Waiting to have sex | INFJ Forum

Waiting to have sex

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by slant, Mar 9, 2020.

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  1. slant

    slant Fairly Tragic

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    Hello everyone,

    I'm in a bit of a pickle.

    I keep finding myself in beginnings of relationships where the man wants to wait to have sex. This is always unexpected on my end and it becomes frustrating the longer it goes on. It's occurring so frequently I'm beginning to think it's normal. Personally, I'm not a fan of it.

    So questions:

    Why would you wait to have sex in a relationship?

    How long would you wait? Why that amount of time?

    At what point is too long and would be reasonable to sort of be like 'hey, we kinda need to have sex or I'm moving on'?

    Interested to hear y'all thoughts.
     
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  2. Aneirin

    Aneirin AKA, David
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    there are as many answers as stars in the sky. it depends on. . everything. it has to feel right, or it's not
     
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  3. OP
    slant

    slant Fairly Tragic

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    I wish I understood what this meant

    Thanks for the response though
     
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  4. FiftySeven

    FiftySeven Community Member

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    You should never have sex unless you want to, and not "want to" to keep a relationship going but "want to" because you physically and emotionally desire it. And even then,you need to determine, morally , if it is appropriate.
     
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  5. Horatio

    Horatio Regular Poster

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    Just tell him upfront you want the D, Slant, it's not that complicated
     
  6. ruji

    ruji Well-known weirdo

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    In Soviet Russia tho...

    I think it's silly to wait. If he's taking sex too seriously, move on. What else is he taking seriously? DOES HE WANT TO MARRY YOU?
     
  7. Aneirin

    Aneirin AKA, David
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    I wish sex and if/when was easier to figure out, but it's difficult to know what and when. . for your own self and for the relationship as well. There is no formula for when or if, only what you feel in your heart. yeah, not helpful, I know
     
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  8. OP
    slant

    slant Fairly Tragic

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    I already told him in not interested in marriage.

    In terms of when I'm ready for sex, it's now. So I'm just wondering what the average wait time is so I have a good idea as to what is reasonable
     
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  9. ruji

    ruji Well-known weirdo

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    You make guys wait if they're repressed and judgmental. That's how most girls do it. YMMV
     
  10. SpecialEdition

    SpecialEdition THANKS RUG

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    I personally have no problem with having sex nearly immediately, however all the people I've been with just happen to be people I already knew for a good length of time beforehand, so by the time things moved in that direction it just seemed like the thing to do. I've never had to go into a completely fresh relationships or encounter to navigate that so I don't think I can really offer any meaningful information.

    I did wait until I was 26 to have actual intercourse though because I just wasn't into anyone enough until that time. I am not exactly sure why people hold out for lengthy periods of time once they've been seeing someone a while.
     
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  11. OP
    slant

    slant Fairly Tragic

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    He wants to wait
     
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  12. ruji

    ruji Well-known weirdo

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    I know. I'm answering your question in reference to the root of why people typically wait. For a guy to wait, he either doesn't like you, his waiting is artificial, or he's shy. So what would you do in either of those situations? I suppose this is just my opinion. Maybe I'm wrong.
     
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  13. OP
    slant

    slant Fairly Tragic

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    His waiting is artificial? What does that mean?
     
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  14. ruji

    ruji Well-known weirdo

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    I don't know how else to explain it. Artificial as in not based on his feelings.
     
  15. OP
    slant

    slant Fairly Tragic

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    Oh yeah- I wasn't trying to determine why he wants to wait to have sex. We've come close multiple times and he really wants to, he's waiting because he believes having sex too soon ends up in getting too attached and things not working out. It's definitely artificial and I know if I pushed him he would have sex but I'm respecting his boundaries.

    What I'm trying to determine is what is considered an average amount of time to wait for sex so that I can adjust my expectations accordingly
     
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  16. ruji

    ruji Well-known weirdo

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    You're looking for an answer that doesn't matter. Just move forward with a decision. I wouldn't fixate on this decision of pushing it being the factor that makes or breaks the relationship. It's going to succeed or fail on factors which actually matter. You can't fake being who he wants or vice versa. The bottom line, and what I'm saying is, you gotta do what you want, and he's going to like it or not. This average time thing is as fake as him wanting to wait. It's a silly game
     
    #16 ruji, Mar 10, 2020
    Last edited: Mar 10, 2020
  17. Pin

    Pin "Magnificent Bastard" / Ren's Counterpart

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    Honestly, I don't really want to have sex with a woman unless we're in a loving marriage. Otherwise if I'm just trying to get laid, I might as well masturbate or buy an hour with a prostitute.

    Less hassle.

    EDIT: that being said, i don't encourage prostitution.
     
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    #17 Pin, Mar 10, 2020
    Last edited: Mar 10, 2020
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  18. OP
    slant

    slant Fairly Tragic

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    I understand what you're saying, and I agree, but I don't know what I'm okay with or not okay with hence why I'm looking for other people's perspectives
     
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  19. ReasonEnduring

    ReasonEnduring Community Member

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    I waited over 6 years.

    Its not the be all and end all people think it is. Its fun but real life goes on.

    However you need to have a great deal of patience being in a long distance relationship when you can only touch each other for about a week or 2 out of every year.

    Depends how much you value the person and your own personal desires.
     
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  20. Aneirin

    Aneirin AKA, David
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    our perspectives don't matter. this is a personal choice you have to make. it has to feel right to you. that's all that matters
     
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