Top 3 Dating lessons

Rycka

Rycka

Regular Poster
MBTI
INFJ
Hey You!

Yes, YOU!

Are you sitting on your chair right now? No?

if so, then sit down, there's no need to read while standing up. :grinning:

You're wise and probably wise beyond your years. When you look back you see life full of experience, sorrows and joy, but let me ask a quick question:

Out of all that you have experienced...

what 3 Dating lessons could you share with us, the community, as an INFJ?
 
:mclap:I'll go first...

1- be cautious yet be yourself, regardless. Don't slap some mask on your face and fool the other into thinking you're someone you are not. You won't be able to hold up to the scrutinty of the mask bc of your desire for truth.

2-speak up. Talk while on the date. Get out of your head and into the moment. Enjoy it. You can over think and analyze the date to death after it's over. Enjoy the moment.

3-don't take it personally. If after a date the person doesn't call or want to date a second time, don't beat yourself up thinking you are flawed some how. Often people just don't click. Be the best you that you can be. There are others that are available to date.

Wish you all the best in your dating endeavors...when in doubt...repeat #2 as often as possible:-P.
 
1. Be aware of the difference between dating because you are interested in a person and you think that they seem wonderful and you want to get to know them, and dating because you are lonely or want sex.

2. Never date someone who doesn't understand "no". If someone keeps doing something that you explicitly asked them to stop doing, that means that this person doesn't understand "no" and you shouldn't date them.

3. Never consider dating someone who you don't feel pretty around. Signs of feeling pretty is if someone gives you a pretty gift, or says something like "you have pretty eyes", and then you feel "I am pretty". If you feel like you aren't pretty when you are with that person, don't date them.

Not really part of this but a good tip: If you are not interested in dating someone who is asking you for a date, a simple answer like "No thank you," is appropriate. There's no need to soften the blow, just be honest. Especially if something about that person makes you feel afraid.
 
invisible said:
PS. A good way of saying no is "When you [do such a thing], I feel [afraid, uncomfortable, sad, whatever], and I want you to please stop doing that."

Or even just "No, stop that" or "No, thank you, I'm not interested."
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I actually read something about this along the similar lines, but it was in a different context. Mainly the idea was to never critisize somebody, but rather to tell how it makes you feel. In any case, I do agree, thanks for answer.
 
Jacobi's Dos and Don'ts to Dating Heaven.

Don'ts
1. Don't be afraid to ask for head on the first date. You won't know if you don't ask
2. Don't show up on time. Your potential partner won't respect a needy nelly.
3. Don't worry about a few blood stains on your shirt. Wo/men love a wo/man who likes to play rough.

Dos
1. Do tell your date if they look like an uggo. They'll thank you for the knowledge.
2. Do shout at the staff if they make even the slightest of mistakes. Your date needs to get used to the emotional abuse.
3. Do try to save money by skipping the check or sneaking into movies. You're not made of money and your date should know this.

And lastly:
Do draw some eyes and a mouth on your favorite sock/sex toy. It helps with the desperate, soul-destroying loneliness.
 
It's great if someone makes you laugh and if you want to talk for hours and hours with them. Great to have a good friendship (not just physical connection), but also great if you get that heart flutter too. Are they a kind, mature person- all that glitters is not golden. (I like that saying).
 
1. Be genuine. Be yourself, but be your best self. Don't change who you are to impress.

2. It doesn't matter what you do and where you go if the person is the right person. The fanciest date does not equal the best person for you.

3. Problems get bigger as the relationship progresses. Sometimes bump are manageable, sometimes they turns into the Himalayas. Make sure you're on the same page about the important stuff. Educate yourself about behavioral warning signs, and potential big problems, but remember everyone has something they are struggling with.
 
  • be yourself..
  • don't rush things..
  • don't expect too much but don't settle for anything less..
  • don't take it seriously..just have fun.. if it's meant to be, it will be. if not, NEVER think/feel/blame yourself that it didn't work out. :)
oh this is 4.
 
1. If you're prone to feeling self-conscious on a date, think less about the impression you are making on your date and think more about the impression your date is making on you. Sometimes people get too caught up in wanting to be liked and end up chasing the other person without really giving themselves a chance to consider if the person is really someone who'd be a good match for them.

2. Let go of expectations and focus on the present moment. That includes not worrying about what will go bad and/or fantasizing about what will go well. Adopt a ''I'll see where this takes me" attitude.'

3. Be open while still keeping an eye on your values and interests. Allow the other person to be themselves and be open to hearing their perspectives and ideas. Ask them questions and engage with them, but don't forget that you have your own take on things. Speak up honestly but kindly.
 
Asa said:
3. Problems get bigger as the relationship progresses. Sometimes bump are manageable, sometimes they turns into the Himalayas. Make sure you're on the same page about the important stuff. Educate yourself about behavioral warning signs, and potential big problems, but remember everyone has something they are struggling with.
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There's one thing that's very annoying and that's mask wearing. Not sure how dating is in 30+, but in 18-25 I sometimes feel that you have to pretend to be someone that you're not in order to get the attention. From Male point of view, young girls are more often than not attracted to those tough wannabe guys, instead of sensitive and kind ones. I can fake it for awhile, but eventually I start to feel shallow and sick inside. What do you think? does dating game change later on?
 
1. Ask the questions that matter to you even if it might be a bit odd...you don't want to waste your limited free time on someone who is a racist or [insert your deal-breaker here].

2. Do what you need to feel comfortable. This includes but is not limited to having a code word pre arranged with a friend in case of emergency and Googling your date to see if they are on the sex offender register.

3. Have fun!
 
Rycka said:
There's one thing that's very annoying and that's mask wearing. Not sure how dating is in 30+, but in 18-25 I sometimes feel that you have to pretend to be someone that you're not in order to get the attention. From Male point of view, young girls are more often than not attracted to those tough wannabe guys, instead of sensitive and kind ones. I can fake it for awhile, but eventually I start to feel shallow and sick inside. What do you think? does dating game change later on?
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i thought it was the other way around. Most guys on their 20's are more into "just having fun" and not taking relationships too seriously one reason is probably of other priorities (studies and work) whereas when they're in their 30's some are more stable etc.

BUT i wouldn't know much, i never dated on my 20's. :tearsofjoy::tearsofjoy::tearsofjoy::tearsofjoy:
 
atree said:
1. If you're prone to feeling self-conscious on a date, think less about the impression you are making on your date and think more about the impression your date is making on you. Sometimes people get too caught up in wanting to be liked and end up chasing the other person without really giving themselves a chance to consider if the person is really someone who'd be a good match for them.

2. Let go of expectations and focus on the present moment. That includes not worrying about what will go bad and/or fantasizing about what will go well. Adopt a ''I'll see where this takes me" attitude.'

3. Be open while still keeping an eye on your values and interests. Allow the other person to be themselves and be open to hearing their perspectives and ideas. Ask them questions and engage with them, but don't forget that you have your own take on things. Speak up honestly but kindly.
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All of this. If I were dating, this would be my modus operandi. I would also follow my dad's advice to watch carefully how the person treats others like wait staff and relatives.
 
1) Go out with Victoria Coren Mitchell (don't she's happily married to David Mitchell)
2) Go out with Prof Alice Roberts (don't she's also happily married)
3) Find a suitable unmarried alternative to the above two. Comb hair and change socks first. Also read further back on this list for more sensible advice from other members.
 
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