Thoughts From A Tired Soul | Page 36 | INFJ Forum

Thoughts From A Tired Soul

For your surgery today:

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My dad became combative at one point, it made him very, very hard to place in a home. From what I've heard his episodes were similar to what your dad is encountering. Waking nightmares. The home my mom is presently in, as an unwritten rule, does not take men unless they had moved there with a spouse. (However, they were all too happy to take a deposit and put him on a "waiting list".) We tried and had him evaluated for and denied to a few other places before the woman running that first place got us in touch with a friend of hers who ran a home that did take men.

So what is the difference between men and women with these diseases? Is it "simply" testosterone do you think? Can the combative tendencies be mellowed with some medication? Hmm... just thinking out loud.
 
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@Sandie33

I said a prayer for you this morning, and I hope your surgery went well. May you be on the mend quickly and that you mend well.

Much respect for all you are managing / handling / enduring / experiencing / working toward / caring for / planning...

I’m not sure that I would be up to the challenge you are navigating—by any reasonable measure, you are made of a different mettle, and one that is decidedly beyond.

Well Wishes,
Ian
 
So what is the difference between men and women with these diseases? Is it "simply" testosterone do you think? Can the combative tendencies be mellowed with some medication? Hmm... just thinking out loud.
Hmmm, thank you, this gives me pause for thought. Perhaps it is testosterone.

We go to his doc in October. The GP and the neurologist have been working together finally. I have the girls and myself logging bedtimes, wake times, moods, eating and drinking amounts and times, we even write in potty breaks and incontinence incidents. We log nap times, days with exercise or not. Blood sugar, blood pressure, heart rate, oxygen levels, and temperature.

I tell you it's set up like a age facility here, :p lol.

His combativeness isn't all thextime though and seems to arrive when he is frustrated...which he then acts like a frustrated toddler in his response, whether verbal or physical.

I had wanted to try CBD liquid under his tongue, but I've heard so many mixed yes do it/no don't do it because it interacts with the other medications.
A geriatric nurse told me she gives it to her dad and his mood mellows out. Yet, without it he's very combative and lashes out.
 
I said a prayer for you this morning, and I hope your surgery went well. May you be on the mend quickly and that you mend well.
Thank you forever so much for the prayers Ian.
I was quite nervous and jerky this morning after not sleeping well last night. I'm not a worrier by nature, however I am human. ;) I'll give a more detailed rendition of the days events in another post below. There always seems to be a plot twist for me.
Much respect for all you are managing / handling / enduring / experiencing / working toward / caring for / planning...

I’m not sure that I would be up to the challenge you are navigating—by any reasonable measure, you are made of a different mettle, and one that is decidedly beyond.
Again, many thanks. Some days I don't understand how I navigate all that's going on...perhaps it's a 'just do it' attitude. Pure determination. ;)
Then again I believe I have help from beyond. While we ladies were clearing out Dad's things all four of us could not get over how Dad was calm and cooperative with the aide while my sister, neice, and I were working. I had the TV on the classic country station playing music in his room while we worked and a song my uncle used to play on guitar came on, (he passed away in January). There were three skips in the intro, to get our attention I believe, at which time my neice asked do we have company, I said aloud, okay we're listening. In the same moment I had an image in my mind of that uncle and several, I'm saying many of our ancestors that have gone, leaning on a rail/banister sort of thing looking down on us clearing all these items and boxing them up. I chuckled at that image.
Then I opened one of the drawers in the bottom of Dad's bed. He has a queen sized wooden captain bed...this thing is monstrous, lol. It used to be a baffled waterbed and they stuck a standard matress in after a serious leak...a funny story...any way, I pulled out the ribbon that said "Buz & Girls". This was stuck in a three foot heart shaped wreath of mixed flowers my Dad's oldest brother sent to the funeral home when my mom died. I do not think words could describe the current coming off that ribbon. I told the girls I needed a break. As I stood up from my seat on the floor I caught a movement in my peripheral vision, jerked my head that way, and I pledge on all I hold dear that She, my Mom was there. For just a split second she and I locked eyes and she smiled. My sister called my name, evidently I was staring at the spot, mom's spirit stepped through the door and I almost tripped to chase her, but she was gone. I cried. Thankfully the girls let me have a few minutes. I fibbed and said I was overwhelmed by the ribbon. Later that night I saw her again as I entered the livingroom after tucking Dad in. Dim lighting and she was standing near the bookshelf the room. She said, and it came from somewhere in my heart, my head, I'm not certain, yet it was my internal voice but her words as we looked at each other, she said keep going, I love you.
I have goose bumps just typing that.
I didn't cry, rather I felt lighter inside...almost like a heaviness lifted off my heart. I haven't seen her since, but I do feel her here in the house still. ♡
 
Well the surgeon surprised me today.

