Thinking Things That Aren't About Me, Are

[Holden On]

Here's something about myself that I absolutely can't stand. I tend to read too much into things and take them personally. I wrote a bit about this in my blog, but really what made me want to start this thread was something I noticed recently in another forum.

On that forum, there is a thread wherein forum members are encouraged to write message intended for another member, but without stating that member's name. It leads to a lot of passive aggressive behavior, which surprised me a little since that is against the rules on this board... evidently over there it's not. But whatever. That's not the point. The point is, that when I see negative things in that thread that could possibly pertain to me but most likely don't, I can't shake the feeling that they are about me. I know it's ridiculous, but I just can't help it. I think it's a combination of J, which makes it annoying for me when I don't know who the messages are directed at, and shadow Ne, which allows me sense others' emotions but then causes me to assume the negative things are about me.

Does anyone else experience this? How do you deal with it? Is it an INFJ thing? (and does my reasoning about J and Ne make any sense?? )

 

[TinyBubbles]

well think about it this way, even if they are about you, at least the authors care enough not to want to hurt you further by addressing the messages directly to you. it might just serve as a cathartic release for them, rather than anything intended to offend you (oddly enough).

anyway i think it's pretty normal to take such things personally, it's probably not a "J" thing, cause I feel that way too sometimes. try not to worry about it. if it's really causing you distress, talk to them about it. it would alleviate your negative feelings somewhat, even if the conversation doesn't turn out as you'd hoped.

 

[Questingpoet]

You could look at our "Dear So and So" thread in the same way. But ours has never said that it was only to members. It can be to anyone really. I don't think I've really seen it abused.

I know when I was younger I took things a LOT more personally. I think that's something that INFJ's (and people in general) get better with as they age. After a while, I just got sick of the worry associated with it. That's not much help I know, but maybe it gives you a light at the end of a tunnel to shoot for. Remember, in 100 years we'll all be dead anyways!

 

[Holden On]

I mean... in my brain I know they're not about me. Except when they are. But just the little voice in the back of my mind can't help wondering. Crikey. :eyeroll: at myself and my own foolishness.

 

[Questingpoet]

I don't know that I would call it foolish. Most INFJ's feel this way at some point in their life. I've always maintained that knowing something and believing it are often two separate things. They come from two different parts of the brain. Sometimes the knowing is followed much later by the believing. What you are really feeling, I think, is the voice of your own subconscious passing judgement on yourself. If you can make peace with that, the outside worlds views on you won't matter so much.

 

[Trifoilum]

Yeah, been there, done that. Especially when your friends were the poster. I went panicking, thinking what might have gone wrong, what did I do and everything related.

I think insecurity is humane, especially to INFJs. We're generally more adapted to catch other's vibe, either positive or negative *but more negative, I would suggest*

I think it goes like this. Fe catches the negative vibe, Ni quickly drives it personal >> Ti analyzes what's wrong >> Shadow Ne give 'suggestions' about what might have gone wrong >> Shadow Fi OMGing >> Se panicking >> Shadow Si remembering what had happened and EVERYTHING BAD

 

[Acid Bubble]

I think it goes like this. Fe catches the negative vibe, Ni quickly drives it personal >> Ti analyzes what's wrong >> Shadow Ne give 'suggestions' about what might have gone wrong >> Shadow Fi OMGing >> Se panicking >> Shadow Si remembering what had happened and EVERYTHING BAD

This is the exact same thing that happened to me all throughout middle school; funny how it makes sense now. I used to get bullied a lot and, in my lack of maturity, became severely paranoid and worrysome. A bunch of people across the room whispering to each other? They must be talking about me. A group of people approaching me? They must be up to no good. This sort of convoluted thinking went on just about every school day for about three years; naturally my life was made miserable.

Eventually I clawed my way out of my own prison, more because I couldn't take the constant worrying anymore. My paranoia largely dissipated, though it always lingers in the back of my mind. I think this is natural for INFJs. I still care too much about what people think of me, much to my annoyance, but I've slowly gotten better at that with maturity. I really try not to get upset unless I know it was directed at me (reining in my Ni, in other words).

 

[NeverAmI]

When it comes to passive aggressive behavior, it is pretty annoying for almost anyone I would think.

For me, I personally welcome constructive criticism, I might be a bit snarky in receiving, but eventually I would thank someone for being honest.

I seek growth. Naturally, I want to be the best I can in every aspect possible. I am sometimes hyper-alert to potentials for personal improvement, those eventually grow into insecurities. Much like mowing the lawn, I have to regularly trim those insecurities to ensure they do not fester.

When I am stressed, I don't maintain that upkeep and so that hyper-sensitivity tends to run rampant.

When someone is passive aggressive, it makes things even worse:

"What, you don't have the character to confront me directly? Why say anything at all? I don't deserve your opinion, so I have to find out in roundabout methods and expend all this energy just because you can't face me?"

 

[Holden On]

Thanks to all who chimed in... it helps just to know I'm not the only one who does this. As much as I wish I didn't, I do care what people think of me. Naturally, I care more about what those close to me think than people I don't know, but people I don't know can still get to me. Ugh.

 

[Acid Bubble]

Thanks to all who chimed in... it helps just to know I'm not the only one who does this. As much as I wish I didn't, I do care what people think of me. Naturally, I care more about what those close to me think than people I don't know, but people I don't know can still get to me. Ugh.

Frustrating, isn't it? It's probably the one thing I'd like to change about myself the most, but I've only partially succeeded so far. My Ti is quite developed and I'm able to detach myself and look at things from a logical standpoint, but my Fe still stands screaming in the background, often unable to be ignored.