What is wrong with me?

[Kelly]

I always say that I wish I had a boyfriend or even someone interesting enough to crush on, but then again I know that if anything actually got a hint of serious I would run the other direction without thinking twice until it was too late to turn back. Why do I do this? And why do I lead people on that I don't actually like, just because people are pressuring me. Why do I cave like that and not realize my mistake until too late?!

 

[Scientia]

This was me in high school. I didn't lead people on but I definitely did the rest. I think you are just protecting yourself because you haven't found the right person.

 

[j654dgj7]

I always say that I wish I had a boyfriend or even someone interesting enough to crush on, but then again I know that if anything actually got a hint of serious I would run the other direction without thinking twice until it was too late to turn back. Why do I do this? And why do I lead people on that I don't actually like, just because people are pressuring me. Why do I cave like that and not realize my mistake until too late?!

now i'm not a girl, but i'm going to venture into guessing so bare with me. (is it bear with me or bare with me? "bear with me" sounds silly considering ... the bear ... nevermind)

the two bolded parts of your text doesn't seem like contradictions to me. is it that you don't want a significant other at all, or that you truly want to have a significant other but end up pushing them away? either way you sound like a perfectly normal 17 year old to me. insert smiley. i'm old.

... don't smoke.

I think you are just protecting yourself because you haven't found the right person.

Could very well be this.

 

[Erlian]

I always say that I wish I had a boyfriend or even someone interesting enough to crush on, but then again I know that if anything actually got a hint of serious I would run the other direction without thinking twice until it was too late to turn back. Why do I do this? And why do I lead people on that I don't actually like, just because people are pressuring me. Why do I cave like that and not realize my mistake until too late?!

You might recognise yourself in one of the attachment theory styles: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_in_adults#Styles
I'm guessing you have a bit of anxious-preoccupied and some fearful-avoidant.

Always remember when working with these kinds of things that they comes in scales. You don't fit one description perfectly.
It can also change within months depending on how you're feeling.
Myself I'm always shifting between anxious-preoccupied and secure, but mostly on the anxious-preoccupied side.

Maybe if you recognise yourself in one of the styles you can gain a better understanding of why you do what you do.

 

[Snow]

I dont' know why but some INFJ girls seem usually do this behavour. It makes me so scared.

 

[just me]

I think you are describing someone dealing with peer pressure. That goes with the territory. Truth is maybe you just aren't ready. Learn to say no. Lead, don't follow.

There are several people that helped shape my life I wish I had never met, never hung out with, and never spent time with. Too late!

Fast forward through life to about late thirties. Met a young lady that was pure. She was way younger than I. I loved her company. We never went on a date or anything. Spent many hours where she worked doing what I liked to do. I did give her a brief ride in my new car. Bought her some earrings to make the girls that made fun of her jealous, and to let them know this pure girl meant more to me just the way she was than all of them put together. I respected her way of living. Loved her, actually, but thought it would never work with my past and age difference between us. Her smile opened doors for me. Never knew she had fallen in love with me. Never meant to hurt her. She was like an angel to me, and I did not feel worthy of her. I did love being around her, though. Yet, I broke her heart one day and have regretted it since. I'll take that pain to the grave with me. Had I only known.

She was too smart to be like everyone else. She was elegantly beautiful, and I watched over her. I wish she had only told me.

Anyway, listen to your heart and your head. Don't listen to other people that try to justify their lives by making you like them. I think one day you will not run, and for a wonderful reason.

 

[apemon]

^^^

What he said. It is all too easy to get caught up in the world, other people's expectations, and what one "should" or "should not" do. Love yourself and others will love you. Just as you are.

 

[Eventhorizon]

It takes a lot of courage to be yourself. A huge amount.
So there is a choice on your end to be made. Be a follower of others or follow yourself.
I think you should follow your gut and become yourself which is not likely what other people will seemingly want from you.

