Teenage Love | INFJ Forum

Teenage Love

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by slant, Jan 18, 2010.

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  1. slant

    slant Ruboobie

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    A writing class I took had this as the topic, mostly love, but since it was a room full of teenagers I decided to write this. Needless to say, people in the writing class didn't take to me very well.

    I guess it's basically a big rant, but what are your opinions on it, teenage love, the above caption, etc.?

    Oh and here are my notes that I wrote before writing that piece:

     
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    #1 slant, Jan 18, 2010
    Last edited: Jan 18, 2010
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  2. The Jester

    Did you get that line from a porn movie?
    Because I'd be kind of frightened if my love called me daddy.
     
  3. yumiii

    yumiii Community Member

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    Mmm. Interesting post slant. Although some of what you wrote here are pretty extreme- and I'll get to them later- I have to say I'm generally inclined to agree with your opinion, especially to these points:
    I encountered some of these wayward beliefs- or maybe it's a false hope- among fellow teenagers and it is seriously frustrating and irritating at the same time. Teenagers so easily mistake love for infatuation, it's absurd. I think I wrote something about this back in high school as well.
    Now, with regards to your other comments.
    I'm sorry, but I have to disagree with this and even question your conviction as to why you think it should be dead. I happen to know a couple of male friends who exhibit acts of chivalry. Nevertheless, my question is, why do you think it should be dead?

    I couldn't agree any further. Somehow, some teenagers think that love is almighty and it will save them from anything, like a knight in shining armor who will save the princess from her evil stepmother and the dragon guarding her castle. That's just not the case, and I long ago gave up on trying to explain this to them.

    This is such a wrong concept but it's unfortunately true. I've seen it happen way too often. It's really sad.

    LOL. What? Is this some sort of pick-up line? I have to admit I've never really heard this before.
     
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    #3 yumiii, Jan 18, 2010
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  4. acd

    acd Well-known member

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    I concur, and feel pretty much the way you described about dating in general.
     
  5. bamf

    bamf Is Watching You
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    I agree that love is a choice. My definition of love is different than yours, but it most definitely is a conscious decision one makes.
     
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  6. OP
    slant

    slant Ruboobie

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    I don't even believe in love.
     
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  7. acd

    acd Well-known member

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    Love isn't like religion, you don't have to believe in it. It's something you experience and know exists every so often. It's abstract in that the definition varies between people, but it's not intangible.

    I don't blame you for not believing though, because you disagree with the commercialized definition. But the first step is at least being able to disagree.
    When you renounce something, you're tied to it. At least be open to the possibility in your life of the experience, and you're free to feel and express it as you do. I'm not trying to tell you that you ought to yearn for romantic love, but I think you're capable of having deep connections with other people in your own ways.
     
    #7 acd, Jan 19, 2010
    Last edited: Jan 19, 2010
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  8. bamf

    bamf Is Watching You
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    ^^^The essence of what love is^^^
     
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  9. Shai Gar

    Shai Gar Guest

    +++++
     
  10. Faye

    Faye ^_^
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    There is a difference between romantic love and loving kindness or love in general. I don't think that there is anything wrong with teenage love (romantic love) just because it isn't romantic love or the love that you have with someone after being happily married for 40 years. To the contrary, teenage love is a step that leads toward that kind of love.

    I've made the mistake of trying to force a deeper level of love than was appropriate at the time. When I didn't feel anything, I learned that there is a very crude, animalistic, uncontrollable aspect to romantic relationships that must be satisfied before any more intellectually auspicious feelings can be felt.
     
  11. Gaze

    Donor

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    Yes.
     
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  12. Trifoilum

    Trifoilum find wisdom, build hope.

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    I have to agreed. :p
    Still, THAT kind of love isn't very bad either. Some romantic love ain't that...bad, at least if both parties are genuine. :| And at least the premise seems very, very tempting to those who haven't experienced it... Until reality bitchslaps them in the face.

    Interestingly (or sadly) is that there are people who longed for that kind of relationship, they abandoned every other type of relationships; being thought as unimportant, or can be easily changed, but that love --theirs-- is forever and EVER till death do them part.

    sort of --sort of-- heard this before, but it's within a gay relationship between (yes) olderxyounger. It gives EERIE implications. >_>;
     
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    #12 Trifoilum, Jan 19, 2010
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  13. GaiaGraha

    GaiaGraha Community Member

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    Slant, I think that you are very right in a lot of ways.
    Except I do think it is possible to feel "love" as a teenager- passionate love, because you can still have all of the physiological things (like all the physical feelings caused by hormones, chemicals, etc, that translate into emotional feelings) at that age. However I do not believe that you can find the person to spend the rest of your life with at that age- you are still developing, you aren't done becoming who you are.

