Let me give like a fuller more detailed update. So I suppose I have been on lexapro about a month now. I have noticed DRAMATIC (positive) changes. First of all my depression and anxiety is virtually completely gone. I have gained energy. Like the sort of energy I had when I lost 40 lbs and was on a low carb diet and stuff- but back then, I still had anxiety so it was like this 'nervous' energy. It's no longer 'nervous'. I have been going on long walks with this new energy and got a gym membership. Haven't gone to the gym yet because I am working up, I walk about 4 miles a day, 2 miles a day when my muscles are achey. Joined my fitness pal and have been tracking my calories and using this great app if none of you have heard of it called mapmywalk which literally uses gps to track your pace, distance and calories burned based on your weight and pace. It has effected my appetite, too. At first I wasn't hungry at all, but now I've regained my hunger but just... a smaller amount? It feels like I have a better sense of when i get full and how much food i REALLY need to function.
also i am just better able to deal with stressful situations. like i used to not call people on the phone because of social anxiety like especially businesses but now i am able to do it. i used to not ask questions out of fear of looking stupid but now i ask the questions. like i gave my cat his insulin shot and regularly i would be too afraid of doing it wrong, but i just did it and learned how to do it and felt more confident about it. also i have been socializing more, going out and meeting friends, whereas before i would again feel nervous/scared of doing that. hell im not even afraid of spiders anymore xD
what else what else...i think my codependent relationship with my sister has started to cease and i dont even feel bad about it 'ending' in terms of her deleting me from facebook and not wanting to talk to me. basically i realized she was trying to manipulate me and it's easier now for me to put up boundaries and be confident that i'm doing the right thing, not second-guess myself, and not feel 'bad' about it like i normally would.
OH and update on my dad's wife thing: she has been sober for a while now, they made plans both of them to spend more time with their kids which to me indicated a move in the right direction. then last week she added me on facebook and i accepted the request. i have been telling my dad it's okay to bring her around me and that i'll see her. i helped her yesterday apply to jobs online. i can tell she is not on drugs and she did apologize for her behavior and she is totally different, so i am glad that is working out. my sister still refuses to talk to her or give her a chance- which is funny, because she kept telling my mom it was me who had the problem with my dad's wife, not her. i guess that theory has been disproven!
also ive been on okcupid and have been going on dates and there's this person on okcupid who i really think is awesome and they think im awesome and that is so exciting for me. like it is a very equal relationship- i am afraid to drive during traffic hour and the person was like "just drive to my house and i'll drive us there" and thats so sweet and understanding and no one has ever troubleshooted like that for me without me asking them too? they're and intp and really nice.
oh and my math class- i am failing it and have not logged in for like 2+ weeks, but i dont care?? lol. i just decided to drop it for now. i will be working in the summer to save up money for dorms, then im going to transfer to a 4 year college and complete the math class there and get it transferred back so i can secure my associates degree so yeah im just not worrying about that right now. thank you all for your support. my mom and dad really were against me taking the meds but i decided to give them a chance and i cant believe how dramatically my life has changed with literally ONE MONTH of lexapro like wow it is an amazing difference i can't even explain it.
i used to be super sensitive to noises and get weird feelings if things were too loud or light was too bright or something but that has ALL gone away now, thank god!
also it corrected my insomnia, i can sleep now, i feel tired early at like 8pm and wake up at 6am. so yay!
THERE ARE side effects.
for example, inability to orgasm (i was afraid of this at first but then i decided not a big deal if im happy id rather not be able to orgasm lol), sort of a lack of concentration like i can't focus on 'serious' things for too long i get bored. the things is used to do like writing and being on the computer all day are totally unappealing and i barely do either of them. but i figure that is a good thing? i am also less patient with people rambling for hours if i'm not interested and will often just excuse myself and do my own thing. when i first was taking it my limbs would twitch a lot but that is gone now, too.
so overall i dont think thats too much side effects in comparison to what good it is doing for me? i'm wondering if this is how it feels for normal people, if normal people are like....happy? because i am for sure happy. and its weird because i dont think ive ever truly felt this way and god is it a difference!!!
