I don't think I can really run out of empathy, just a temporary emotional numbness and indifference, perhaps. Something like a apathetic idea from an outsider's perspective like "oh, yeah that's what they deserve", kind of thing. It's not about having no feelings, but more like cutting them out of the emotional perimeter. This pretty much happens after being repeatedly treated badly which resulting in doorslam.
Forced contact after I've run out of extroversion, if it goes on long enough drains me of any care about the things I say and do. When I run out of extroversion but I can't find a quiet place to recover, the empathy tap is dry as a bone.
It has only happened when I try again and again and I see the person in question actively being selfish and doing harm. Then, yes. I flip a switch. I don’t entirely lose empathy but I tell them how their actions are affecting others and refuse to be their unpaid counselor any longer until they make things right.
I think these people have fluid morals and that grates on our sensitivity.
I think these people have fluid morals and that grates on our sensitivity.
:circlegame:
I suppose it is correct in being a catch 22 that in this situation. I'm using empathy to empathize the individual's lack of empathy and then pleased at their frustration by using more empathy to understand their frustration.
When it comes to the switch, I do believe it's related to moral justification. They were a terrible person, they deserved it. But also there are the days you want to watch the whole world burn. Every part of it. I think that's also may be related to revenge on the evil in the world.
When it comes to the switch, I do believe it's related to moral justification. They were a terrible person, they deserved it. But also there are the days you want to watch the whole world burn. Every part of it. I think that's also may be related to revenge on the evil in the world.
Last edited:
... Every part of it? Innocent people? Children? How would one accomplish "revenge on the evil in the world" by harming innocents? And if evil incenses you so, why would you do the same? Wouldn't you then have to burn yourself too? And at the end, what's left, after you've burnt it all down... ? I can't see any morality, goodness, or justification for any such thing.
Also, what are you accomplishing by being a dick to a dick? Is that going to solve anything, teach them the error of their ways? Or are you just adding more dickishness into the world? I get being burnt out. I do. I just can't really grasp not being able to care.
My stance on people who are nasty: it's worth not mincing words in calling immoral attitudes immoral attitudes. However, I try to retain compassion in the sense of saying why did they turn out that way/can we be constructive at all?
I do believe though in basically saying if you act amorally, don't be a hypocrite and condemn others/you've renounced the moral POV. To such cases I'm more concerned with being fair than being tender. Fairness includes examining their circumstances. sometimes circumstances don't offer a way out, and there's nothing more to say than this-is-immoral.
It's a bit odd because I'm one of the least forgiving but put a lot of effort into understanding a person's circumstance so maybe I seem forgiving? I put more emphasis on understanding/accuracy of judgment than forgiving...I don't really understand the concept of forgiving much. It's not really my choice whether to forgive, it's usually quite clear whether it makes sense to.
In short, I don't think I ever really run out of caring...if anything I lack an ounce of practicality and my weakness is dealing up front with unreasonable situations. I'm more likely to analyze it and explain why it's unreasonable than to just do something.
Part of the reason for this is I feel a tolerance for unreasonable situations leads to people giving up on reasoned discussion when it could make progress. Usually it just takes someone saying the right combination of things, really internalizing where you're coming from and it'll click and one can safely shift views.
I do believe though in basically saying if you act amorally, don't be a hypocrite and condemn others/you've renounced the moral POV. To such cases I'm more concerned with being fair than being tender. Fairness includes examining their circumstances. sometimes circumstances don't offer a way out, and there's nothing more to say than this-is-immoral.
It's a bit odd because I'm one of the least forgiving but put a lot of effort into understanding a person's circumstance so maybe I seem forgiving? I put more emphasis on understanding/accuracy of judgment than forgiving...I don't really understand the concept of forgiving much. It's not really my choice whether to forgive, it's usually quite clear whether it makes sense to.
In short, I don't think I ever really run out of caring...if anything I lack an ounce of practicality and my weakness is dealing up front with unreasonable situations. I'm more likely to analyze it and explain why it's unreasonable than to just do something.
