what i am looking for in partnership | INFJ Forum

what i am looking for in partnership


Community Member
Mar 10, 2010
just trying to articulate this honestly to myself and to the universe:

i am ambivalent about partnership. wanting a relationship and scared of a relationship.

i am seeking someone who is emotionally available. someone i feel romantic toward and who adores me too. someone where there is a mutual little giddy feeling when we are around one another. and yet where sex doesn't need to be the center of things, or the only expression of that delight.

i am looking for someone who i could feel secure with. who wouldn't easily abandon their love for me.

i am seeking someone who is comfortable with solitude. mine and their own. someone who has a range of emotions and who tries to own them all responsibly, and negotiate them fairly.

i am seeking someone who ultimately has a gentleness and kind humor toward both of our faults and failings.

i would like to feel equal to this person. to hear one another's perspective with respect, even if there is disagreement. i would like to be one another's special clubhouse of two. occasionally one another's cheerleader and caring nag. one another's cherished lover. one another's partner in life and crime.
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Sounds like a great list. Do you think it's possible to have this?
I'd say it's possible to have all that.. The list sounds like a description for a mentally/emotionally stable and emotionally intelligent partner... plus chemistry.
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I agree with you bananaphone.
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Mmm...what a lovely lovely list. It not only shows what you desire but also who you are as a person.
I think I've been thinking this for many years so far, except it's a bit odd that I'm 20 and already thinking this. I guess a lot of people my age would call this "settling" but I hate that word. I think I just know already what to expect from "easy" relationships that leave you all nicely scraped up. I don't want to waste time, I want the real thing.

Currently, I'm feeling a lot of the beginnings of these things in my relationship. Except I think he's a bit behind in understanding what he wants and what will make him happy. Or may be he knows, but it hasn't been fully aknowledged and accepted. Also being an INTP, emotionally, I don't think he's stable/ mature enough to handle them with care. I'm being very patient here, being the emotionally more "stable" and "intelligent" one, but it's exhausting sometimes and feeds off of my own energies.

It's a strange thing knowing what you want at an early age, and just seemingly waiting for it to come. That's why I think i've had a tendency for ignoring relationships entirely as a teen. Especially the ability to see, embrace, love, and nurture each other is what I value the most I think. The relationship should be so important and sacred tht you have a certain comfort and freedom to grow as a person. Not only do you have the strength, will power, and personal determination to make your life flourish, but you also have someone to be your back-up power, hold you when you're week, and remind you of all of the things you hold dear. You get two times stronger and experience all kinds of love with them: friendship, romantic, sexual, familial, etc. I never want to take the person I love for granted, and never want the other to take me for granted.

It is sometimes scary waiting on the other person, not even sure "where they are" on the terms of things. May be sometimes waiting or encouraging them to keep in step with yourself. But it's faith and trust I think that let two people get to this level that you're talking about. It takes work and conscious love to finally get this. Now that I know, I want it. I'm hoping it will happen...I feel like if it does, it'll change my outlook on life forever.
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That's pretty much the same list of requirements I've got going for me.
The problem of where I live is that its plagued with male ISTP's, and the only INFJ's that I know of are middle aged British women. I seem to have a knack for finding them.
I'm in no rush to find a partner anytime soon, I've got other things to worry about, but its nice to hear from others that share the same ideals.
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i think this is a very good exercise, and people should do it more often. yeah, basically i came here to say good job, beetpoet. ask and you shall receive. thumbs up! I'm gonna stop now. =)