[INFJ] Walls being pulled down .. should I rebuild them?

[Darkly Detached]

It's happening again ... and I don't know how to stop it. .. But do I want to stop it? Should I?

I've been keeping people at a distance successfully for nearly half a decade now because I get close and something goes wrong ... people imprint on me and then either they leave, or circumstance makes us drift apart .. so I wrote off the idea of friendships a long time ago .. but someone has managed to pull down my walls in a very short period of time.

We've been connecting online for several months. She knows my wife so it's pretty much 100% platonic. She wants to be friends with my wife as well so there's no motive there except friendship.

Should I put the barriers back up ... but then I wonder .. am I still punishing myself because certain friendships in the past turned sour ..? Have I matured enough to be able to make this work without future pain? Should I take it a step at a time .. should I not be concerned about the future .. but then is it possible not to think about it in the first place?

So much confusion over something so simple. This is so frustrating.

 

[Deleted member 16771]

It's happening again ... and I don't know how to stop it. .. But do I want to stop it? Should I?

I've been keeping people at a distance successfully for nearly half a decade now because I get close and something goes wrong ... people imprint on me and then either they leave, or circumstance makes us drift apart .. so I wrote off the idea of friendships a long time ago .. but someone has managed to pull down my walls in a very short period of time.

We've been connecting online for several months. She knows my wife so it's pretty much 100% platonic. She wants to be friends with my wife as well so there's no motive there except friendship.

Should I put the barriers back up ... but then I wonder .. am I still punishing myself because certain friendships in the past turned sour ..? Have I matured enough to be able to make this work without future pain? Should I take it a step at a time .. should I not be concerned about the future .. but then is it possible not to think about it in the first place?

So much confusion over something so simple. This is so frustrating.

I think you ought to think about this logically.

What are the fundamental fears?

What's the worst that could happen, and is that worth the risk?

What is the actual likelihood of the worst happening, and is it worth the gamble?

&c.

 

[Ginny]

It's happening again ... and I don't know how to stop it. .. But do I want to stop it? Should I?

I've been keeping people at a distance successfully for nearly half a decade now because I get close and something goes wrong ... people imprint on me and then either they leave, or circumstance makes us drift apart .. so I wrote off the idea of friendships a long time ago .. but someone has managed to pull down my walls in a very short period of time.

We've been connecting online for several months. She knows my wife so it's pretty much 100% platonic. She wants to be friends with my wife as well so there's no motive there except friendship.

Should I put the barriers back up ... but then I wonder .. am I still punishing myself because certain friendships in the past turned sour ..? Have I matured enough to be able to make this work without future pain? Should I take it a step at a time .. should I not be concerned about the future .. but then is it possible not to think about it in the first place?

So much confusion over something so simple. This is so frustrating.

I think the people who enter and leave our lives do so for a reason. It's happening all the time, people coming into our lives, if we are ready to receive them. We are having/making experiences, so of course they leave a mark on us whether or not they eventually leave. But we evolve, we learn and grow constantly.

“Who wishes to fight must first know the cost.” is something I heard a short while ago. It is similar to Deleted member 16771' question of whether it is worth the risk, I think, only a little different.

Even if a friendship turns bad, they can teach us a lesson, which is imo something good coming out of something bad. And as I learnt as a Whovian, the bad things don't always spoil the good things. We can still appreciate those things as they are, for what they can help us become.

In the end, it is you who must decide on your own what is best for you. You cannot control the things that other people do, only how you react to them.