Part of the reason for this is I feel a tolerance for unreasonable situations leads to people giving up on reasoned discussion when it could make progress. Usually it just takes someone saying the right combination of things, really internalizing where you're coming from and it'll click and one can safely shift views.
Last edited:
I was empathising with a coworker. Long story short, the person I was empathising with has felt for a long time, very stressed by another co worker of ours. As I felt the way she felt about the other person. I went from truly appeciating the person. To wishing she would retire, becoming stressed just by the thought of her, became cold to her. It's been two years, and I'm now realizing where I went wrong. As I felt the way my coworker felt. I accepted her feelings and perspectives as feelings that I should have. I am turning my feelings around now.
We run out of empathy rarely. I find that as I have aged I have even more empathy. However, that being said, I do find that I establish boundaries much easier and when I continuously am overrun by someone who imposes on my empathetic nature I invariably get to a shutoff point much more readily. I just get sick of putting out emotion and taking on emotions of those that don't work on "bettering" themselves. I am not afraid to say what is on my mind and shut off the empathy machine. I can't say that I don't worry that shutting off the empathy could possibly injure the other's psyche, but I can live with that, and the worry about the other person lasts for only a few days. Life is extremely short and being a dart board for emotions hasn't been fun. You can either learn to shut down the incoming or feel like you are inundated. I choose freedom and boundary setting. Can I hear an AMEN.
Tertiary loop was the first thing that came to my mind when I started reading this thread. Yes, there is a point where one can close off the emotion and turn into a cold, robotic destroyer hell bent on enacting their chosen course of action. For myself, it makes the most sense to define that state as a Ni-Ti loop. The intuition is still there, but it bypasses the human element of Fe, and jumps straight into critical analysis. It is a cold, dark, cynical place to be. Yet it can be very difficult to break out of, because it makes 100% perfect sense to our logical side when we are in the middle of it.
It's sympathy we run out of.
Empathy requires projection. We share and understand what we think the feelings of others should be based on how we would feel. Fine, as long as the whole person is realistically factored in.
"Every bad boy has his soft side." No. It's hard to fathom, but no.
And this care and consideration should be reciprocated, as well. Tit-for-tat, no "wellll.....he/she's is [excuse] right now." Caring people are hard to come by, and they deserve to be appreciated and respected, not exploited.
Last edited:
Personally, I couldn’t run out of empathy no matter how hard I try to shut it off.
It’s just always going to be there, and I honestly don’t mind it. Of course, there is always a drawback to “feeling” too much or being too sensitive to certain situations. Either way, empathy is something I actually am proud to have, but yet sometimes I do wonder how it would feel to just shut it off and feel... nothing.
Anyways, there are instances when I do become downright cold and indifferent if someone has continuously disrespected me or didn’t value who I am as a person— but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel empathy or feel any strong feelings despite my stoicness, quite the opposite actually. I am good at concealing emotions.
I myself have done the “door slam” twice, and I didn’t enjoy it one bit; but it was necessary. I always felt tremendous guilt and wondered if it was the right thing to do, and I don’t like hurting other people’s feelings.
But hey, sometimes you gotta take care and not lose an aspect of yourself.
It’s just always going to be there, and I honestly don’t mind it. Of course, there is always a drawback to “feeling” too much or being too sensitive to certain situations. Either way, empathy is something I actually am proud to have, but yet sometimes I do wonder how it would feel to just shut it off and feel... nothing.
Anyways, there are instances when I do become downright cold and indifferent if someone has continuously disrespected me or didn’t value who I am as a person— but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel empathy or feel any strong feelings despite my stoicness, quite the opposite actually. I am good at concealing emotions.
I myself have done the “door slam” twice, and I didn’t enjoy it one bit; but it was necessary. I always felt tremendous guilt and wondered if it was the right thing to do, and I don’t like hurting other people’s feelings.
But hey, sometimes you gotta take care and not lose an aspect of yourself.
- Sep 28, 2008
- 41,216
- 246,531
- 4,281
- MBTI
- INFJ
- Enneagram
- 954 so/sx
Happy Phantom
Well-known member
- Sep 28, 2008
- 41,216
- 246,531
- 4,281
- MBTI
- INFJ
- Enneagram
- 954 so/sx
