To do what you like or do what you should do.

[Teddy Ted]

I do apologize if this post sounds childish/weepy(i'm tearing up while writing this) /demanding and could be the most repeated question in the forum.
I had thought of posting this in the education section but felt this was more appropriate. (question is more of philosophical/moral in nature). Post would be extremely long as usual....

Currently writing this while listening to the wonderful call to prayer from the mosque(JAKARTA !!!! wonderful place) infront of the hotel that i'm staying in at right now.

Well here's the thing, I'm in Sixth Form currently (High School in the States). In two years time i'll be college. The problem is that i'm unsure as to what i want to do in my life.I've considered being a Civil/Aerospace/Materials Engineer, Medical Doctor, Government Economist, Architect, Pilot even a Priest(don't laugh!! had seriously considered this at one point during my childhood(backed down,too much of a wussy to be one)). (Dang that's waaay too many choices)

The thing is i'm torn between what i would like to do and what i should do......

hmmmmm.....gosh....how should i explain this??!!!
I've narrowed down my choices to three: A pilot, Medical Doctor (area of specialty is yet to be decided) and Government Economist (public policy).
Engineer (hmmm...i need interaction with people(don't really talk though) although i'm I) Architect(can't really draw)

Being a pilot. Childhood Dream(never drew cars as a child, always only drew planes). Planes are my Playboy Babes.
Flight Sims everyday . Qualified enough (will be taking Physics and Additional Mathematics) to start ground school once i'm out of high school(will my parents pay for my wings???......). Definitely the ultimate DREAM job, one where even a dreary day could be exciting. The job that i would LIKE to do

Being a Doctor/Entering Public Service,joining anything that requires morals(sadly that's not the case nowadays). Guess its in the family history. Both parents thought of being doctors,never did due to loads of reasons(Dad became a Business Man (the kid who dropped out of engineering school in college, worked long 15 hours days for years to get into a managerial position(still doesn't have a degree), Mom was an ex-elementary school teacher who became a housewife). Great Grand Dad was a doctor(he came from a family of doctors), great great grandad(the "crackpot" who gave away most of his earnings to the democracy movement, leaving his family in near-poverty) and his grandad(was of one of the few pioneers of democracy during his time in my country) were heavily involved in human rights/politics. Had always this "positive Pressure" to be someone who would do something good for society. Jobs that i "should be" doing. In my old elementary school diary, (doctor) is written under the section of what i want to be when i grow up. Will i be able to one? (gotta get my chemistry right, which at the moment is dreadful)

Is it wrong to do what i like?? Is it selfish of me??.......
Doesn't help that the girl i like (love??....) wants to be a neurologist. Whenever she talks about how brains are soo fascinating, it sends shivers down my spine making my blood rush. Such a turn on (mind you its not sexual,more of intellectual in nature,all right i admit maybe a bit(but definitely negligible in magnitude) ). Finally found a fellow nerd at school who would understand my "weirdness" (gosh the extrovert ME.....sigh....too bad she's taken...sigh.... sigh.....).

Gotta end with this totally unrelated question(just had to ask):
Are there any TRUE(doesn't believe in God even in the deepest crevices of their hearts) atheist INFJs???

 

[uuu]

You should do what you like. When push comes to shove, you'll be happy no matter what repercussions that has in your life.

 

[Neuropedia]

Chill out a bit. Take some first year classes, look into what being all the things you want to me would look like. I'll PM you site/pass word you can use.
But srsly stressing on the future will just make this worse. Focus more on finding the things you need to feel fulfilled, safe and happy. It may not seem like the most time efficient option but its better than jumping in too soon. Volunteer or work in fields your interested in.

Life never, ever, ever goes as planned so don't try too hard. Just make some vague life goals

*pats head*


And I am an infj athiest, though if it discounts me, I really do wish I believe in something transcendent

 

[kita]

I think you should definitely be selfish and do what you like. There is this funny saying I heard since getting married, "happy wife, happy life" which i think it very true and works for all kinds of relationships. many people in your life will benefit from your decision to do what you like.

