The INFJ's Inner and Outer Selves

[Broken705]

Thanks, @Sonya ! You inspired this thread.

My inner and outer selves don't match.

There seems to be two phases of the outer self. There's one where I'm speaking to people and often joking around with them, which most people IRL seem to like, and then there's one where I've spaced out..I do that a lot during the day. Even if I'm at work, if nobody is around talking to me, then I'm "not there". My body is there, and I'm doing what I'm supposed to do, but it's on auto pilot. *Edit- Technically, this isn't an "outer self", but people can still see a "shell".

I used to think it was Ni that caused my mind to wander, but I don't know- still not 100% convinced that I'm an INFJ. Unfortunatley, when people see this spaced-out phase, they seem to get a little creeped out by it. More recenlty, I've tried not to do that when I'm in public, but it's hard.

My voice is deep and almost monotone sounding. My inner monologue is the exact opposite. What is seen online is actually closer to the "real me" than what people see IRL. Some of my closest friends and family would undoubtedly be surprised to see some of the things that I've written online. They wouldn't think that I'm the type to say such things.

Do INFJs here relate? What's your inner and outer selves like?

 

[ceri]

There seems to be two phases of the outer self. There's one where I'm speaking to people and often joking around with them, which most people IRL seem to like, and then there's one where I've spaced out..I do that a lot during the day. Even if I'm at work, if nobody is around talking to me, then I'm "not there". My body is there, and I'm doing what I'm supposed to do, but it's on auto pilot.

I can relate 100% to this; I am like that everyday.

Unfortunatley, when people see this spaced-out phase, they seem to get a little creeped out by it.

Fortunately for me, I tend to hang with the same groups of people and I assume they are used to it (and understand it's just how I am) as they don't seem to mind at all.

 

[randomsomeone]

I have an inner and outer self, for sure, but for me both are highly active....related, but very different. The outer is very busy, the inner is very still, yet dynamic in its own way. The outer has plans and agendas, the inner does not....it is simply "connected" to greater realities and truths.

I could continue a further description, but I'm quite sure you'd think I'm nuts.

 

[dream echo]

I know I'm rarely what I appear to be.
People seem to view me as more independent and outgoing than I really am.
When people get to know me,
they realize that my inner self is much more quiet and contemplative,
although I don't allow many people in.
It's not as though I'm trying to be dishonest, but I feel the need to protect myself.
So I wear the mask.

 

[justeccentricnotinsane]

I have about ten selves! I think of all of them as being me, though, it's just that different parts of me are used in different situations. My inner self is logical, unemotional and hard-edged, but this rarely makes an appearance in the outside world. In most situations where I do not know people well I am extremely polite, smile and laugh a lot, but don't start conversation. With my bf - who I'd say I was the most myself around - I am a number of things. I tend to swing from childishly zany and very, very playful to being very logical and political. The two are still me. With one of my friends, the one who likes gossip, I'm a gossiper. I'm a gossiper anyway, part of me is, it's just that most people don't want to know so I keep quiet except around her. However, she tends not to see zany me or political me. She would find political me irritating and, although I'm pretty sure she'd like zany me, I'm finding it difficult to let that bit of me out. My family tend to see responsible but overly emotional me.

So yeah - there's loads of mes. I just tend to think of them as all being me but in different ways. It gets awkward, though, if my gossipy friend is with me around my family and my boyfriend and I start acting in a way I can around them then look to gossipy friend, see shock on her face, and think "oh yeah, I don't do that here".