I was scheduled to have this cyst-tumor thing taken out on my neck by my wish bone.

The surgeon tells me, after seating me in this comfortable space chair, that thing was awesome! I asked where I could buy one, lol :tonguewink: He tells me that I am having a bigger biopsy on my upper arm.

I said what?!?

He asked me to choose which I'd like done first...I must have appeared hysterical when I burst out laughing and said you the doc get it done.

He explained my neck so we did that first. When he was drawing the cut lines I asked for Mickey, but he laughed and said dotted line stick figure, :tearsofjoy: Then he showed me the 1cm plus by 2cm plus cyst capsule he took out of my neck!

He's not certain, we have to wait until my October appointment but he's confident it is a sebaceous epithelioma cyst, much of which are benign, but they'd send it to the lab anyway. He then gave me 4 internal stitches and two cross stitches on the outer layer telling me that after healing the scar would resemble a butterfly's wings ♡ awww, I said, how sweet.

Then he explained the other results to me.

On the mole removed from my mid back "a nevus with mild atypical containing fragments of lentiginous compound" aka mild melanoma and they will check it in 12 months. :unhappy:

On my upper arm the lesion extends to the deep tissue edge, a compound nevus with architectural disorder and moderate to advanced cytologic atypical dysplastic nevus with melanocyte distribution.

Melanoma.

He then used a surgical punch to remove a 3cm by 3cm ball from the arm skin and tissue. That will be sent to the lab with my neck growth and I'll get the results in October and go from there. :unhappy: I have a sutures divit in my upper arm with 7 stitches inside and 5 outside. That scar will be more prominent and definitely not resemble a butterfly.

All the stitches are disolvable. The goo they put on after and before the bandage smelled like aloe vera plant.

I think I'm numb from shock really. I didn't expect what I received today.
 
The Role of Gender in Shame, Hostility, and Aggression Experienced by Caregivers for Patients With Dementia
– SAGE Journal link

Additionally, in the final stages of dementia, it is common for caregivers to feel emotionally exhausted. This may sometimes bring about thoughts of relief, which the patient’s death would bring, which in turn makes the caregiver feel shame for having made this kind of thoughts about a loved person.

...it has been shown that female caregivers were more prone than their male counterparts to feelings of shame when having to provide care for a PwD. What is more, female caregivers also experienced higher levels of internal shame, making them more vulnerable to their own feelings.

Considering sex and gender in Alzheimer disease and other dementias
– NIH link

Nonetheless, during the late menopause transition, women experience a profound decrease in estradiol levels. Age-matched men either maintain their lifelong levels of gonadal steroids or experience a relatively slow decline in testosterone synthesis.34,61 Reductions in estradiol levels during the fifth decade and beyond may be responsible for deficits in brain metabolism and vascular pathologies, primarily among females, as age-matched males would still be aromatizing testosterone to estrogen. “Brain sex,” the degree of feminization and masculinization during development, is likely to moderate neuroprotective effects of estradiol and testosterone.61
Sex and Gender Differences in Alzheimer’s Disease Dementia
– NIH link
great link, I need to reread ;)


Sex Differences in Cognitive Decline Among US Adults
– JAMA link

I couldn't get this link to open
Cheers,
Ian

I reviewed the links. :)

Hormonal imbalance may contribute to Dad's behavior, however I'd have to look into it.
 
a nevus with mild atypical containing fragments of lentiginous compound

a compound nevus with architectural disorder and moderate to advanced cytologic atypical dysplastic nevus with melanocyte distribution

First, I’m sorry to hear this. Here’s hoping the lab says you have boring cells.

The medical nerd in me loved reading the words though. Not what they said, just that they were said.

He then used a surgical punch to remove a 3cm by 3cm ball from the arm skin and tissue.

I like your surgeon’s approach. This is no time to be conservative, and give primacy to cosmetic preservation and sparing.


Cheers,
Ian
 
The medical nerd in me loved reading the words though.
I din't know what they meant until I got home and Googled the diagnosis. Doc did validate my question whether all these skin issues on my cervix, in my stomach, the forest of polyps, and external skin ailments may be all related to a gene mutation. :flushed: I was all ears!

oh, the video is priceless;)
 
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Throwing this up in here; primarily because there is deep truth in these words ... not my words tho, I stumbled across them. With age, Pisces looses the jealousy. I often wonder why Jung acquainted the INFJ with Pisces traits. ... I wonder yet why I is both?