    This makes me think of Sternberg's Triangle:


    Triangular_Theory_of_Love.gif


    1. Intimacy – Encompasses feelings of closeness, connectedness, and bondedness.
    2. Passion – Encompasses drives that lead to romance, physical attraction, and sexual consummation.
    3. Commitment – Encompasses, in the short term, the decision to remain with another, and in the long term, the shared achievements and plans made with that other.

    I think this is relevant to this discussion. :)

    I think that "infatuation" can describe the type of love that most teenagers mistake for "being in love with their soulmate!!!!"
     
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    #13 GaiaGraha, Jan 25, 2010
    Last edited: Jan 25, 2010
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  14. WhiteWolf

    WhiteWolf Community Member

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    My view of things.

    I'm Dutch and we don't have a single word for love like you have in English.

    We got "Verliefd", meaning the feeling of being in love. you know, the body chemistry bit, the butterflies in your stomach, wobbly knees your heart racing.

    And the other is "Houden van", meaning to love.
    This I see as the deeper part of love, the true kind, the one you would have with your "soul mate".
    But you also have a variant of it with your family, your parents, siblings. That you care for them no matter what.
    To me saying love doesn’t exists seems ignorant (no offence to anyone).
    Its just that I have seen it in abundance with my grandparents, and my parents. The willingness to put up with your loved ones flaws, to have this deep sense of belonging with each other, to stay together through rough times. My grandparents really loved each other to the end, my grandfather still lives but he has his hard times when he misses his wife.

    To me it seems that love usually first comes with "feeling in love" and that that can become "being in love".

    EDIT: interesting vid
    Helen Fisher: The brain in love [ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OYfoGTIG7pY"]YouTube- Helen Fisher: The brain in love[/ame]
     
    #14 WhiteWolf, Jan 25, 2010
    Last edited: Jan 25, 2010
  15. Pristinegirl

    Pristinegirl Well-known member

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    I see your point, in most cases it is not love. What many see as teenage love is simply a teenage wasteland of romance. However, there are those really rare cases of love!

    WOW! :m049:
    It ain't over till the last man falls!! As long as long as one man remembers it. But I can agree that it is very rare. AND PLEASE JUSTIFY WHY THE HECK IT SHOULD BE DEAD?!?

    True. Those who can control their lust are more likely to experience love.

    Indirectly it is their fault, but sometimes you simply cannot predict the future with the given knowledge at the time... Yet you think that if e.g. a person starts out loving someone kind who then suddently steepturns into a jerk, it is their fault??!??

    It is unfortunately. Everyday is valentines day!

    Wow who are you?! You are not pessimistic. Although you are not realistic either. You lost faith in love. You must have just had your heart broken.

    Who is to say you cannot do all of those :) And not to mention With love!


    Love is when illusion becomes reality. Quoting Dr. Seuss:
     
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  16. OP
    slant

    slant Ruboobie

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    Because chivalry is lame.
     
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  17. acd

    acd Well-known member

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    +1
     
  18. wide-eyed optimist

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    My parents are high school sweethearts, actually. Met their junior year in high school. They've been married for 25 years and love each other very much. But I think that's rare, and in most cases, you're right. People often confuse lust with love.
     
  19. Celsius100

    Celsius100 Community Member

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    It's certainly possible for things to turn out as actual long standing love, but as a friend of mine once told me, "Pretty sure it's more for the experience of that kind of a social interaction than anything else. You just missed out, knucklehead." I retorted with something hoping to be witty, but moreso lame and pun-level in it's comedic factor.

    Feeling love... that's a really tough question. I sorta was too terrified to allow myself to actually let it happen until I was already 18 and into college. After the second time I felt anything though, around 20, I can say that my first 'crush' as I thought it was, was actually far more authentic in terms of what I think love felt like. In fact, I ended up completely confused and ultimately wasn't sure what it was about the second crush I had that kept me crushing, because I did tend to get down on myself more, feeling like I was worthless (by my own accord) and too self-destructive for anyone's good.

    On the other hand, the girl who, as I've put it before 'melted an iced-over heart', before that though, I always just felt really comfortable, and more sure of myself. I didn't feel like I had to hide who I was, or that I was just some piece of trash. I think that was far closer. I just wasn't a romantic interest from their point, which instead turned it into one of the best friendships I've had.
     
  20. forgetblueskies

    forgetblueskies Community Member

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    I agree with you in some aspects but disagree at the same time. I do believe that you can fall in love when you're a teenager and have it be ACTUAL love- not just infatuation. I've had my heart badly broken before but I never gave up on love. Maybe I'm just a very devoted person, but true love happens. If you close your heart off to the possibility of it, you'll live a very lonely life. No, we don't need romantic love to be successful in life, but it sure makes it a lot more worth getting up every day. :)
     
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