Wants vs. Needs . . . | INFJ Forum

Wants vs. Needs . . .

Gaze

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Sep 5, 2009
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We all have wants and needs when it comes to relationships. But it is very easy to confuse the two.

So, what do you want from a partner in a relationship vs. what would you truly need in order to make it work realistically and effectively?

Edit: Needs involve the recognition of important and valuable qualities or characteristics which may not be the most romantic.
 
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Need:

1/ Blunt Honesty (yes, as much as it might hurt)
2/ Trust (for him to trust me)
3/ Loyalty (for me to trust him)
4/ Humor (I don't like the ones who are always serious)
5/ Serious (I don't like the ones who are always laughing)
6/ Not overly taller than I am (without that, there's no physical attraction, sorry)
7/ Smart/Intelligent/Wise...has a deeper understanding of the world in a way or another, shallowness is a major turn off.
8/ to understand me or at least try to
9/ to be enduring (I can be difficult and confusing sometimes)


Want:

1/To desire me...and be blunt about it.
2/Not be overly romantic or sappy
3/To come back to me when things go wrong or when life's rough.
4/Manliness...but not afraid to be sensitive about things
5/To give me attention when i need it but without me showing that i need it or asking for it desperately (that's the tricky part...but if he can do it, I am his)
6/ To travel with me.
7/ To cook, like cooking, or like food
8/ Not to be lazy or dirty or terribly messy or smelly
9/ (Optional but strongly recommended ) Not a drinker, or a smoker, or a pothead.

...that's all i can think of for now. oh, and I don't care about him remembering my birthday or anniversary or any of that nonsense, it's not a big deal.
 
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Need:

1/ Blunt Honesty (yes, as much as it might hurt)
2/ Trust (for him to trust me)
3/ Loyalty (for me to trust him)
4/ Humor (I don't like the ones who are always serious)
5/ Serious (I don't like the ones who are always laughing)
6/ Not overly taller than I am (without that, there's no physical attraction, sorry)
7/ Smart/Intelligent/Wise...has a deeper understanding of the world in a way or another, shallowness is a major turn off.
8/ to understand me or at least try to
9/ to be enduring (I can be difficult and confusing sometimes)


Want:

1/To desire me...and be blunt about it.
2/Not be overly romantic or sappy
3/To come back to me when things go wrong or when life's rough.
4/Manliness...but not afraid to be sensitive about things
5/To give me attention when i need it but without me showing that i need it or asking for it desperately (that's the tricky part...but if he can do it, I am his)
6/ To travel with me.
7/ To cook, like cooking, or like food
8/ Not to be lazy or dirty or terribly messy or smelly
9/ (Optional but strongly recommended ) Not a drinker, or a smoker, or a pothead.

...that's all i can think of for now. oh, and I don't care about him remembering my birthday or anniversary or any of that nonsense, it's not a big deal.

Love your list.
 
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Need:
Faithfulness
Understanding
Patience
Humor
Intelligence
CLEAN- no drugs/drinking/smoking
Has own outside interests/friends but also willing to take part in mine
Non-critical personality

Want:
Blue or green eyes
Six feet or taller
Educated
 
A need is food and water.

Everything else is a want- including partnership.
 
Wants vs. needs

Well, my life is like in two parts, before and after I was seduced by my ENFJ wife, who opened the world up to me. Before that, I was a typical INFJ, so it was a miracle she managed to love me long enough for me to open up and tell her I love her before she left me. Before that, my long and my short relationships were all in my head and i did not share with others. I did not even realize I lived in my own fantasy box. Now, I can see it so well because I am free and happy with my full of love ENFJ partner. So I'll make my wants and needs list before and after she came along because that is how I see my life.

I still can't do this list with most people, but I easily do it with her now. She is my true soulmate and my most awesome lover. We = ideal.

BEFORE - AFTER

No sharing - share
No communicating feelings - communicating feelings
Secretive - open
No trust - trust
Fear of love - not fearing love
Fear of honesty - honesty
Love the idea of love - love
Remote - accessible
Like humor - have humor
Like sex - live sex
Ignore - listen
Touchy - accepting
It is all about me - It is all about me and her and us (2 individuals + our love)


I could go on an on. I have it all, finally, so I don't know which are wants and which are needs.
 