Don’t fall in love with a Pisces. They’ll be the type who touch you without even using their hands. They’ll be the type who understand without using words. They have an ability to read people better than anyone. And you’ll wonder how they know. It’s a look. It’s body language. It’s the little things they pick up on that you don’t even know about yourself.


Don’t fall in love with a Pisces. Their sensitivity will bring you to your knees and suddenly you’re being even more cautious and aware of everything you say and do. They are the type who takes things very personally and hurting them even a little will break your own heart.

Don’t fall in love with a Pisces. They will bring out the best of you and push you to achieve more than you ever thought you could. They enter your life and believe in you and your dreams so much it actually makes you want to achieve them.


Don’t fall in love with a Pisces because they will heal you. And you might not be ready for that. They will love you unconditionally regardless of what you have to give. They don’t keep score. They just give you their best whether you deserve it or not. They’ll show you the best way to get over someone is through the love someone else can give you. They don’t ask you to move on or just be okay, they dig deep into the root of your pain and heartbreak somehow understanding. And it’s there they heal you. Walking you through it even if it hurts.

Don’t fall in love with a Pisces because they are the jealous type. They don’t mean to be but it’s just who they are. But it’s in that jealousy you’ll realize how much they truly care about you.


Don’t fall in love with a Pisces because your mom will love them. Your dad will tell you how different they are than anyone you’ve brought around. Your sister will learn to love her like they are a part of the family. And if it ends everyone will ask about them. Everyone will wonder how they are doing. Everyone will secretly wish they’d come back. Pisces don’t just touch the hearts of the people they love, they captivate everyone in their path.

Don’t fall in love with a Pisces because they will teach you to see the world differently. Things you used to walk by and see-through, you’ll find yourself stopping and appreciating simplistic beauty. Things you never cared about you’ll think of them and suddenly care. Suddenly everything that matters to them will matter to you.

Don’t fall in love with a Pisces because they will redefine what you thought love was because the way they love is different. They won’t ask much of you but they’ll give to a point where you almost feel guilty.

Don’t fall in love with a Pisces because you’ll suddenly find yourself making a lot of irrational choices. They’ll teach you to follow your heart instead of your head. And when you look back at your life you’ll realize yeah playing it safely kept you on track but it’s only when you take risks are you really living.

Don’t fall in love with a Pisces because they’ll keep you up at night and you’ll learn the best conversations are the ones that happen past two AM. You’ll learn to not fear vulnerability when you’re telling them things you haven’t even said to yourself. You’ll wake up feeling guilty and they’ll just pull you in and it’ll be in that moment you realize they got through every wall you’ve ever had.

Don’t fall in love with a Pisces because you’ll realize it’s the little things you love about them. The way they whisper thank you when you grab your hand. The way they stop every dog in the street to pet them. The compassion they have for everyone and everything.

Don’t fall in love with a Pisces because they’ll be honest with you even when it hurts. And you’ll realize you’ve never met a more genuine person.

Don’t fall in love with a Pisces because they’ll push you to try and keep up. They are driven and goal oriented and when you ask them about their achievements, they don’t think much of it. They just carry one pushing to be a better version of themselves.

And there will be moments you wonder if you are good enough for them. Meanwhile, they are looking at you thinking they are the lucky ones.
Don’t fall in love with a Pisces because they’ll teach you about patience and understanding. They overthink everything because they care. They need constant reassurance and praise. They feel guilty for needing that but it’s who they are.

Their mind races at a million miles an hour and the best thing you teach them in loving them is to relax, slow down and trust someone more than themselves.
Don’t fall in love with a Pisces because they will never give up on you. They will continue to give you chances until you prove they were right about you. Some people say they have bad judgment but they look at everyone a little more closely not judging anyone by what they see. Even they aren’t what they seem.

The first time you met them they were probably shy and reserved but under that was someone who cared so deeply and wore their heart on their sleeve.

Don’t fall in love with a Pisces because they won’t be the ones to hurt you and it’s you that will live with the guilt and pain if ever you should let them go
 
The plot twist ripens.