 

[SpecialEdition]

I always say that I wish I had a boyfriend or even someone interesting enough to crush on, but then again I know that if anything actually got a hint of serious I would run the other direction without thinking twice until it was too late to turn back. Why do I do this? And why do I lead people on that I don't actually like, just because people are pressuring me. Why do I cave like that and not realize my mistake until too late?!

Because you don't know yourself well enough to do otherwise. You don't catch yourself forming a pattern until it's already in place.

Sounds like you're holding out for chemistry and making the assumption that if you find it and it gets serious that you'll bolt because you don't want to get tied into it. And that's because you don't trust yourself or your own feelings.

As for leading other people on, that's your own fault. You clearly don't respect them or yourself enough to admit you don't like them and you lead them on only to hurt and disappoint them because of peer pressure. Sorry, that's pathetic and you need to stop it and if you don't stop it, then you deserve to be alone anyway.

Grow some fucking balls and hold onto your integrity instead of hiding behind "poor me, what's wrong with me? Why do I do this?" You do it because you CHOOSE TO. That's it, that's all.

 

[Artisan]

I always say that I wish I had a boyfriend or even someone interesting enough to crush on, but then again I know that if anything actually got a hint of serious I would run the other direction without thinking twice until it was too late to turn back. Why do I do this? And why do I lead people on that I don't actually like, just because people are pressuring me. Why do I cave like that and not realize my mistake until too late?!

I think you are just protecting yourself because you haven't found the right person.

I think [MENTION=12050]TooShyToSay[/MENTION] is right on this.

I also believe [MENTION=7838]SpecialEdition[/MENTION] speaks the truth although its been phrased in a rather overwhelming manner ^^"

But hey what do I know I'm just a guy.

I wish I had a gf too, but that doesn't mean I should go with whomever is interested and/or others think I should go with.
If its really peer pressure that make you do things you don't want then clearly you hang out with the wrong crowd.
It's fine to doorslam your current crowd if they really cause you to do things you don't want to do. Because they're toxic for your psyche if they do this.
If you do not want to do it, then don't.

 

[sassafras]

First of all, there is nothing wrong with you. You weren’t born defective in this area. This is a pattern that you’ve learned and since you’ve learned it, you can change it. So, number one, let go of the idea that something is simply ‘wrong’ and embrace the fact this is behaviour that is entirely within your power now that you’ve noticed this about yourself.

Second of all, this isn’t some anomaly. Commitment issues of this type are very common. Often, they don’t come to the fore until later in life, so you’re ahead of the game if you’ve caught this at age seventeen.

Usually this is type of behaviour is the product of low self confidence in yourself or in the relationship arena. You know you want a relationship but some part of you doesn’t believe you can hold onto a good relationship even if you get one and on a subconscious level, you anticipate that it will all end in tears and you won’t be able to handle it. Of course, break ups do happen and people do get hurt in relationships, but just as often, relationships can and do work out beautifully. It’s a nothing ventured, nothing gained situation.

Apparently, you’re more risk and loss-averse than you are open to opportunity for success, so you shut down relationship opportunities before they have a chance to become losses. You only let yourself get pressured into situations because if you didn't get pressured, likely nothing would happen. The people who are pressuring you likely have the best intentions and want to see you succeed, but they are not you, so they don't know what *you* want. Stop being passive. Take control and have the courage to go after what *you* want instead of avoiding and allowing yourself to get strong-armed into situations that don't meet your standards.

You must embrace the fact that life is sometimes going to give you lemons and that even though you may get bruised and disappointed from time to time, that you and your heart are not in any kind of danger. People are way more resilient than they give themselves credit for. The truth is, we actually end up hurting ourselves more when we try to avoid getting hurt than simply accepting that pain is the other side of the coin for life’s joys.

Make peace with both the good and bad sides of getting into a relationship. Make peace with the fact that you are not as weak or fragile as you may think you are. Once you do, life will open up to you.

Bless.