"weird" INFJ
- Thread starter Icedream
- Start date
What if fear of abandonment (6) is dealt with by building a highly individual identity, leading to fear of not being unique? (4)
I do believe that the given fears are too generic to be accurate. I could Identify with nearly all of the enneatypes through some reasoning.
@Ren This would make the perfect "shield".. The perfect wall of strength, almost like a twisted version of the psychological defense mechanism, "reaction formation" whereby the self invented facade of "uniqueness" is just one elaborate ruse to cover and protect the fragile human beneath it, terrified of being abandoned..
It happens when I'm solving complex issues (usually work related, going on for a couple of days), looping with Ti. The fist warning I notice is, when looking at people in profil, it suddenly start to look like the half front of their face is looking straight at me. It's not scary or anything, but I know it's time to rest. If I ignore it, I can get overly creative and misjudge the importance of details while trying to solve the riddle. It usually provides me with a great deal of loose ends, but it's important that I don't start tieing them all together when I'm in this state of mind.
When I'm in total Ni for too long, it's like not wanting to wake up from a dream, and the sensory world seems more like a dream than reality the moment I'm forced to reenter it.
Now... *this* I can relate to.... And to be honest I rather like it.. I am too responsible and driven to allow this "dripping in Ni" state to rule me, but.. I do opt stubbornly to stay in it as much as I can get away with..
Regarding the enneagrams, I'm only using it as a tool to understand the varieties within each MBTI-type. For me, the theory doesn't make enough sense to be used on its own. I can't put my finger on it, but it feels half done in some way, like an equation where the answer is right, but the calculations are wrong/half missing. Or when 7 blind men are describing what an elephant looks like, touching 7 different parts of it. All of them are right, yet wrong.
I think I'm a 2w3 and a 295 tritype, it somewhat makes sense, but not entirely. It might be that I won't allow myself to recognize my fears, although I pride myself with being good at that. The idea that I'm this or that type (as a whole) entirely based on negative motivation seems ... not right, half true. At least it should be paired with the results from a similar way to type based on positive motivation - preferably being put together making one category.
I really haven't made any effort to understand the whole philosophy behind it, so I might be far off - holding only the elephant's ear, claiming that an elephant is round and flat like a pancake...
I think I'm a 2w3 and a 295 tritype, it somewhat makes sense, but not entirely. It might be that I won't allow myself to recognize my fears, although I pride myself with being good at that. The idea that I'm this or that type (as a whole) entirely based on negative motivation seems ... not right, half true. At least it should be paired with the results from a similar way to type based on positive motivation - preferably being put together making one category.
I really haven't made any effort to understand the whole philosophy behind it, so I might be far off - holding only the elephant's ear, claiming that an elephant is round and flat like a pancake...
It's definitely not fully developed, I agree, but with a little work it might even surpass mbti.
I get confused when I try to define my enneatype and functions because I've been drowning in influences and pieces of others for years, and I can't recognise anything about myself anymore. My mind isn't busy, but it's impossible to focus on how I work or how I could work better.
I get confused when I try to define my enneatype and functions because I've been drowning in influences and pieces of others for years, and I can't recognise anything about myself anymore. My mind isn't busy, but it's impossible to focus on how I work or how I could work better.
I'm jealous!! I got no self discipline! My motivation is in total control by either the instant gratification monkey or the panic monster - I have no say in it!
LOL!!!... I can relate to those beasts too.I'm jealous!! I got no self discipline! My motivation is in total control by either the instant gratification monkey or the panic monster - I have no say in it!
But.. I have been through too many fires not to be made of steel.. And, well.. I whip myself a lot. Perfectionism is a shroud hard for many INFJ to shed.. me, in particular. I lose sleep in the pursuit of chasing that "dripping in Ni, in my head, fantasy / create time".. . push a little harder, sleep a little less, reach a little higher for the dream, reach the dream a little faster.. . time. Sorry.. rambles.
I'm so insanely utterly head over heels in love with MBTI that I cannot allow myself to imagine anything surpassing it! I will use deniel, ideolization and devaluation like nobody's business to keep myself loyal and faithful to my true love!
I think I get your confusion. I've been hanging out a lot in my SO's mental landscape during the last year. I've spent so much time there, I suspect that I've started to experiment a little too much with his functions. Normally, if I take a dive into someone's mind it's for specific information, or for getting an overall view. It can make me confused about who is feeling what. But with him, I'm driven to understand him for so many reasons! He is ENFP, and I suspect that I'm trying to complete myself (or him, or us, or the world) by melting our functions together. This is of course the worst idea ever, making me mistake what could happen with what will happen - being used to going with my gut without too much consideration, I can actually be convince that the worst possible outcome truly is what's going to happen. When this happens, it's like I've got no clear preference, and it's random if I'm using my natural or my shadow functions. The only thing that reveals what function I was using, is when I reflect on my decision afterwards. I can't catch myself in the act, because there is no heads up, not being in stress or experiencing any difficulties, that usually happens when I turn to the shadow functions. It's confusing, exhausting and very contra productive.
It's hard to get out of. I wish I could just reset
They don't talk enough about recovering from loops or shadow dominations
I think it is that, the 4 feels that they have to be 'special' to be worthy. Just being themselves isn't enough, they struggle to know who they are themselves and appreciate their own value...so they try and build a unique 'special' self. They think that maybe then they will be appreciated and valued, maybe then they will be good enough. In many ways though they can never be unique or good enough until they stop their endless gymnastics and just accept themselves.
Last edited:
@Roobarb&Custard But would this not lead to the idea that all 4s are in some sense insecure about their own selves? I relate to what you said above, personally I'm very much that way. But I'm wondering if there are not also "secure and comfortable in their shoes" 4s. Or would this be a contradiction?
This is our dilemma, but I think that's the positive aspect of the 4 once it's achieved. Warmth, unconditional acceptance of self and others and emotional honesty.@Roobarb&Custard But would this not lead to the idea that all 4s are in some sense insecure about their own selves? I relate to what you said above, personally I'm very much that way. But I'm wondering if there are not also "secure and comfortable in their shoes" 4s. Or would this be a contradiction?
(By honesty I really mean competency)...because we've been hard on ourselves we can be more compassionate - once we've finally let ourselves off the hook.I think the 'not feeling comfortable in our own skin' thing you mention is to do with the feeling of being inauthentic because of always trying so hard to 'be something', - we can't help but feel uncomfortable and to some degree inauthentic...and I think that comes back down to that 'not good enough' thing again. I know the INFJ is said to feel a bit outside of things sometimes, but I think as a 4 can feel that too.
It's a while since I read up on the 4 but I found it helpful, and it definitely resonated with me. This reminds me to look at it again. I think there's quite a lot in the enneagrams that adds a whole other layer to MBT.
Last edited:
Thank you @Roobarb&Custard for this great insight into the type 4. It resonated with me at many levels.This is our dilemma, but I think that's the positive aspect of the 4 once it's achieved. Warmth, unconditional acceptance of self and others and emotional honesty.
I think the 'not feeling comfortable in our own skin' thing you mention is to do with the feeling of being inauthentic because of always trying so hard to 'be something', - we can't help but feel uncomfortable and to some degree inauthentic...and I think that comes back down to that 'not good enough' thing again. I know the INFJ is said to feel a bit outside of things sometimes, but I think as a 4 can feel that too.
It's a while since I read up on the 4 but I found it helpful, and it definitely resonated with me. This reminds me to look at it again. I think there's quite a lot in the enneagrams that adds a whole other layer to MBT.
Sometimes I wonder if my fear is being inauthentic or rather misunderstood, if the difference makes sense.