Why are people so judgmental? | INFJ Forum

Why are people so judgmental?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by bickelz, Apr 26, 2011.

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  1. bickelz

    bickelz BOINK

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    Ok, so I just had this argument with a couple of friends and my conclusion is just that they're assholes. This might be hypocritical because I judge people more than I aught to. The thing is, I never say anything about it and I usually judge people on their overall personality. Even though I make initial judgements, I am usually open to new perceptions of people.

    Ok, so it's a dirty habit and I don't smoke but we got into a fight about cigarettes. I forget how they were brought up but whenever anything ranging from cigarettes to boat is brought up around my friend G when it's not his idea to bring them up as a joke, he shuts down. I can sense it. I feel how tense he can get. His face tightens, his voice changes and he starts speaking more logically. He puts on this mask with the idea that he's better than anyone who has even seen a cigarette butt on the side of the road. It pisses me off when people make these sorts of judgements against people.

    So, I mentioned that it pissed me off at dinner. I said, "I hate it when G shuts down when this topic comes up. I don't even want to f***ing talk about it". I said something else too but I forget what it was. So, G stated to compare smoking cigarettes to huffing spray paint so I was like "wtf? Why would you make that comparison? They're nothing alike. Smoking kills people eventually and doesn't even give everyone cancer yet huffing kills people in the first use. Not even the same league so you shouldn't compare those". So, my "logical" effing estp friend (not really friend, he pisses me off too much) who is always looking for a way to prove my logic a fallacy says "well they technically are kinda similar and you're supposed to compare things that are different". Then he brought up the time he tried to compare Hendrix with Slash and I told him off for it.

    Argggghhhhhh!

    Why are people so eager to prove their judgements logically? I am the one not making judgements against people yet, I'm the effing bad guy.

    For the record, what do you guys think about comparing Hendrix to Slash or nicotine to huffing. For one, comparing two guitarists is useless because it's really difficult to compare something so open ended as musical talent. Of course, there are exceptions to that though. Beethoven is better than J Biebz (sorry Biebz, love ya anyways). I also think it is silly to compare cigarettes to huffing. More dissimilar than similar.
     
  2. Divine Wannabee

    Divine Wannabee OneOneOne

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    no idea :)
    judgment from my perspective is a manifesting property of the ego.
    you can face up to your judgemental tendancies, if you really honestly desire to be free, from there restrictive implications

    i understand your impatients with those quick to judge, and its not nessesarily the fact that they/we judge at all
    but the un-scientific method of regarding judgments as objective truth , without proper consideration of fact.
    for instance, i have a tendancy to judge quite often."that guy looks agro"(simplification)
    but i have a firm understanding that my judgements are my judments, and not objective truth "but what do i know of him"
    "keeps the heart open" - this allows a person so be efficient in analysing gathered intelligence

    Remember people, the Ego is the Enemy
    The Ego is the false self,: "the greatest enemy you'll find dwells in the last place youll ever look"
    and where is this place you ask?
    ____________________________Behined Your pain___________
    "behined your pain, your greatest enemy hides from you,the Ego has desquised himself as you"
    "hiding behined your pain where you would normally never look"

    "But when you embrace the pain"
    you leave the Ego with nowhere to hide
    and you see that Ego is not who you really are
    and what ego will do to retain its title

    Truely who you are is who your heart tells you, you are

    : wonderfull truth isnt it?

    Love is in the Air:mhula::mhula::mhula:
     
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  3. donkeybals

    donkeybals A Permanent Fixture

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    You do know cigarette smoking is a lot like huffing and your friend definitely has a point. JK Just pulling your leg. :D

    Your friends sound like they didn't want to be challenged for whatever reason. It's not that you're not right. I personally agree, the two are different. I've been a smoker, an ex smoker, and a smoker, I hate it also how people bring up how smoking is bad. It pisses me off. It's not a secret it's bad. Everyone has their vices imo.
     
  4. dream echo

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    In the case of two guitarists being compared, the comparison is based on preference and is therefore subjective. Nobody is going to come out of that argument a winner.

    In the case of huffing vs. smoking, there is a similarity due to the inhalation, but huffing is more like abusing alcohol, which kills brain cells and causes stumbling and falling like a person who is drunk. Does your friend drink?

    I'm wondering if it's not so much your friend's comparison that is pissing you off so much as that of his seeming to judge everything, and wanting to argue unimportant rhetoric to cover up something else and this is just the latest bs from him? Idk.

    As far as your question about people wanting to prove their judgements logically...I think they identify with their ideas strongly enough to see a rejection of those thoughts as a rejection of themselves, but don't wish to be seen as emotional, so come up with a bit of "proof" or logic to back up their bias. Just a thought.
     
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  5. Chamomile

    Chamomile Community Member

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    Being open minded can be exhausting. Its easier to be an uptight asshole, really.
     
