What Is a Good Man?

[invisible]

Are you guys saying we should through out our good judgement, or is it only when you disagree with it?

I never intended to give any advice about what you should do in that respect... but if you want me to say something about that... I think I would say that it is not really necessary to make a judgment that someone is a "slut" to decide whether or not you want to interact with them further. If you're not into someone or what they have to offer, let them go peacefully on your way, go peacefully on yours... towards some other person who does happen to turn you on.

Ultimately you have to do what's right for you. If it serves you to judge someone as a "slut" then go ahead and do it. Maybe it does serve you, that's fine. I think it's pretty normal to go through judging someone a "slut", I find myself doing it sometimes, then I think to myself "No, that's not right." But that's just what I do. In what I wrote previously, I just attempted to point out some problems with it, and to tell why I think that it's not right to make judgments about someone being a "slut".

 

[5r6jhd]

I think I found a good man. I don't think its really man vs woman more person. The things I think are what make my boyfriend a good man are the same things I should be doing in return.

He is thoughtful.
He is generous.
He is kind.
He is considerate.
He is respectful.
He is loving.
He is willing and capable of putting my needs first.
He can compromise.
He can apologise when he is in the wrong.
He makes me a better person.

This is just the stuff thatcame off the top of my head. There is more.

 

[James]

I think I found a good man. I don't think its really man vs woman more person. The things I think are what make my boyfriend a good man are the same things I should be doing in return.

He is thoughtful.
He is generous.
He is kind.
He is considerate.
He is respectful.
He is loving.
He is willing and capable of putting my needs first.
He can compromise.
He can apologise when he is in the wrong.
He makes me a better person.

This is just the stuff thatcame off the top of my head. There is more.

Dear God. The pressure women put on men, lol. Glad to see you back Kat, hope all is well.

 

[5r6jhd]

Dear God. The pressure women put on men, lol. Glad to see you back Kat, hope all is well.

Thanks James!!! And I think, in my defence, the things listed are just common respect and decency in a loving relationship I don't think it is above and beyond.

 

[Elis]

In Sweden it's been said that a true gentleman is a man who knows how to play the accordion, but doesn't.

 

[James]

Thanks James!!! And I think, in my defence, the things listed are just common respect and decency in a loving relationship I don't think it is above and beyond.

I'm only joking you, lol. I thought it was good.

In Sweden it's been said that a true gentleman is a man who knows how to play the accordion, but doesn't.

Ha ha. Lol. That made my day Ellis.

 

[5r6jhd]

lol @James that should have been obvious...clearly i have no had enough coffee today!

 

[invisible]

Dear God. The pressure women put on men, lol.

Actually although you are kidding around this is part of what makes me hesitant about it, this is one of the things I was thinking when I mentioned limitations when I previously posted about the applications of developing a theory of what is a "good man".

One experience I had of "love", I thought to myself "He is such a good man", then I think (thought) the following sorts of things:

Kind, Caring, Considerate, Thoughtful, Perceptive, Intelligent, Polite, Sophisticated, Refined, Polished, Responsible, Strong, Literate, Generous

Absolutely sure I got love bombed, but that isn't the point. You can see my list here (which frighteningly, is not exhaustive) is a list of qualities, similar in that way to other lists of qualities that other members contributed. Deciding someone is a "good man" can go with a lot of expectations because it generalises their "goodness". There are a lot of good qualities perceived, and naturally, the perception of more good qualities follow...

But it's unfair to the person... they can never live up to their "goodness"... they are only human. Then we get all angry that they "disappoint" us, as though it's their fault...

(NOT intending to devalidate anyone's love or appreciation of their partner... your love and appreciation of your partner is awesome)

 

[James]

But it's unfair to the person... they can never live up to their "goodness"... they are only human. Then we get all angry that they

100% agree with that.

 

[5r6jhd]

Actually although you are kidding around this is part of what makes me hesitant about it, this is one of the things I was thinking when I mentioned limitations when I previously posted about the applications of developing a theory of what is a "good man".

One experience I had of "love", I thought to myself "He is such a good man", then I think (thought) the following sorts of things:

Kind, Caring, Considerate, Thoughtful, Perceptive, Intelligent, Polite, Sophisticated, Refined, Polished, Responsible, Strong, Literate, Generous

Absolutely sure I got love bombed, but that isn't the point. You can see my list here (which frighteningly, is not exhaustive) is a list of qualities, similar in that way to other lists of qualities that other members contributed. Deciding someone is a "good man" can go with a lot of expectations because it generalises their "goodness". There are a lot of good qualities perceived, and naturally, the perception of more good qualities follow...

But it's unfair to the person... they can never live up to their "goodness"... they are only human. Then we get all angry that they "disappoint" us, as though it's their fault...

(NOT intending to devalidate anyone's love or appreciation of their partner... your love and appreciation of your partner is awesome)

I disagree with you on this to a point.
Im comparing our two lis

Actually although you are kidding around this is part of what makes me hesitant about it, this is one of the things I was thinking when I mentioned limitations when I previously posted about the applications of developing a theory of what is a "good man".

