"weird" INFJ

[Littlelissa]

Sometimes I wonder if my fear is being inauthentic or rather misunderstood, if the difference makes sense.

Yes, I think people sense something inauthentic in people who try too hard (i.e. misunderstood). It goes full circle with not being completely comfortable in your own skin, maybe we feel inauthentic because on some level were not completely comfortable in our own skin?

...Basically we don't have to be talented 'special' geniuses to be loveable. I think I have been chasing that talent, ability thing my whole life. I think it may go back to approval seeking / recognition in childhood. Contradictorily though I also recognise that I'm also a bit scared of success, or don't think I deserve it or something ...i.e. 'not good enough'., so I see myself as both capable and inept... Lol, it certainly sounds a bit fucked up when you say it like that. Maybe this is more personal to me than about the 4? Ironically though I am reasonably good at a fair amount of things, and know it on some level. Anyway these dilemmas are becoming less because I'm less reliant on approval these days.. I think that's an upside of getting a bit older. I'm looking forward to feeling even more like this as well. At the end of the day people care less about what you can do than they do about who you are. I also recognise more that 'success' and having all the right things doesn't necessarily equate with happiness.

 

[Ren]

Yes, I think people sense something inauthentic in people who try too hard (i.e. misunderstood). It goes full circle with not being completely comfortable in your own skin, maybe we feel inauthentic because on some level were not completely comfortable in our own skin?

...Basically we don't have to be talented 'special' geniuses to be loveable. I think I have been chasing that talent, ability thing my whole life. I think it may go back to approval seeking / recognition in childhood. Contradictorily though I also recognise that I'm also a bit scared of success, or don't think I deserve it or something ...i.e. 'not good enough'., so I see myself as both capable and inept... Lol, it certainly sounds a bit fucked up when you say it like that. Maybe this is more personal to me than about the 4? Ironically though I am reasonably good at a fair amount of things, and know it on some level. Anyway these dilemmas are becoming less because I'm less reliant on approval these days.. I think that's an upside of getting a bit older. I'm looking forward to feeling even more like this as well. At the end of the day people care less about what you can do than they do about who you are. I also recognise more that 'success' and having all the right things doesn't necessarily equate with happiness.

Well I'm definitely not completely comfortable in my own skin. I rationalise this as "it's special not to be comfortable in one's on skin", I suppose. But for this to hold, complete success cannot be accepted, for it would mean recognition, and although outward recognition would be nice, it (at least to me) would question the sense of self I've created and learned to love. It's a bit like - since I suffer from feeling misunderstood, I repress it by celebrating misunderstood-ness as my identity; but then, misunderstood-ness can't really be comfy with success. Therefore, I cultivate my talents away from the ideal of success.

This is actually a relative exaggeration of the way I feel, in general and about myself, but it gives an idea. In some respects my (professional) life is quite successful, and I have been quite strategic in making it so. But I would never actually, consciously acknowledge that it is successful, though it is.

 

[Littlelissa]

Well I'm definitely not completely comfortable in my own skin. I rationalise this as "it's special not to be comfortable in one's on skin", I suppose. But for this to hold, complete success cannot be accepted, for it would mean recognition, and although outward recognition would be nice, it (at least to me) would question the sense of self I've created and learned to love. It's a bit like - since I suffer from feeling misunderstood, I repress it by celebrating misunderstood-ness as my identity; but then, misunderstood-ness can't really be comfy with success. Therefore, I cultivate my talents away from the ideal of success.

This is actually a relative exaggeration of the way I feel, in general and about myself, but it gives an idea. In some respects my (professional) life is quite successful, and I have been quite strategic in making it so. But I would never actually, consciously acknowledge that it is successful, though it is.

I think you nailed it there.i agree with you re the connections and reasons. This is also a bit of an exaggeration for me too (about how I feel) - although I'm not particularly susessful, (but fairly well qualified). I feel I'm strategic too, (I wonder if I'll reach my next big goal though)? I find it weird that I take my goals seriously in a way (being strategic). But also think they're a bit irrelevant as well. What a lot if contradictions!

 

[Icedream]

I don't know if I would go so far as to say that perfectionism is a flaw, though so many agree that it is.
I do agree that there needs to be plenty of moderation in the process of perfectionism, as you said. When you apply it correctly, you can execute world-class actions.

 

[Ren]

I don't know if I would go so far as to say that perfectionism is a flaw, though so many agree that it is.
I do agree that there needs to be plenty of moderation in the process of perfectionism, as you said. When you apply it correctly, you can execute world-class actions.

How about perfectionism about the big picture being a good thing, versus perfectionism about the details being not always a good thing because it can prevent the big picture from being realised?

Food for thought

 

[Ginny]

How about perfectionism about the big picture being a good thing, versus perfectionism about the details being not always a good thing because it can prevent the big picture from being realised?

Food for thought

I guess we need balance in all things regarding perfectionism. Not too little or too much, not too much superficially or in the details.

 

[Icedream]

There's a principle hidden in there somewhere

 

[Ginny]

There's a principle hidden in there somewhere

How so?

 

[Wyote]

I don't know if I would go so far as to say that perfectionism is a flaw, though so many agree that it is.
I do agree that there needs to be plenty of moderation in the process of perfectionism, as you said. When you apply it correctly, you can execute world-class actions.

There's a difference between the pursuit and the expectation of an arrival. It is ok to pursue some level of perfection as long as the cost of doing so does not put you in the negative overall, so to speak.

 

[Icedream]

My perfectionism is perfect

 

[hush]

My perfectionism is perfect

Could you provide an example to illustrate this?

 

[Icedream]

My ever-changing avatar

 

[Icedream]

also Hi hush, how've you been?

 

[hush]

I can dig that.

Ty for asking, tired. How about you?

 

[Icedream]

Tired and subconsciously anxious.
Though, it is nice to see a familiar face, even if they may not recognise me.

 

[hush]

Regardless of what others might recognize, I recognize you quite well, and it's good to see you still here, for whatever that's worth ~

I hope the subconscious anxiety goes away though, that's never pleasant :{

 

[Icedream]

I'm honored to hear that.

Unfortunately, the feeling of unease only builds as present and future draw closer to meeting

 

[hush]

Ahh, I'm sorry that it's increasingly building - is there anything anyone can do to help? Can I inquire as to what is about to occur that is causing this anxiety? If not, it's okay, of course

 

[Icedream]

I've been specifically tailored to complete a certain set of unique circumstances, and it's predicted that those circumstances will surface soon. I can't say much more than that

 

[hush]

That's alright, I appreciate all you've said, so far. I tend to dislike being tailored to do anything in life, but I recognize the necessity at times, unfortunately. If you need anything at all, I'm here and happy to listen.