  6. Jill Hives

    Jill Hives fhtagn
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    Pretty much.
     
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  7. dream echo

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    I find being an uptight asshole to be exhausting.

    Actually it's easier to be apathetic. Saying, yeah whatever gives the appearance of open-mindedness, without being sooo much work. :)lol
     
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  8. SamE

    SamE Community Member

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    Because people stop trusting who they are.
     
  9. efromm

    efromm Truth... Is Painful....
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    People judge others because they themselves have been judged. And they think that it's okay because others are doing it to them. It's do unto others as they do unto you....
     
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  10. niffer

    niffer Well-known member

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    People do all sorts of crazy things. Some people rape. Some people judge people. Some people like to compare things that shouldn't be compared such as raping and judging people.
     
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  11. OP
    bickelz

    bickelz BOINK

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    That was my whole argument. You cannot compare Hendrix and Slash because, although they have some similarities, you cannot really compare something as subjective as music. Plus, one influenced the other. My arguments have centered around not being able to really compare them.

    Inhaling and being some sort of drug is are the only ways I see cigs and huffing to be comparable. No, G does not drink. He thinks he's better than anyone who drinks or smokes, even if it is only one time. Of course, he never says this but I can tell from how he has reacted every time the subject is brought up. I don't think there is alcoholism in his family either. Ironically, I have been open about my dad's addictions with them. That's the reason why I don't drink, because it could be genetic. Although, my dad would be the one that drives me to be an alcoholic (sarcasm).

    Well, most of my friends can't hold a serious conversation for crap unless it's on their terms so I'd say most of the stuff from them is bs. J is always trying to prove me wrong logically on an emotional or value based argument where I feel extremely unbiased. So, J usually agitates me whenever he opes his mouth, which is all the damn time.

    Interesting thought here. Maybe this is a "T" thing. I'm pretty intense and can get a bit fired up in these situations. I was still pissed a couple of hours later even though I hadn't seen/talked to them in that time. So, I don't think this applies to me. It's funny though if this is what is going on because I'm usually alone arguing against three people. I don't know why my other friends would try to logically prove G's argument for him when it's not entirely based on logic. It usually ends with them telling me I am not seeing "the big picture". Lolz, they don't even know what the fuck I was talking about they were so taken aback. It takes three to take on the infj brwaa hahahahah!
    :m149:
     
  12. bcdg24

    bcdg24 Newbie

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    Bickelz, it seems fairly obvious to me that your "friend" has mixed feelings about his friendship with you. Your passion agitates him, and in a way makes him feel out control, which is like a feeling of inferiority for a predominant T.
    I think he freezes up because you make him nervous when you take a side to an argument; his self-protective impulse is to save face by launching into a debate that reaffirms for himself and your audience of friends that he still is in control, cannot be moved, and is therefore superior/better. In other words, you confuse and threaten him so he defaults to his ET function to cope with his feelings. I think your friends seem to side with him because they are omega dogs in your "pack". They really dont have any control nor anything to contribute to your sparring other than diffusing the situation. Agreeing with your sparring buddy is safer for them because they believe you to be emotionally stronger and more adaptable than he; it wont ruin your friendship to side against you, but the opposite would be true, or at least a probability.
    If this guy really causes you that much anguish, then consider hanging out less. If you do not want to consider this for fear of jeoprdizing your mutual friendships, then remember this guy only acts the way he does out of self-preservation; you know his arguments are not objectively true and he is not intellectually better than you, so keep it in perspective and love yourself.
     
  13. Detective Conan

    Detective Conan Doesn't Cast Shadows

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    I can't comment on the whole eagerness thing you describe, but I can say that I think people try to back their judgements with logic for 2 main reasons, those being 1) logic is a stronger base for judgements than simple raw emotion and 2) logic tends to be more objective, assuming the logic used isn't a fallacy of some kind... in which case, the argument isn't a logical one anymore.

    Does this mean their argument is the best? Heck no. There are logical arguments that stand on either the pro or con side of the issue. Typically, the arguments are of similar magnitude, but someone should be able to prove why one argument is just that much better than another argument. If someone insists on making a judgement based on logic, you can feel free to counter with your own logical counterargument and, if done right, leave their original argument in the corner, nudered, without it's loved ones.... and wearing a ridiculous hat!
     
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  14. OP
    bickelz

    bickelz BOINK

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    Idk about him having mixed feelings about our relationship but I think the rest is spot on now that I think of it. The rest of the clan tries to diffuse the emotion very quickly. What makes me the most mad is when they actively try to diffuse me without an argument. They will purposefully agitate me to get an outburst and then try to diffuse me.

    Maybe it's just that I'm too opinionated for most people. I usually don't say much but when I do, it is usually about something with weight to it.

    Idk if I'm an alpha, beta or omega male though. I have a bit of an androgynous personality and am a bit soft-spoken. I don't know if you can have a bunch of Fe and be an alpha male though.
     
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