My endocrinologist opened up a door today. She's very concerned that I have a melanoma diagnosis on the mole on my arm.
With my history of other things, including the cervical and stomach/lower esophageal 'cancers', she is thinking it may be interrelated. So she gave me a few links, the one below being doubly important.
She also will be advocating for an omnipod and dexcom setup to control my insulin delivery.
After she said I've lost 75.3lbs in less than18 months, with 38 of it in less than 3 months, and I'm 4 lbs down just since Tuesday (water, it has to be water), yet my A1C hasn't budged, she's ordering a complete DNA panel to see if it's mutated gene(s) and will advocate to my insurance why it's necessary if they choose not to cover it.

She noticed, where I hadn't, that the outer edges on the left side of the surgical site on my neck is bruising and red. Utoh, it's the weekend...now I have to watch if I get a fever or it gets hot.

Well shit.

Below is one of the websites she gave me about melanoma and it's link with MIA protein.

How MIA Can Be Used to Help Detect and Suppress Melanoma
When researchers first found the MIA protein, it opened a much-needed door to cancer patients and the therapies that could be offered to them. “Practitioners finally had a key indicator on how melanoma could spread,” says Dr. Ilyas. “And, that’s not just for melanoma. MIA may play a role in other malignancies such as squamous cell carcinoma, cervical cancer, lung cancer, and esophageal cancer—which is incredible and valuable knowledge that can save lives.”

MELANOMA
What Is Melanoma Inhibitory Activity?
The MIA protein impacts how melanoma spreads. Here's what you need to know.
by Andrea Dawn Clark Health Writer
GettyImages-1048156970-3000x2000.jpg

GettyImages/Benjamin Toth
September 1, 2022

ONE OF THE scariest aspects of most any cancer diagnosis is having to face the possibility of the disease spreading throughout your body. In the case of melanoma, a potentially life-threatening form of skin cancer that starts in your pigment-making cells (or melanocytes), it’s an especially pressing concern as melanoma tends to spread faster than other types of skin cancer, per the American Cancer Society.


That’s why researchers are focused on staying a step ahead of the disease. One way they’re looking to do that is by potentially blocking and regulating a key element which contributes to melanoma’s spread—namely, the melanoma inhibitory activity (MIA) protein.

“Melanoma inhibitory activity, or MIA, is a protein involved in the metastasis, or spread, and immunosuppression in melanoma,” explains Hysem Eldik, M.D., a board-certified dermatologist at Marmur Medical in New York City. In other words, the MIA protein, which is secreted by melanoma tumor cells, not only fuels the progression of the cancer, but also suppresses the immune system’s ability to fight it. A double jeopardy for your cancer prognosis, indeed.

Remind Me: What Are the Causes and Symptoms of Melanoma?
Basically, melanoma forms when melanocytes grow out of control. This can occur wherever these pigment-making cells exist in the body—and that’s not only on the stretches of skin that get the most sunshine: In rare cases, melanoma can also occur in the melanocytes under your nails, inside your eye, or within the mucus lining of your nose, throat, or GI tract.

So, what influences melanocytes to go haywire? “The development of melanoma is thought to be through a combination of genetic and environmental factors,” explains Erum Ilyas, M.D., a board-certified dermatologist with the Schweiger Dermatology Group in King of Prussia, PA. Genetics plays a role in who develops melanoma in that this cancer can run in families, and those with fair skin and/or more moles are at higher risk for it. As for the environmental part of the equation, exposure to ultraviolet (UV) rays from sunlight or tanning beds is known to increase your risk.

Frequently, the first signs of melanoma are a change in an existing mole or the formation of an unusual-looking or strangely-pigmented mole. “It most often presents as a changing or darkening mole or freckle however it can present without pigment as well,” says Dr. Ilyas.

Dermatologists recommend assessing any suspicious growths with the same ABCDE checklist that they themselves employ to identify melanomas. “We use this acronym to remind people to look for an [A] asymmetrical shape, borders that are irregular, [C] colors that are uneven or dark, a [D] diameter that’s larger than six millimeters, and [E] evolving signs and symptoms,” says Dr. Eldik. “It’s also important to mention that about 25% of melanomas arise within pre-existing moles. This means that just because you have had a spot since childhood or adolescence does not mean it cannot become melanoma.” The remaining 75% of melanomas will be growths that appear anew.

Your dermatologist can remove any suspicious moles or growths and send them to a lab for a biopsy. If melanoma is detected, the next step is to determine which stage of development the cancer is in to guide the best course of treatment. In its most advanced stage, that is, stage 4, the melanoma is said to have metastasized, meaning that it has spread to other organs and is not considered curable.

