What are your boundaries? | INFJ Forum

What are your boundaries?

Discussion in 'The INFJ Typology' started by Altruistic Muse, Mar 21, 2010.

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  1. Altruistic Muse

    Altruistic Muse Community Member

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    Is there any barrier you put up that you just cannot tolerate being overstepped? Do you lose patience with people if they do one certain thing, or demand too much of you? I personally have just had a bit of a row with a friend who has done just that. He is a bit of an insecure person, but I see lots of good qualities in him and I really like being friends with him. Maybe I try to help him too much, or try to inspire him to enjoy his life more, to make more of his talents etc. But through my efforts I seem to have made him a bit clingy! As in, if I mention I am going to do something, he will generally say can I come, and he invites me to anything he is going to, whether it be with people I know or completely separate friendship groups. I cannot deal with neediness, and I need my own space! There is no one person that I would be happy seeing all the time! So yesterday it came to a bit of a head, when he was trying to pressure me into going out with him. I know he thought he was being nice, but I had been out with him last weekend, and had seen him all week at work! So I kind of told him, I need my own space, if we see eachother all the time the novelty will wear off, and when am I meant to see my other friends? Not good, a bit concerned I've rocked the boat unneccessarily. Does anyone else here have similar need for this kind of space, and struggle with clingy people? I'm wondering whether I have reacted in an unreasonable way....
     
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  2. TinyBubbles

    TinyBubbles anarchist

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    Oh I feel for you! I can't stand needy people either, it's insufferable. I admire that you've told your friend directly instead of, say, passive aggressively just avoiding him, which some people would've done. I don't think you were out of line at all, it's very reasonable to want people to give you your space. If people don't leave me alone for some time, no matter how much I may like/love them, I'll go crazy! It is extremely draining. I actually have burst into tears after being around people for long periods of time without a break, it gets very tiring :(
     
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  3. laurie

    laurie Snowblind in Dreamland

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    I had a friend like that (although no longer after he hurt my sister) and I couldn't stand him.
    It wasn't just the need to go out with us every weekend, it ws the constant need for attention. He actually got angry if you tried to talk to anyone else, and was then very passive aggressive. He was incredibly spoilt so at least I know that was the main problem, but he was insecure and treated people like toys he could take out or put away as he chose.
    He wasn't a real friend, but was just using my group of friends as a way to entertain himself...
     
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  4. Shai Gar

    Shai Gar Guest

    I need to talk to people... My boundary is when people constantly force me to make the first step. Or when people try to cut me off when I am talking.

    When I am shunted to the background, without even being told why with a reasonable ... Reason. I don't mind being ignored, for a good reason, but I need that reason. If I am not wanted, I don't want them.
     
  5. Rakawi

    Rakawi Community Member

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    Our boundaries are either deliberately fluid, to our own credit, or mistakenly fluid to our own detriment.
     
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