Waiting to have sex | INFJ Forum

Waiting to have sex

slant

slant

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Hello everyone,

I'm in a bit of a pickle.

I keep finding myself in beginnings of relationships where the man wants to wait to have sex. This is always unexpected on my end and it becomes frustrating the longer it goes on. It's occurring so frequently I'm beginning to think it's normal. Personally, I'm not a fan of it.

So questions:

Why would you wait to have sex in a relationship?

How long would you wait? Why that amount of time?

At what point is too long and would be reasonable to sort of be like 'hey, we kinda need to have sex or I'm moving on'?

Interested to hear y'all thoughts.
 
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slant said:
Hello everyone,

I'm in a bit of a pickle.

I keep finding myself in beginnings of relationships where the man wants to wait to have sex. This is always unexpected on my end and it becomes frustrating the longer it goes on. It's occurring so frequently I'm beginning to think it's normal. Personally, I'm not a fan of it.

So questions:

Why would you wait to have sex in a relationship?

How long would you wait? Why that amount of time?

At what point is too long and would be reasonable to sort of be like 'hey, we kinda need to have sex or I'm moving on'?

Interested to hear y'all thoughts.
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there are as many answers as stars in the sky. it depends on. . everything. it has to feel right, or it's not
 
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I wish sex and if/when was easier to figure out, but it's difficult to know what and when. . for your own self and for the relationship as well. There is no formula for when or if, only what you feel in your heart. yeah, not helpful, I know
 
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ruji said:
In Soviet Russia tho...

I think it's silly to wait. If he's taking sex too seriously, move on. What else is he taking seriously? DOES HE WANT TO MARRY YOU?
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I already told him in not interested in marriage.

In terms of when I'm ready for sex, it's now. So I'm just wondering what the average wait time is so I have a good idea as to what is reasonable
 
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I personally have no problem with having sex nearly immediately, however all the people I've been with just happen to be people I already knew for a good length of time beforehand, so by the time things moved in that direction it just seemed like the thing to do. I've never had to go into a completely fresh relationships or encounter to navigate that so I don't think I can really offer any meaningful information.

I did wait until I was 26 to have actual intercourse though because I just wasn't into anyone enough until that time. I am not exactly sure why people hold out for lengthy periods of time once they've been seeing someone a while.
 
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ruji said:
I know. I'm answering your question in reference to the root of why people typically wait. For a guy to wait, he either doesn't like you, his waiting is artificial, or he's shy. So what would you do in either of those situations? I suppose this is just my opinion. Maybe I'm wrong.
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His waiting is artificial? What does that mean?
 
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ruji said:
I don't know how else to explain it. Artificial as in not based on his feelings.
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Oh yeah- I wasn't trying to determine why he wants to wait to have sex. We've come close multiple times and he really wants to, he's waiting because he believes having sex too soon ends up in getting too attached and things not working out. It's definitely artificial and I know if I pushed him he would have sex but I'm respecting his boundaries.

What I'm trying to determine is what is considered an average amount of time to wait for sex so that I can adjust my expectations accordingly
 
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slant said:
What I'm trying to determine is what is considered an average amount of time to wait for sex so that I can adjust my expectations accordingly
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You're looking for an answer that doesn't matter. Just move forward with a decision. I wouldn't fixate on this decision of pushing it being the factor that makes or breaks the relationship. It's going to succeed or fail on factors which actually matter. You can't fake being who he wants or vice versa. The bottom line, and what I'm saying is, you gotta do what you want, and he's going to like it or not. This average time thing is as fake as him wanting to wait. It's a silly game
 
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Honestly, I don't really want to have sex with a woman unless we're in a loving marriage. Otherwise if I'm just trying to get laid, I might as well masturbate or buy an hour with a prostitute.

Less hassle.

EDIT: that being said, i don't encourage prostitution.
 
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ruji said:
You're looking for an answer that doesn't matter. Just move forward with a decision. I wouldn't fixate on this decision of pushing it being the factor that makes or breaks the relationship. It's going to succeed or fail on factors which actually matter. You can't fake being who he wants or vice versa. The bottom line, and what I'm saying is, you gotta do what you want, and he's going to like it or not. This average time thing is as fake as him wanting to wait. It's a silly game
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I understand what you're saying, and I agree, but I don't know what I'm okay with or not okay with hence why I'm looking for other people's perspectives
 
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slant said:
Hello everyone,

I'm in a bit of a pickle.

I keep finding myself in beginnings of relationships where the man wants to wait to have sex. This is always unexpected on my end and it becomes frustrating the longer it goes on. It's occurring so frequently I'm beginning to think it's normal. Personally, I'm not a fan of it.

So questions:

Why would you wait to have sex in a relationship?

How long would you wait? Why that amount of time?

At what point is too long and would be reasonable to sort of be like 'hey, we kinda need to have sex or I'm moving on'?

Interested to hear y'all thoughts.
Click to expand...

I waited over 6 years.

Its not the be all and end all people think it is. Its fun but real life goes on.

However you need to have a great deal of patience being in a long distance relationship when you can only touch each other for about a week or 2 out of every year.

Depends how much you value the person and your own personal desires.
 
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