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Well, my life is like in two parts, before and after I was seduced by my ENFJ wife, who opened the world up to me. Before that, I was a typical INFJ, so it was a miracle she managed to love me long enough for me to open up and tell her I love her before she left me. Before that, my long and my short relationships were all in my head and i did not share with others. I did not even realize I lived in my own fantasy box. Now, I can see it so well because I am free and happy with my full of love ENFJ partner. So I'll make my wants and needs list before and after she came along because that is how I see my life.

I still can't do this list with most people, but I easily do it with her now. She is my true soulmate and my most awesome lover. We = ideal.

BEFORE - AFTER

No sharing - share
No communicating feelings - communicating feelings
Secretive - open
No trust - trust
Fear of love - not fearing love
Fear of honesty - honesty
Love the idea of love - love
Remote - accessible
Like humor - have humor
Like sex - live sex
Ignore - listen
Touchy - accepting
It is all about me - It is all about me and her and us (2 individuals + our love)


I could go on an on. I have it all, finally, so I don't know which are wants and which are needs.

Wow, that's so great and very envy worthy. :m059:
 
Jhonson1, you give me hope buddy!
Thanks for sharing
 
sex is classified as one of basic physiological human needs (the others are food, water, air, sleep, clothes ands shelter)


I don't have sex, or an interest in it.

Eventually am I going to die as a direct result of not having sex?
 
I don't have sex, or an interest in it.

Eventually am I going to die as a direct result of not having sex?


you're only 16
I'd be really worried of you were interested in sex right now
..but you will be later on
 
mammals in general do not just "want" it :)
but yes - it's not necessary for individual survival and can be suppressed.
 
he HAS to get along with my friends.

Need:
Faithfulness
Dedication (It takes two)
Empathy
Intellect
A Non-critical, non-antagonistic personality
Nurturance

Want:
Charm
Adventurous
Attentiveness
5'8" or taller
Warm hands
 
he HAS to get along with my friends.

Need:
Faithfulness
Dedication (It takes two)
Empathy
Intellect
A Non-critical, non-antagonistic personality
Nurturance

Want:
Charm
Adventurous
Attentiveness
5'8" or taller
Warm hands

:eyebrows:
 
I don't really know what I want or need. I have some specific things, like I don't want someone who smokes, for example. But when it comes to things like "has a good sense of humor", I can see myself going both ways.

I guess needs would be things that I need in order for the relationship to be possible. I need someone who doesn't put me/others down, who doesn't smoke/do other extremely unhealthy things/who isn't involved in illegal activies. I want someone who has a good sense of humor (or at least who I can make laugh), who is empathetic, etc, but those aren't absolute necessities.

The fact is that I find so many different types of people attractive that I could probably be happy with a wide variety of people.
 
Odyne DeNobelati said:
you're only 16
I'd be really worried of you were interested in sex right now
..but you will be later on

Why would you be worried if a 16 was interested in having sex? Around this time the sexual hormones peak, it would make more sense to want to have sex the most during these times. Which is why on average most people have sex for the first time between the ages of 15-18.


I don't have sex, or an interest in it.

Eventually am I going to die as a direct result of not having sex?

I agree with this, sex is not a need. You do not need to have sex to live and there are enough others making human babies were this does not effect the species.
 
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Wants
- Sensitive
- Considerate / Empathetic
- Serious & Funny (Balanced)
- Self-Aware
- Not arrogant - Someone who doesn't confuse confidence or arrogance with intelligence
- Laidback but doesn't take things for granted
- Someone who understands the importance of sitting still to listen

Needs
- Emotional support
- Someone who is sensitive w/ good emotional control
- Someone who doesn't give in to emotions easily
- Someone with a strong sense of self
- Someone who has the ability to walk away
- Someone who knows how to respect the needs of others, without ignoring their own
 
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In order for a relationship to work, I...

Need:
for them to sincerely care.
for them to be willing to try new things.
for them to be patient.

Want:
All the other stuff.

Really, I don't need a lot to make a relationship work, but the problem is, the things I do need are difficult for a lot of people, especially my age. They require a certain level of maturity, understanding, and selflessness, and I can usually tell straight out who's interested in a relationship out of desperation/self-centered reasons, and it turns me off.