While that may sound harrowing, early detection and treatment of melanoma can maximize one’s chance of making a full recovery. That’s why experts recommend monthly self-checks of your skin and having a standing appointment with your dermatologist for an annual skin-cancer screening.

Understanding the MIA Protein and Its Link to Melanoma
Ready for a quick biochemistry lesson? It’s important to note that the MIA protein which appears to accelerate melanoma is “absent in normal human melanocytes,” per a study in the journal Carcinogenesis. In other words, research shows that the MIA protein is produced once a malignant melanoma tumor has formed but markedly absent in both benign tumors and normal skin biopsies.

While Dr. Ilyas notes that there are not a lot of research on what actually induces the release of MIA, we do know how it works: “In melanoma, MIA is believed to regulate a protein called p54, which works in the nucleus of skin cells, potentially upregulating cell turnover,” she explains. Think of it as a deadly domino effect—MIA nudges p54 into action and it’s p54 that spurs the cancerous cells to proliferate and thereby speed the growth of melanoma.

In addition, this same process lowers your immune system’s response to melanoma by inhibiting cellular anti-tumor reactions. “This helps increase the spread by decreasing the body’s defense systems,” says Dr. Ilyas
 

I've been on ice off and on all day.

This thing he took out of my neck has left one hell of a bruising. My sister asked wtf because it's really terrible under the bandage when we changed it. It's not hot to the touch nor oozy, just hurts like I got hit with a hammer. :unhappy:

I sent the picture through their portal to see if we need to do more than ice and Tylenol. I've felt like I have the flu since Thursday but assumed it was just the autoimmune reaction to the surgeries. My arm looks pink and beautiful, this neck looks awful.

Any suggestions from others would be helpful.
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Not feeling well at all today.
Hopefully Dad isn't such a handful as the past many days. I just want hot chicken tea and a comfy sweater.

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No antibiotics. Waiting for them to contact me :(
I know I'm probably just being an overcautious mom here, but that location is awfully close to your heart. Part of what concerns me is you had removals. That's all healing now and should not be causing you to feel hot unless something else is going on, like the flu.

You know when to head to the ER? A quick google shows to look out for red streaks near the site, or if you have difficulty breathing or a high fever (what defines a high fever is left open).

I'm concerned about your temp and level of exhaustion. Your body is working hard. A "quick" 4 hour trip to the ER might be warranted if your doc is not getting back to you. You can call the ER first to talk to them and let them know if you're coming.
 
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I know I'm probably just being an overcautious mom here, but that location is awfully close to your heart. Part of what concerns me is you had removals. That's all healing now and should not be causing you to feel hot unless something else is going on, like the flu.

You know when to head to the ER? A quick google shows to look out for red streaks near the site, or if you have difficulty breathing or a high fever (what defines a high fever is left open).

I'm concerned about your temp and level of exhaustion. Your body is working hard. A "quick" 4 hour trip to the ER might be warranted if your doc is not getting back to you. You can call the ER first to talk to them and let them know if you're coming.
I appreciate your concerns, and especially you weighing in with ideas too. ♡
Temperature is 95.4, BP is a great 132/67 :)
The ice and Tylenol seem to help. The redness is splotchy, the bruise is nasty dark, and it's my primary concern because it generally means blood going there.

I also agree with you about location, but in relation to where our lynthnodes are in that area rather than my heart.

It's been a conundrum all around. Wishing it away hasn't been effective. ;)
 
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Onward and upward:D

After going to an emergency office visit at the surgeons my red and bruised clavicle is not an infection. Rather he said the redness is a reaction to the gel they put on my stitches and the adhesive on the waterproof bandages. My arm is starting to do the same but with less bruising.

He tells me the bruising is natural, though more so than some he's seen. Tylenol and ice going forward but to still watch for any signs of infection. Whew.

Another uplifting bit of news too. My test results were in when I went to the visit.

The capsule removed from my clavicle is a ruptured epidermoid cyst with extention into the peripheral...meaning they'll watch it and have to take more if it comes back. These tend to be noncancerous nuisances. Further testing on why my system keeps making keratin and pigmentation cells in excess. Which makes sense that they want to find the "connection" relative to all.

I still go back in October to follow up in a few different directions. The results of the melanoma in my arm has clear margins. I get it and the one on my back checked in a year.

It may be hard for others to understand why this news would excite me, however fighting an unseen opponent is exhausting. Now I have hope, and hope floats for me. ♡

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