The usefulness of an unusefull person

[Serval]

I don't really know why i can't understand myself, a sentence, a scientific explanation, a word, the world and many other things.
Seeing that i can't do so, i feel stupid, hopeless, unworthy, and unuseful.
Feelings that differ from my thoughts that, without a guide or a strand, lose themselve in a labyrinth of pure meaningless.

 

[ReasonEnduring]

No human is useless or worthless.

Everyone can contribute to the community and therefore has worth.

Be it through hard work, assisting charities and feeding and clothing the needy, to working hard to keep industry running, to speaking with people and leading or supporting people mentally. It could be in the arts, through song, music, painting, stories, tales and words.

Everyone has a skill that can benefit society.

Once you find your skill hone it and present it to the world.

Through your passion and hard work you will find people respect you an your talent, and through that you can respect yourself.

 

[Wyote]

You should try to be more useless. That would be something to behold.

 

[Serval]

No human is useless or worthless.

Everyone can contribute to the community and therefore has worth.

Be it through hard work, assisting charities and feeding and clothing the needy, to working hard to keep industry running, to speaking with people and leading or supporting people mentally. It could be in the arts, through song, music, painting, stories, tales and words.

Everyone has a skill that can benefit society.

Once you find your skill hone it and present it to the world.

Through your passion and hard work you will find people respect you an your talent, and through that you can respect yourself.

I can't see what skills i could have, being a mass of selfhate? A reminder of what you don't have to be in society? A manual on how to destroy yourself? I am very good at those things, sadly, those are not skills, but shackles i put on myself, alas the saddest thing is that i can't find the key.
My tests at school aren't very good, i usually don't help others, and i am not even very good at the things i "like" to do.

 

[Serval]

You should try to be more useless. That would be something to behold.

I am afraid i am not in control of those things

 

[Wyote]

I am afraid i am not in control of those things

Well there's your problem

 

[Serval]

Well there's your problem

By this i mean i can't be someone else and that the world, its will is not mine, i am not God, i am just a part of it.

 

[ReasonEnduring]

I can't see what skills i could have, being a mass of selfhate? A reminder of what you don't have to be in society? A manual on how to destroy yourself? I am very good at those things, sadly, those are not skills, but shackles i put on myself, alas the saddest thing is that i can't find the key.
My tests at school aren't very good, i usually don't help others, and i am not even very good at the things i "like" to do.

The question is, do you want to make a change.

Making changes are hard, I know. But you have to want it. Others can open a door for you but you have to want to talk through it.

Consider doing some charity work. Find a good charity that does something you can do, even if its its a tour guide at a historical site.

You'll meet people, get a sense of self.

Even if you skills have yet to be found an able body is always welcome.

But you have to want to make a change. The power is in your hands. Stay home and self loathe, or move forward and live for others. Even if you hate yourself, commit your life to supporting other people and do some good, rather than waste time on hating without doing anything.

 

[Serval]

The question is, do you want to make a change.

Making changes are hard, I know. But you have to want it. Others can open a door for you but you have to want to talk through it.

Consider doing some charity work. Find a good charity that does something you can do, even if its its a tour guide at a historical site.

You'll meet people, get a sense of self.

Even if you skills have yet to be found an able body is always welcome.

But you have to want to make a change. The power is in your hands. Stay home and self loathe, or move forward and live for others. Even if you hate yourself, commit your life to supporting other people and do some good, rather than waste time on hating without doing anything.

My will is non existent, if i try and want to help someone else i end up screwing up, i become reluctant and i distance myself, i begin to question others and myself.
I desperately want to live with others and for others, but overthinking about the future, almost not being happy with anything or being sad with everything, not understanding things or not being able to widen my knowledge throws me in the limitless world of possibilities when i try to find or to discover something i can relzte as true.

 

[Serval]

Despite trying to do something, i feel like i can only destroy it

 

[Wyote]

Despite trying to do something, i feel like i can only destroy it

By this i mean i can't be someone else and that the world, its will is not mine, i am not God, i am just a part of it.