I'm not sure how to help you narrow down the choices though...I'm going back to college now and for me the cost of the program and potential income were crucial in making a decision, though if my parents were paying that probably wouldnt have mattered so much.

And btw I'm a true infj atheist. I was raised that way and have no early indoctrinations hanging around in the back of my mind.

 

[soulseeker]

I was crying about this yesterday ) ) I have less than a year to decide what course to take so I'm confused too

I don't think doing what you like is selfish. I think that if you do what you like, then you'll be more motivated to work and I guess it won't really feel like work because you enjoy it. And I always think that whatever it is that you're naturally inclined to, there lies your happiness and it is somehow related to your life's mission

 

[MindYourHead]

It is said that if you can earn a living doing what you love, you will never work a day in your life.

 

[Norton]

Become a flight surgeon. That takes care of medical aspirations and the pilot's license. Then do economics on the side. You're very young and, hopefully, your life will be long and you can do lots of things.

 

[Oranguh]

This is so vague. "what you should do" and "what you like" is so relative and personal.

In the end you have to set priorities and identify your values. Do what you want to do, if you think that you will feel best if you do "what you should do" then obviously that's what you want to do. (lol for oversimplification)

In the end, most of the humble people are doing what they think they should do because they want to. Anyways, don't beat yourself up for picking either. Don't live with regrets. You'll figure it out, probably.

+ answer to your random question (why do you ask anyways?)

I think I'm agnostic (but I'm no infj). But religion isn't all that important to me in the first place.

 

[~jet]

I've found that, by taking care of the things I 'should do,' I have a lot more leeway and freedom to do what I like.

 

[Chamomile]

As a 3rd year in college that is still unsure (more like way too many interests an options to handle!), I can more than identify with this. The best part about all of this is that your first 2 years of college will just be trying things. You don't have to commit to a program or idea of 'should' for years. And I was insecure so I didn't try to take classes out of my safe zone (where I knew I could keep a 4.0). I got frustrated and learned nothing about myself. So learn from my mistake, try things you wouldn't normally! So many things have 'sounded' just right for me, or the idea of them sounded just right, but they weren't. Most of them were very different than what is right for me. And that's okay! You are learning about yourself and what you really click with.

Additionally, you will not make a great doctor if your heart isn't in it. I HATE doctors that act this way towards their profession, and I don't trust them. Don't ever go into something ONLY for the family history, money, or prestige. I promise you will resent yourself for it. But there is nothing wrong with going into something that stirs you up AND is a 'should.'

Everyone has 'shoulds' that they need to live up to. That is okay. Doing what you should is not at all something to be ashamed of and it is not a betrayal of yourself, if it is within reason.

In my experience, the best way to find the right thing for you is this:
1. Make a list of all the careers or branches you find attractive/interesting/have been told you're gifted at. Even if you have no experience and it just snagged your interest, write it down. Those gut instincts are something we should always pay attention to.
2. Cross off the ones that do not make the 'should' cut (this might be jobs that don't pay enough to support a family you want or would really upset your parents)
3. Cross off any jobs that require what you do not have. I emphasize that this is not necessarily like being good at math. Math can be learned, as well as skills. But if you don't have the passion for, say, being a doctor, then it would probably be imbalanced with the amount of pressure on you not being met by your passion for it.
4. Take intro classes in it. Talk to your professors about what it is REALLY like in that field. Note: I have found many professors tend to try to turn off students to careers that are fluffed up via media while they're teaching. Like forensic anthropology classes, professors will stress very much that it is not like the TV show 'Bones' portrays it. They have to do this for the crazies that are delusional and unrealistic, but don't let it deter you. If you approach them alone, they will probably be more honest about how cool it really is for people that are passionate about it. If you take the intro classes and its not what you thought, move on to the next one. You do need to make a decision about 2 years into college, but you can't make an informed decision until you try firsthand!

