The Burnout Cycle of INFJ's

[Basileaux]

Some of the posts actually made me shiver and not want to really be here at all. Since the Fall of '08 I started doing some community outreach projects. I held a concert for _____ and afterwards I hit this intense burn-out. My head had a headache, and I felt physically exhausted.

Ever since then, the cycles of burn-outs have been more and more rapid until the point where just spending time w/ a "friend" would make me want to shut in for days. i feel like I grow in terms of relaxing my expectations of myself after each of these periods. I feel like they point out something wrong in my approach to life and I can slip a little bit away from this false approach after each episode. I've seen one friend in the past 3 weeks and this is the healthiest I've been in years.

 

[Flavus Aquila]

Bump

 

[Dianne]

this is me
smaller scale, obz because I'm only 20 years old... but yes
uuuuughhh WHY CAN NOBODY LOVE ME BACK LIKE I LOVE THEM
it kills me

I feel you. But not everyone will change for us or in this case, be at par on what we expect them to be. That's a sad reality. Coping is the answer but it's never easy

 

[Dianne]

I think a big part of it is that being an INFJ means very few people will understand you whilst you understand most people. It's nasty to hear someone you love say something that sounds so close...and yet that tiny part that they miss is miles and miles of emotional landscape for you.

THIS!!!!

My roommate, a close friend, is also an INFJ. I think she is having one of these burnouts right now. I am bipolar and I tend to open up to her. She has been my confidant since I thought she understands me best. Then she suddenly wanted to drop me out of her life, or more like not get involved with me much anymore. She called me an emotional vampire I was hurt but now I understand why. I was too busy with myself, with dealing with my chaotic mood swings that I never knew. I should have noticed earlier.

 

[MrSquared]

Well, an INFJ begins helping people with the best of intentions and digging out little pieces of their psyche, rebuilding them emotionally when things have gone poorly and comforting the hurts of the moment. It's one important way that many INFJ's validate themselves and often it becomes a veritable lifelong purpose to see other people healed. If an INFJ is not in good control of themselves and their lives, they begin to seek more and more validation through this healing process and spend more and more time on it until their empathy begins to atrophy and they collapse. The collapse generally means they can take back some control in their lives. It's an excuse to drive away people for long enough to get some space inside their own minds.

I tell myself this all the time... What resides in the internal does not necessarily belong or want to be in the external. And therein lies the struggle. Or at the very least, it's not naturally easy for me to create externally perfect things based on my Ni-Ti. I feel like it takes far more practice for me personally... But I digress. In regards to the kind of burnout you mentioned - Absolutely. The term "idealistic" comes to mind. Show me an INFJ who can properly disengage and separate themselves from those "little pieces" once they've been shared externally, and I'll point to them as mature reference for how to live life. Even in my job as a designer... I sometimes struggle to truly let go of projects which I enjoyed them or highly invested in them.

Provided upbringing and influence negatively impacted the person - It's just not in our nature. I suspect that sooooooo much prior thought goes into these little thought pearls of thought, that we almost expect everyone else to tremble in wonder, or somehow fully understand and appreciate the completeness, variation or complexity of the share. That in and of itself is a big expectation for people in your external.

 

[Ryso89]

THIS!!!!

My roommate, a close friend, is also an INFJ. I think she is having one of these burnouts right now. I am bipolar and I tend to open up to her. She has been my confidant since I thought she understands me best. Then she suddenly wanted to drop me out of her life, or more like not get involved with me much anymore. She called me an emotional vampire I was hurt but now I understand why. I was too busy with myself, with dealing with my chaotic mood swings that I never knew. I should have noticed earlier.

It's a positive thing though, if you choose to look at it that way. You've probably already been through this, but explain to her your side of things, why you are the way you are. Hopefully you both can resume in time.

 

[j75ejcyj7]

There's a type of burnout lately that I've noticed is fairly unique to INFJ's and ENFJ's but with INFJ's it's got it's own unique flavor. ENFJ's can go out and get lots of support from their friends and be relatively alright. INFJ's have to do one of the hardest things in the world to prevent their burnouts. They have to say 'no' to the pain of other people.

Now, what do I mean by burn out? Well, an INFJ begins helping people with the best of intentions and digging out little pieces of their psyche, rebuilding them emotionally when things have gone poorly and comforting the hurts of the moment. It's one important way that many INFJ's validate themselves and often it becomes a veritable lifelong purpose to see other people healed.

If an INFJ is not in good control of themselves and their lives, they begin to seek more and more validation through this healing process and spend more and more time on it until their empathy begins to atrophy and they collapse. The collapse generally means they can take back some control in their lives. It's an excuse to drive away people for long enough to get some space inside their own minds.

Once the burnout happens it generally takes the form of a fairly dramatic collapse and change in behavior. Some people go mute temporarily. Others just hermit in and close themselves off from people for days or weeks. Once the burn-out is done, the INFJ generally re-emerges a happier and friendlier person...but if the stress isn't off it begins again.

I've been in this cycle before and lemme tell ya, it sucks.

What I want to know is...well, aside the obvious unpleasantness of it...have you noticed long term changes that come out of sliding into this cycle? What are the benefits? What have been your experiences?

This sounds like my entire life. Geeze.

The only benefit is that I usually have some sort of epiphany, which isn't really good actually. It makes me feel like I did work, when I did...then I'm in the cycle again. I can't stand to be around people for too long because of this, I go crazy.

However, I've been living with my partner for 2 years and this burn out process is nonstop. It consumes my life. I was no help. Sorry.

 

[j75ejcyj7]

I think a big part of it is that being an INFJ means very few people will understand you whilst you understand most people. It's nasty to hear someone you love say something that sounds so close...and yet that tiny part that they miss is miles and miles of emotional landscape for you.

THIS struck a cord with me big time!

 

[Calimero]

I'm turning 40 next year. Huray Had somewhat of a burnout last year. I could not switch off after work, Ni kept me up at night etc.
Finally changed jobs : I'm a totally different person now. Lesson learned : do not underestimate the impact of your working or personal environment.
We INFJs have a tendency to relate everything to ourselves and question ourselves or take too much responsibility, but always consider that whatever you're struggling with might not be because of you but entirely because of your environment. Sometimes we need to force ourselves to make a big decision and make a change happen.

 

[Roses In The Vineyard]

This is why having somewhere to escape too is so important unfortunately people these days enjoy being like sardines in a can where there is very little personal space for people to go when they need that alone time.

 

[Pin]

Life is demanding. The world is also not very organized. That leaves individuals with a harrowing task, to impose order on the world. Are you going to clean your room or leave your socks on the floor? Do you have a general idea of where you'd like to be at age 60? It's loosely-related questions like these which sometimes keep me up at night.

I've made a plan for myself to deal with the chaotic nature of life. Things don't always go as planned, however, the general trend is an upward trajectory. I believe that it's possible for INFJs to be less stressed, presuming they preserve their empathy for the future.

You've got to get strong, physically and mentally. A weak person will be too tired to save the world. You can't be mentally strong if you're constantly fixated on other people's problems (individual & collective). Once you've built a strong foundation for yourself in the world, then you can help others in the best possible way(s).