Ah yes, Serval: destroyer of worlds
Pretty badass, and you aren't even trying!

 

[Serval]

Ah yes, Serval: destroyer of worlds
Pretty badass, and you aren't even trying!

I don't mean it that way: for destroying i mean escape from it, out of pure stupidity i destoy a possibility, a line, a path.
I am sorry if i couldn't convey my insecurities.

 

[Wyote]

I don't mean it that way: for destroying i mean escape from it, out of pure stupidity i destoy a possibility, a line, a path.
I am sorry if i couldn't convey my insecurities.

Serval: the court jester of world destruction
Seems bettter tbh

 

[Wyote]

Serval: the court jester of world destruction
Seems bettter tbh

We all do stupid shit due to our own ignorance. We're just sort of a bunch of bumbling idiots pretending to be competent.
There's no reason to beat yourself up for having an awareness of your own idiocy, if anything it's helpful when harnessed correctly.
But you just want to play the victim card and not do the difficult things in life.
Which is most people anyway, so really you're just the same as anyone.

 

[slant]

Hello everyone, i didn't check up my account from a long time, and here i am again, i ask you sincerely, what do you personally think you would have done or would do (faint hope) if you could grasp the light, or the power of usefulness?
I usually am very hard on myself, uselessly, you can't grow anything from a hard and dry soil, i tell myself, you have to let the water pass throug you, i beg myself, you don't need fear if you don't accept hope, i scar (not literally, i create, i would say a bouncing memory) myself.
I might just be exaggerating things, i could not see what IS and misunderstood it for what May be, but i don't feel like fight to exist, to survive, because i tend to separate myself from what i do.
I just think i am not useful to anyone, i just make others suffer, it is not other's fault, but i can't see how it can only be mine, the vines and roots that connects everything isn't under anything but itself.
So from the mumbling of a stupid kid, may you give him some advise, may you bright his sight with guiding lights in the darkness of his arrogant mind, may you, o kind counselors, help him to help himself?

Self compassion and self trust are what you need to develop. Self trust:

Knowing that no matter what happens you can handle it and will find a way. That's vital. You have to have that troubleshooting mindset and not fall into learned helplessness .

Something isn't going right? It's great you noticed. Instead of:

Things aren't going my way and it's my fault! There is no way out because of who I am! The problem is me!

Try this on for size:

I'm frustrated. Things aren't going the way I wanted them to. What can I do now? Let me brainstorm what to do. Even if I cannot solve this problem I can tend to my emotions so I do not feel so bad. It okay to feel bad, but I don't want to be stuck in it. I want to move forward. What can I do to move forward? I know I can figure this out. I will be alright. I believe in my capacity to handle anything.

I truly believe being stuck in your head and not acting is the source of much internal agony.

Okay so that's self trust.

Here's a stab at self compassion:

I'm feeling badly right now. This doesn't feel good at all. Isn't it hard when things don't work out the way that I want them to? I'm allowed to have this feeling. I am going to feel how I feel right now. This IS hard. Of course I feel badly! How can I help myself through this difficult emotion? What can I do to make myself feel safe and taken care of right now?

Self compassion has the action element too. You love yourself so you want to care about your feelings and acknowledge them. Self compassion is about creating distance between your thoughts and emotions. Knowing that they don't control you or make you who you are; we all have thoughts and feelings we don't want to have.

I'll share something personal to illustrate this.

I keep having this mean thought.

"I hope x gets the corona virus and dies. Then I won't have to deal with x anymore."

I always feel so TERRIBLE when that thought enters my head! I don't really want that to happen. My emotions are expressing how stressful dealing with this person is. All I want is for them to go away.

It's a mean thought, but it's not ME. it's just a thought I have and I let go of it. Sometimes I even see it as funny how melodramatic my subconscious can be.