Additionally, some US universities like Yale and Stanford have open courses. These are free classes that have been recorded for people that don't have the opportunity to go there and is a great way to get a head start (and save yourself some time) on intro classes. Here's the link for the Yale courses: http://oyc.yale.edu/

Be open minded about careers that don't generally bring as much money as you'd like. There is a way to make a killing in any field if you are creative enough!

 

[not sure]

You mentioned Sixth Form which makes me think your educational system is based on the traditional British grammar school which in my opinion is a very restrictive system that doesn't really allow students enough room to find what they truly love. If you can, take a year off and experience the world a bit. It should help to clarify things plus, careers often aren't what they appear to be from the outside. Ultimately, try to find a balance between money, prestige and love for your field but lean a little bit more towards your passion because it will make it easier to get dressed in the morning.

 

[Teddy Ted]

[MENTION=3671]ultrauber[/MENTION] , [MENTION=2811]kita[/MENTION] , [MENTION=489]soulseeker[/MENTION] , [MENTION=3019]~jet[/MENTION]: good points!!

[MENTION=3501]Neuropedia[/MENTION] : Thanks!!!

[MENTION=1355]MindYourHead[/MENTION] : wish i could find one that makes that possible

[MENTION=1678]Norton[/MENTION] :hmm thats something i could consider.... interesting

[MENTION=3323]Oranguh[/MENTION] :i'm having issues with continuing on with my parent's religion...... Well i thought INFJs in general believed in some form of GOD, higher being, something that cares/is sensitive to all people, since we're(could be mistyped) considered people with high empathy.

[MENTION=3900]Chamomile[/MENTION] :hmm loads to think about what you've written there.... Thanks!!!

[MENTION=3710]kiu[/MENTION] : Yes. In the British System you are required to choose your area of specialty by freshman year in college.

 

[Trifoilum]

Wait, I thought you are Indonesian. my bad
*ahem*

I do apologize if this post sounds childish/weepy(i'm tearing up while writing this) /demanding and could be the most repeated question in the forum.
I had thought of posting this in the education section but felt this was more appropriate. (question is more of philosophical/moral in nature). Post would be extremely long as usual....

It's alright. go ahead and vent, as long as you can learn from it and be stronger.

Currently writing this while listening to the wonderful call to prayer from the mosque(JAKARTA !!!! wonderful place) infront of the hotel that i'm staying in at right now.

How's Jakarta? XD

Well here's the thing, I'm in Sixth Form currently (High School in the States). In two years time i'll be college. The problem is that i'm unsure as to what i want to do in my life.I've considered being a Civil/Aerospace/Materials Engineer, Medical Doctor, Government Economist, Architect, Pilot even a Priest(don't laugh!! had seriously considered this at one point during my childhood(backed down,too much of a wussy to be one)). (Dang that's waaay too many choices)

The thing is i'm torn between what i would like to do and what i should do......

You're not alone. I think many people have been through this, me included.
Cannot say for anyone else, but for me; I begin to question, who and what defines what I should do? I'm not saying that in a rebelling tone, but analyzing. What are the important things on 'what I should do'?
Perhaps it was money; or status; or just a promise of stability. But who's to say you can't achieve that with what you'd like to do instead?

hmmmmm.....gosh....how should i explain this??!!!
I've narrowed down my choices to three: A pilot, Medical Doctor (area of specialty is yet to be decided) and Government Economist (public policy).
Engineer (hmmm...i need interaction with people(don't really talk though) although i'm I) Architect(can't really draw)

Being a pilot. Childhood Dream(never drew cars as a child, always only drew planes). Planes are my Playboy Babes.
Flight Sims everyday . Qualified enough (will be taking Physics and Additional Mathematics) to start ground school once i'm out of high school(will my parents pay for my wings???......). Definitely the ultimate DREAM job, one where even a dreary day could be exciting. The job that i would LIKE to do

