The question of Love...

You only really love someone if they betray you and you are willing to work it out.
 
I guess, what I'm trying to say is, that if you love someone... They'll try to follow your path and you'll try to follow their path and both end up somewhere entirely different.
 
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And again, I should say it's not different from what you each want, but different from your expectations.
 
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Von Hase said:
Then INFJs love often and deeply, because I don't know of any of us that aren't willing to work it out when betrayed once we commit to someone.
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I'm surprised we aren't required by law to get "broken heart insurance."
 
Von Hase said:
Then INFJs love often and deeply, because I don't know of any of us that aren't willing to work it out when betrayed once we commit to someone.
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+3
 
Von Hase said:
Then INFJs love often and deeply, because I don't know of any of us that aren't willing to work it out when betrayed once we commit to someone.
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This is why I won't commit in the first place. Why work something out,despite of loving that other person, if the other person doesn't feel the same way? It's like smashing your head into the wall and expecting flowers to grow out of it.

I think that as a result of having loved many times and being betrayed that many times back, we build a shell so no one is able to penetrate it because we know that other people in the future will betray us somehow.At least that's how I see it.
 
Last Dawn said:
Why work something out,despite of loving that other person, if the other person doesn't feel the same way? It's like smashing your head into the wall and expecting flowers to grow out of it.
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Love the analogy. It explains INFj frustrations with unreciprocated love quite well.
 
Last Dawn said:
This is why I won't commit in the first place. Why work something out,despite of loving that other person, if the other person doesn't feel the same way? It's like smashing your head into the wall and expecting flowers to grow out of it...
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I agree in that I would never chase after someone who wasn't interested in me.
And maybe it's just me, but I could never resolve a relationship with anyone who cheated on or really betrayed me in some way. I'd never trust them again. We might remain civil to each other, but that'd be it. And I'd expect the same thing from them.
 
Last Dawn said:
This is why I won't commit in the first place. Why work something out,despite of loving that other person, if the other person doesn't feel the same way? It's like smashing your head into the wall and expecting flowers to grow out of it.

I think that as a result of having loved many times and being betrayed that many times back, we build a shell so no one is able to penetrate it because we know that other people in the future will betray us somehow.At least that's how I see it.
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Well then maybe what's wrong is what you regard as betrayal. I mean nobody's perfect. Just because someone's hurt you once, it doesn't necessarily mean that they're bond to do it again. Not if they love you enough to change.
 
For me, if I'm willing to walk with you, it means I'm willing to be with you. "Being with you" suggests complete submission, and "walk with you" suggests that you're still (as you mentioned earlier) separate and distinct, possibly on different paths. But it's not so simple. If I walk with you then I'm with you. They are one and the same. To use an extreme example, if I'm with you but you're abusive then I should walk away. It wouldn't be fair to expect someone to continue being with you in this case simply because they promised to be with you all the way. So, yeah, I'll walk with you to show that I am with you but I'm still separate and distinct. (Edited)
 
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foureyes said:
Well then maybe what's wrong is what you regard as betrayal. I mean nobody's perfect. Just because someone's hurt you once, it doesn't necessarily mean that they're bond to do it again. Not if they love you enough to change.
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Yeah, I completely agree with you on that, except that it's really hard to overrule your mind when all the experiences I've had are negative, and believe me, I've tried to change in respect to having more trust on my relationships. However, I always end up feeling very suspicious of other peoples intentions.
 
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