Try not to take your thoughts so seriously. It helps.

 

[Serval]

We all do stupid shit due to our own ignorance. We're just sort of a bunch of bumbling idiots pretending to be competent.
There's no reason to beat yourself up for having an awareness of your own idiocy, if anything it's helpful when harnessed correctly.
But you just want to play the victim card and not do the difficult things in life.
Which is most people anyway, so really you're just the same as anyone.

I knew you would have said that, i am sorry if you think that i feel like a victim, i know i am not, i just become one, not because i want to, i don't anyone to pity me or things like that, i just wanted to know your opinions on these feelings of mine, that unfortunately bring me sadness because of my lack of achievements.
I don't think i am different from others, i just appreciate listening to others rather than speak, i like their thoughts, their ways but strangely an irrational feeling makes me see myself in a different way, it doesn't make sense, and i feel like i can't control what i can be. But i'll try to be.

 

[Rit4lin]

Out of curiosity @Serval , how old are you if you don't mind my asking? You mentioned in your first post that you're a 'kid'.

 

[Serval]

Out of curiosity @Serval , how old are you if you don't mind my asking? You mentioned in your first post that you're a 'kid'.

For curiosity's sake i am 17, i already said that in other posts.
For kid i meant i am not able to see a road for my future, i still depend on others (i wonder who wouldn't, internet, your bed, your food is the work of others) and i don't feel like i can contribute on this endless and beautiful cycle.

 

[Wyote]

I knew you would have said that, i am sorry if you think that i feel like a victim, i know i am not, i just become one, not because i want to, i don't anyone to pity me or things like that, i just wanted to know your opinions on these feelings of mine, that unfortunately bring me sadness because of my lack of achievements.
I don't think i am different from others, i just appreciate listening to others rather than speak, i like their thoughts, their ways but strangely an irrational feeling makes me see myself in a different way, it doesn't make sense, and i feel like i can't control what i can be. But i'll try to be.

I knew you'd say this

 

[Serval]

Self compassion and self trust are what you need to develop. Self trust:

Knowing that no matter what happens you can handle it and will find a way. That's vital. You have to have that troubleshooting mindset and not fall into learned helplessness .

Something isn't going right? It's great you noticed. Instead of:

Things aren't going my way and it's my fault! There is no way out because of who I am! The problem is me!

Try this on for size:

I'm frustrated. Things aren't going the way I wanted them to. What can I do now? Let me brainstorm what to do. Even if I cannot solve this problem I can tend to my emotions so I do not feel so bad. It okay to feel bad, but I don't want to be stuck in it. I want to move forward. What can I do to move forward? I know I can figure this out. I will be alright. I believe in my capacity to handle anything.

I truly believe being stuck in your head and not acting is the source of much internal agony.

Okay so that's self trust.

Here's a stab at self compassion:

I'm feeling badly right now. This doesn't feel good at all. Isn't it hard when things don't work out the way that I want them to? I'm allowed to have this feeling. I am going to feel how I feel right now. This IS hard. Of course I feel badly! How can I help myself through this difficult emotion? What can I do to make myself feel safe and taken care of right now?

Self compassion has the action element too. You love yourself so you want to care about your feelings and acknowledge them. Self compassion is about creating distance between your thoughts and emotions. Knowing that they don't control you or make you who you are; we all have thoughts and feelings we don't want to have.

I'll share something personal to illustrate this.

I keep having this mean thought.

"I hope x gets the corona virus and dies. Then I won't have to deal with x anymore."

I always feel so TERRIBLE when that thought enters my head! I don't really want that to happen. My emotions are expressing how stressful dealing with this person is. All I want is for them to go away.

It's a mean thought, but it's not ME. it's just a thought I have and I let go of it. Sometimes I even see it as funny how melodramatic my subconscious can be.

Try not to take your thoughts so seriously. It helps.

I already ried to do these things, but i feel like i keep falling in this recurring state, as if i didn't even bother the time passing.