAlberto and welcome to the forum.

I find one of the hazards of our type is picking up vibes from others they don’t know they are giving off. It can be hard to work out sometimes whether it’s background emotional noise in them or whether it’s a definite judgement. Many other types don’t have this sort of awareness so don’t realise that we do. Mostly it isn’t a judgement on us at all, but just other people living with their own shadows. It can be hard for us to deal with it because demons

 

Yes, without typological understanding as an INFJ, I think a major confusion for us is we tend to naturally assume others pick up vibes like we do. So this inhibits us, and creates all kinds of convoluted overthinking.
I suspect most other types don’t appreciate us all that much, or if they do, it’s that of a false impression of us which they seem happy to leave unexplored.
While this subject allows great understanding of self and other types, ultimately we cannot know what it really feels like to be another type. It would be fascinating if we could but we can’t. Our lives are all uniquely different and we experience life and others in unique ways. Note while ‘unique’ has positive implications, the gaps between us I find are ultimately sources of deep, irresolvable sadness, especially for INFJs who seek deep connections. This is part of INFJ suffering, the lack of mutual understanding. I have become almost? viscerally and painfully aware of these gaps lately, along with gaps in understanding in all areas of life, which while providing opportunities to make improvements ultimately will probably exist indefinitely and be a perpetual source of frustrations. I’m sure it’s one reason for INFJ depression. But, if we were all the same, and there were no problems or challenges to address, would that be ideal?
Anyhows, enough philosophical discussion for now lol

 

Being in this horrible reality (Earth) when most other personality types are either indifferent or actually enjoy this enough to come back to do it all over again.

 

Yes we should exist in another dimension, guiding the rest lol

 

Yes I hope there’s a future where we have our brains in jars and we are nourished automatically and stimulated so that our minds are blissfully happy experiencing all kind of emotional and sensory highs. That’s the best hope for escaping earthly reality. The solar-powered robots can do this for us. You can see I’ve given this some thought lol

 

I suspect that in the future it will be possible to have artificial brain extensions that we have access to as though they were part of our biological minds. It’s only a simple extension to imagine your ‘I’ spending a lot of time in there and eventually migrating completely into it. A real virtual reality to make of what we will.