One experience I had of "love", I thought to myself "He is such a good man", then I think (thought) the following sorts of things:

Kind, Caring, Considerate, Thoughtful, Perceptive, Intelligent, Polite, Sophisticated, Refined, Polished, Responsible, Strong, Literate, Generous

Absolutely sure I got love bombed, but that isn't the point. You can see my list here (which frighteningly, is not exhaustive) is a list of qualities, similar in that way to other lists of qualities that other members contributed. Deciding someone is a "good man" can go with a lot of expectations because it generalises their "goodness". There are a lot of good qualities perceived, and naturally, the perception of more good qualities follow...

But it's unfair to the person... they can never live up to their "goodness"... they are only human. Then we get all angry that they "disappoint" us, as though it's their fault...

(NOT intending to devalidate anyone's love or appreciation of their partner... your love and appreciation of your partner is awesome)

I don't quite agree with you.

One of the points I made i nmy post is that the list I made wasn't something a good man should be...it's what a good partner should be.

We had a lot of similar things on our lists. Some of these things are just important aspects of a relationship that people should strive towards. Some of the things are preferences in an individual and you cannot apply this to all men. It wouldn't be fair.

Of course, expecting someone to be this way 100% of the time is naive and idealistic, but I don't think its unfair to expect people to have these qualities in a relationship.

 

[James]

course, expecting someone to be this way 100% of the time is naive and idealistic, but I don't think its unfair to expect people to have these qualities in a relationship.

No one who has read your posts on the forum thinks of you as naive. Idealism aligned to practicalities, is not a bad thing. It's perhaps the best thing imho.

 

[The Ringmaster]

A good man takes care of and protects those closest to him in a manner that is truly to the full extent of his capability.

It takes many things to make a great man, but that is all it takes to be a good man.

 

[5r6jhd]

No one who has read your posts on the forum thinks of you as naive. Idealism aligned to practicalities, is not a bad thing. It's perhaps the best thing imho.

Oh sorry, to be clear I didn't see it as a personal attack nor did I feel I was being called naive. I was just discussing invisible points. I found them ineresting, I just didn't entirely agree because I feel like in serious, commited relationships we ought to hold each other to high standards. Not in a sense that we put someone on a pedestal and wait for them to fall, but if we're commiting ourselves to an individual we ought to be the best we can be for that person. Obviously this won't beall of time, but its the effort that counts.

 

[James]

Obviously this won't beall of time, but its the effort that counts.

Agreed. Still stuck on the accordion thing. Lol.

 

[Eventhorizon]

No I'm just fuckin around.



This.

I'd like to report the bad language in this post to an administrator

 

[5r6jhd]

I'd like to report the bad language in this post to an administrator

Well fuck me. Unacceptable *ban hammer*

 

[Eventhorizon]

Perhaps it's just because I'm a Snowflake, as a certain thread here has so kindly informed me, but I think everyone's experience of gender and gender identity should be considered valid. If someone adheres to what's considered "traditionally masculine" gender roles and that makes that person happy, good. If someone adheres to what's considered "traditionally feminine" gender roles and that makes that person happy, good. If someone happily does their own thing and adheres to nothing, good. If someone happily exists anywhere along the spectrum, good. The best person you can be is yourself, and no one should have the right to tell you to, or force you to, do otherwise. Thus, for me, a good person is someone who does not tell or force anyone to be something or someone they're not. A good person treats their fellow human beings with kindness and respect.

See something informative can happen when you least expect it. Had it not been for the Snowflake thread (assuming that's the one you are talking about) you may never have known.

 

[Eventhorizon]

Well fuck me. Unacceptable *ban hammer*

Oh...heres another one.

 

[Happy Phantom]

A similar thread was posted on an NT forum with less feelings based replies. That being said @Katniss Neverbeef, @Ren, @Pin (minus the ATM comment. Seriously dude, what did you mean by that?), @Free and @James have given great replies. Somehow this thread turned into a pile of shit, but hey that happens in group forum conversations, and sometimes you gotta deconstruct and rebuild to come to agreeable opinions. I think if some members would be more open minded we'd do much better.

When I asked, "What makes a good man" I was referring to exactly what I asked. Should others possess these qualities? Yes I believe they should, however I think that discussion might be better served in this thread, although I do not care if it's discussed in here as this is an open forum, blah blah blah. . .

Good ethics, morals and values are important to me. @Katniss Neverbeef touched upon these in one of her posts.
■ Ethics describes a generally accepted set of moral principles.
■ Morals describes the goodness or badness or right or wrong of actions.
■ Values describes individual or personal standards of what is valuable or important.

Probably one who recognizes his limitations and faults and constantly works to improve upon them.
Unfortunately understanding what those are is subjective.

Yes understanding what issues need to be addressed is subjective. Let's say you're dating a woman. How would you resolve a conflict? You can choose your own conflict.

 

[invisible]

Conclusions I came to so far on my own, about what it seems to me that a "good man" must always have in order to qualify to be a "good man", apart from variations in any 1 member's particular preferences:

Flaws
Masculine Gender Identity