too emphatic?

by rationalising that they're not me, and i'm feeling great right now, i'll feel shit later, so i'll stay feeling great and let them feel shit.

Did that help?

 

Don't get attached in the first place. Set boundaries.

If you are already in a position in which you are forced to empathize, then change your perspective.

Try looking at things in the long term. Things may be bad now, but they usually get better down the road and there is always hope.

View the situation globally. Is this the end of the world? Probably not and a broader perspective might give you insight into where others have faced the same challenges.

Look at the situation historically, as in how did these poor people get to this point? Often you will find they made some choices down the road that contributed to where they are now.

INFJs are the most gifted type at seeing things from multiple perspectives, and it is often our best defense against our own hypersensitivity. Empathy helps us understand one point of view, that of the person or people who are suffering, but we are capable of seeing other points of view. By utilizing that ability it will focus our attention away from our empathy and into more constructive pursuits, like problem solving.

 

I like it. If you don't though, you could always just shut up your pain into a small corner of your mind, so that it doesn't affect anything else you want to do...

 

Jah, I do that too occasionally

 

The Science behind being Empathic
The Mirror Neuron System

Researchers have discovered a specialized group of brain cells that are responsible for compassion. These cells enable everyone to mirror emotions, to share another person’s pain, fear, or joy. Because empaths are thought to have hyper-responsive mirror neurons, we deeply resonate with other people’s feelings. How does this occur? Mirror neurons are triggered by outside events. For example, our spouse gets hurt, we feel hurt too. Our child is crying; we feel sad too. Our friend is happy; we feel happy too. In contrast, psychopaths, sociopaths, and narcissists are thought to have what science calls “empathy deficient disorders.” This means they lack the ability to feel empathy like other people do, which may be caused by an under-active mirror neuron system. We must beware of these people because they are incapable of unconditional love.

2. Electromagnetic Fields

The second finding is based on the fact that both the brain and the heart generate electromagnetic fields. According to the HeartMath Institute, these fields transmit information about people’s thoughts and emotions. Empaths may be particularly sensitive to this input and tend to become overwhelmed by it. Similarly, we often have stronger physical and emotional responses to changes in the electromagnetic fields of the earth and sun. Empaths know well that what happens to the earth and sun affects our state of mind and energy. Similarly, we often have stronger physical and emotional responses to changes in the electromagnetic fields of the earth and sun. Empaths know well that what happens to the earth and sun affects our state of mind and energy.


3. Emotional Contagion

The third finding which enhances our understanding of empaths is the phenomena of emotional contagion. Research has shown that many people pick up the emotions of those around them. For instance, one crying infant will set off a wave of crying in a hospital ward. Or one person loudly expressing anxiety in the workplace can spread it to other workers. People commonly catch other people’s feelings in groups. A recent New York Times article stated that this ability to synchronize moods with others is crucial for good relationships. What is the lesson for empaths? To choose positive people in our lives so we’re not brought down by negativity. Or, if, say a friend is going through a hard time, take special precautions to ground and center yourself. These are important strategies you’ll learn in this book.

4. Increased Dopamine Sensitivity

The fourth finding involves dopamine, a neurotransmitter that increases the activity of neurons and is associated with the pleasure response. Research has shown that introverted empaths tend to have a higher sensitivity to dopamine than extroverts. Basically, they need less dopamine to feel happy. That could explain why they are more content with alone time, reading, and meditation and need less external stimulation from parties and other large social gatherings. In contrast, extroverts crave the dopamine rush from lively events. In fact, they can’t get enough of it.


5. Synesthesia

The fifth finding, which I find particularly compelling, is the extraordinary state called “mirror-touch synesthesia.” Synesthesia is a neurological condition in which two different senses are paired in the brain. For instance, you see colors when you hear a piece of music or you taste words. Famous synesthetics include Isaac Newton, Billy Joel, and violinist Itzhak Perlman. However, with mirror-touch synesthesia, people can actually feel the emotions and sensations of others in their own bodies as if these were their own. This is a wonderful neurological explanation of an empath’s experience.

The Dali Lama says, “Empathy is the most precious human quality.” During these stressful times, it’s easy to get overwhelmed. Even so, empathy is the quality that will get us through. It will enable us to respect one another, even if we disagree. Empathy doesn’t make you a sentimental softy without discernment. It allows you to keep your heart open to foster tolerance and understanding. It might not always be effective in getting through to people and creating peace but I think it’s the best chance we have.

(Adapted from The Empath’s Survival Guide: Life Strategies for Sensitive People by Judith Orloff, MD, which is a guidebook for empaths and all caring people who want to keep their hearts open in an often-insensitive world.)

 

In my most turbulent states, I was often dedicating too much of my myself to other people’s problems. I had this ridiculous expectation of myself to empathize immensely with people because there weren’t many others who could offer the same sentiment it seemed. When I finally came to the acknowledgement that I couldn’t help others unless I took care of myself first, it became easier to establish boundaries. A lot of people will also need to bend and break on their own to learn the lesson they need to learn in order to grow as an individual. If I can predict where someone’s decisions are going to cause trouble, I will generally offer a warning, but I don’t go out of my way to save people anymore. Because it never works. I exhaust myself trying to protect them from an event or themselves, that they most of the time will proceed with anyway and then later they return with the dreaded “I should have listened to you” or “you were right”. People have their curiosities and sometimes the temptation to touch fire or to stay drowning in puddles that they can stand up from, is really their own problem. You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink. And we have to accept that. We have to accept that people sometimes need their low points in order to reach their high ones.

Life is unfair sometimes and some people don’t ask for the things that happen to them. We can empathize alongside them temporarily, but again, the direction we choose to take in life with handling certain scenarios is each persons choice alone. We can’t exhaust ourselves in exuding positivity if someone chooses to respond negatively. This is a huge drain on me personally and I have learned to walk away after a certain point. I have acknowledged my likelihood of developing resentments and stressing myself to the point of throwing my functions out of whack and I am now choosing to put my mental and emotional heath first. I can’t share my “gifts” effectively in a turbulent state. Just some personal perspective that hopefully offers some help in your conundrum.

 

Bad moods pass in time. Don't stop getting things done.