Being a Doctor/Entering Public Service,joining anything that requires morals(sadly that's not the case nowadays). Guess its in the family history. Both parents thought of being doctors,never did due to loads of reasons(Dad became a Business Man (the kid who dropped out of engineering school in college, worked long 15 hours days for years to get into a managerial position(still doesn't have a degree), Mom was an ex-elementary school teacher who became a housewife). Great Grand Dad was a doctor(he came from a family of doctors), great great grandad(the "crackpot" who gave away most of his earnings to the democracy movement, leaving his family in near-poverty) and his grandad(was of one of the few pioneers of democracy during his time in my country) were heavily involved in human rights/politics. Had always this "positive Pressure" to be someone who would do something good for society. Jobs that i "should be" doing. In my old elementary school diary, (doctor) is written under the section of what i want to be when i grow up. Will i be able to one? (gotta get my chemistry right, which at the moment is dreadful)

Both are heavily depending on what you're looking forward and searching in life.
It's alright to seek what you like, nor is it wrong to do something good to society.
It won't do you any better if you choose something because of the pressure that's coming not from you, though. Your parents would want you to be happy more than taking their lost dreams / following the family tradition. (Will they be happy, actually? Have they told you that you should be a doctor?) But that depends on you too. Do you prefer to make your parents happy more (assuming they will)?
Also, try to look from a different perspective. Maybe you can be a doctor while taking flight classes?

Is it wrong to do what i like?? Is it selfish of me??.......

Not really, but do realize that both will have its own happiness and sadness, wins and loses, battles.

Doesn't help that the girl i like (love??....) wants to be a neurologist. Whenever she talks about how brains are soo fascinating, it sends shivers down my spine making my blood rush. Such a turn on (mind you its not sexual,more of intellectual in nature,all right i admit maybe a bit(but definitely negligible in magnitude) ). Finally found a fellow nerd at school who would understand my "weirdness" (gosh the extrovert ME.....sigh....too bad she's taken...sigh.... sigh.....).

*pets*

Gotta end with this totally unrelated question(just had to ask):
Are there any TRUE(doesn't believe in God even in the deepest crevices of their hearts) atheist INFJs???

A lot.

 

[Teddy Ted]

Wait, I thought you are Indonesian. my bad
*ahem*

It's alright. go ahead and vent, as long as you can learn from it and be stronger.


How's Jakarta? XD

*pets*

A lot.

Jakarta: lively vibe of a nation in progress

What's "pets"??

Thanks for your replies!!

 

[Trifoilum]

Jakarta: lively vibe of a nation in progress

What's "pets"??

Thanks for your replies!!

That's a really nice way to put it.
pets...is..something akin to patting (petting?) someone in the head. Reading that, I can see it as belittling; Sorry, it's what went through my mind reading that (and I did that often in chats). No bad intentions, honest!

 

[Phoenix Down]

Do what you want to do. Be what you want to be. Find friends. Don't be in a hurry to grow up. Take your time.

 

[Galileo]

Are there any TRUE(doesn't believe in God even in the deepest crevices of their hearts) atheist INFJs???

*puts up hand*

as for your other question, I know so many people who followed the careers that would give them money or a good job or that would make their parents proud of them, only to quitt those jobs in their 40's feeling considerably wasted and drained and often worthless, like the last 15 or so years of their lives meant little to them. After that they've gone off to study what they loved and wished they had spent their entire lives doing it.


If in your heart you don't want to be a doctor, then don't. If it's in your heart to try to be a pilot and you're prepared to put the effort in and you've got the grades, then go for it.


Don't choose your career to satisfy anyone but yourself, because you're the one who's going to be doing it.

 

[Oranguh]

Being atheist usually implies that you don't believe in any "higher power". To believe in something like that is in itself, quite a leap of faith in my honest opinion. How could you ever know something is there? How could you ever know something is not there?

But yea, there are many people who quite simply state: If you can't quantify it, it doesn't exist. So ~ I dunnoooo~ It's personal ^^