What does respect mean to you? | INFJ Forum

What does respect mean to you?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Satya, Jul 6, 2010.

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  1. Satya

    Satya C'est la vie
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    Do you think it is something people earn through their actions? Do you think it is something that people can demand from others?



    My thoughts are that respect isn't something you earn or demand. Respect is something that a respectable person gives simply for the sake of being respectful. I feel that demanding that people "earn" your respect by their actions is still demanding. If you are demanding that they be respectful, then you really aren't any better than them when they are outlandishly demanding respect from you. I believe that respect is something you should give a person so that you empower them to aspire to be worthy of that respect, not something that you withhold from someone because you feel more righteous or rational than them. It is my opinion that giving respect is about being respectable.

    What do you think?
     
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  2. slant

    slant amour-propre
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    Listening to someone while they talk and not interrupting. Setting up boundaries and being firm with them. Attempting to be empathetic while still not accepting bullshit. Pushing people for growth. And, not arguing with people, being accepting, interjecting in the gentlest manner possible--sometimes, though, the gentlest way possible is a firm roundhouse kick in the arse.
     
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  3. Reon

    Reon Midnight's Garden

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    Respect is something you should give to everyone. If a person chooses to act in a manner that is not respectful, then you distance yourself from that person. Slant covered pretty much all of what I think respect entails in itself.
     
  4. Trifoilum

    Trifoilum find wisdom, build hope.

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    Acknowledging one's proficiency with a minimum of one aspect of their personality, whether emotional, mental, physical, competence...etc. That which may result in a respect of that aspect, and later, the person as a whole.

    The aspects being respected may be different and it'll affect the respect given (I'll respect an ENTJ different than an INTJ, or an INFJ, for example.) but generally, it'll manifested in similar ways. (Slant basically said it. Hell, she said it better than I ever would)

    And respect is the same with sympathy, in my case.

    They're given, not asked. And definitely not demanded.
     
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    #4 Trifoilum, Jul 6, 2010
    Last edited: Jul 6, 2010
  5. Roger

    Roger ...

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    Above three posters covered up the whole topic.

    Respect is necessary and important. Need to understand this. Give respect and get respect. We all know and it sums up. It is better to give respect rather than setting up boundaries with people.
     
  6. Trifoilum

    Trifoilum find wisdom, build hope.

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    this is also a good post.

    Sometimes people (myself included) set boundaries with people instead of giving respect where it's due. Acting high and mighty when in fact....duh.
     
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  7. Flavus Aquila

    Flavus Aquila Finding My Place in the Sun
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    Respect seems tied up with the notion of dignity to me.

    From most basic to most advanced:
    1. Ontological: everything that exists is entitled to at least some regard/respect. At its minimum, this means trying to understand/comprehend things as they are encountered.

    2. Organisational: It seems that physical things are more dignified, the more complex they are: a killer whale is far more interesting/dignified/respectable than a sterile pool of mud. Spiritual/numinous/conceptual/intellectual things seem more dignified than physical things per se, but their dignity seems greater with greater simplicity: a unifying theory/principle is usually more profound than random concepts. Physical things seem less dignified because they are always particular, but conceptual/spiritual/numinous/etc things are more general and broad-reaching.

    3. Ability: the more capable a thing is of functioning, the more dignified/respectable it seems. For instance, a high-end computer is better regarded than a slow, poor performing PC. Similarly, a highly trained athelete is more respectable than a recreational amateur. Similarly, a highly intelligent person is in that respect more respectable intellectually.

    4. Actual performance/achievement:
    it seems that those who work harder/more are more respectable than those who do not. So that someone with an average IQ, who applies himself and earns a Masters Degree seems more respectable than a highly intelligent individual who is lazy and drops out of a bachelors degree.

    5. Morals: the ability to recognise/understand/etc. things, including one's own abilities, and apply oneself in a way that respects the dignity of different things and can give greater respect to things of a greater dignity. Someone who places the life of a plant ahead of a human has either a poor grasp of the dignity of things, or has rejected the order of things.

    5. Character:
    too difficult to describe, but it seems that motivation/motives, peformance/abilities and morals coalesce into a general quality about a person, which gives rise to a certain predictability. A "great" person will usually/reliably be great and an inconsistent person will usually be inconsistent. People seem more respected if they are reliably able to respect.
     
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  8. Shai Gar

    Shai Gar Guest

    [ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_DZ3_obMXwU"]YouTube- Aretha Franklin - Respect (1990)[/ame]
     
  9. athenian200

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    I don't think actual respect and behaving respectfully are the same thing.

    You should behave respectfully and politely towards everyone, no matter how they behave.

    However, a person would have to earn my actual respect through their actions. The difference for me is that just acting respectfully means I afford them anything society says I owe them as people or superiors... nothing more, nothing less. I'm just neutral.

    Having actual respect for them implies that I would trust their judgment, and think they're worthy of their position in life. It might also mean that I would ask their advice on a situation that they weren't directly involved in before acting, because their opinion counts for something to me. It would be tied up with admiring something about them, even if I don't admire them overall.

    Does that make sense? Basically, I could treat someone with respect, but really think on the inside that they're crude, incompetent, and tyrannical people with no redeeming qualities. To me, that means I don't really respect them, I just act as though I do.
     
    #9 athenian200, Jul 6, 2010
    Last edited: Jul 6, 2010
  10. Roger

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    This is not advice.

    I am saying this as your friend, your post did not bother me and i can understand it. May be you received less respect or may be you missed to see your friend's respect. happens. This is life. So you can also change this by time.

    Giving respect is also nice practice.

    Some thoughts are coming in my mind, Let me share with you all.

    1. When i respect my friends, it means i admire, appreciate and thank their company as my friend. Most imp. thing is their time. They are spending their life's time and spared some time with me.

    2. When i respect elder than me, it means they are experienced. I love them unconditionally. Thanking them because i want to learn more from them. They are reputed who are elder than me and are full of knowledge.

    3. When i respect younger than me, it means Thank you for awakening small kid within me.
     
  11. Roger

    Roger ...

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    True.

    If you want to see unicorn in your dreams, your heart needs to be cleaned and pure. Same way goes for respect. If you don't respect from heart then it is considered as mean respect.
     
  12. OP
    Satya

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    This is where we seem to differ in opinions so I think it is worth exploring. I feel it is important to respect a person, especially when they are acting in a way that is not worthy of respect, for the sake of giving them something to aspire towards. You seem to think that it is best to be indifferent towards those who act in a way that is not deserving of respect. To me, your option could be quite dangerous if taken to the extreme. Take for example the Germans during Nazi Germany, Due to the propaganda of the time, many of them held mixed feelings towards Jews because they perceived the Jews as behaving in a way not deserving of their respect. In time, most Germans became indifferent towards Jews as they were hauled onto railroad cars and lead to their deaths. It was indifference that allowed the Holocaust to happen.

    That is why I think it is essential that no matter how you personally feel about a person, you have to respect them. You don't have to admire them, hold them in high regard, or even trust them, but you should always listen, empathize, seek to understand, and empower them to do better. That is fundamentally what respect is and it holds no expectations for who they are as a person. It allows them the same basic degree of respect that any human being would expect for themselves. The greatest atrocities of human history have been the result of dehumanizing people to the extent that no one wanted to extend that basic degree of respect.
     
    #12 Satya, Jul 6, 2010
    Last edited: Jul 6, 2010
  13. Gaze

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    Agree.
     
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  14. deadred

    deadred Community Member

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    For me, respect is others not making snap judgements about me, and vice versa. It is not seeing others as inferior by definition because they look a certain way, or talk or think a certain way when there is insufficient reason to draw any kind of conclusion in the first place. It's a simple matter of treating others as you would expect to be treated, IMO.
     
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  15. athenian200

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    Perhaps you're right.

    But I'm just not a big enough person to have genuine respect for people who I don't feel are worthy of respect. The problem is that for me, respect is tied up with my emotions to such an extent that I can't genuinely respect anyone I don't admire to some degree.

    I can't offer a respect that's genuine and impersonal at the same time just because it's the right thing to do. It can only be fake and impersonal, or genuine and personal.

    In other words, what you say is probably the right thing to do. But if I've searched my soul and found that I'm incapable of it, what does that mean?

    I can admit this may be a failing and limitation on my part, but I'm sure there are other people who have the same limitations.
     
    #15 athenian200, Jul 6, 2010
    Last edited: Jul 6, 2010
  16. OP
    Satya

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    It isn't easy to do, but many of the greatest men in history like Martin Luther King and Jesus Christ have been able to put aside their anger, to take the higher spiritual ground, and respect people who act in ways so very undeserving of respect. That is a large degree of what made them great. Their ability to master themselves in the face of their own overwhelming emotions and to stay true to their principles. That is the kind of discipline that it takes a lifetime of hardships and forgiveness to cultivate.
     
  17. Jonathan

    Jonathan Community Member

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    I think that everyone deserves respect, no matter how disrespectful they are. My view is that the only way I can expect anyone to not judge me and disrespect me is if I return the favor. Respect is not getting revenge, being rude, or having standards for others that decide whether or not they deserve to be respected.
    I also think that people should be given a chance. I don't think we should tell people they're wrong until you understand and have empathy for their point of view, no matter how much you disagree. Then, if you still disagree, you can still disagree, or even argue, as long as you're not on a high horse. If someone is attacking you, I think to have respect is to turn the other cheek. Basically, it's having humility, and not putting yourself above someone else.
     
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  18. Odyne

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    I believe that respect should be given to others by default, until it's met with disrespect. Then it has to be earned.

    You cannot demand respect from others, but I think you have the right to expect it if you believe that you deserve it.

    Deserving respect would also entail that you are respectful towards others.

    So in essence, respect is something that goes around from one person to another. It should not be given by one person, nor given to only one person.

    It's a collective trait as much as it is an individual trait.
     
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  19. athenian200

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    Indeed. I suppose if everyone were capable of doing what they did, they wouldn't be considered great. I wonder if sometimes the subtext of calling someone good and noble is thus:

    Concious: "Wow, what they did was so pure and noble. This is how people should be."

    Unconscious: "I'd never be able to do that myself, I feel too much disdain in my heart. That's why I feel so much respect for them, they're the sort of person I wish I were but truly are not."
     
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