Socializing in the Workplace

[OliOliOxenFree]

Hi Guys! This is kind of my first forum post on here so I don't really know the layout/format of doing these things. I just wanted ask what your experiences are with socializing with your colleagues in your areas of work? What are some of the challenges you faced and how did you overcome them? To give a bit of background as to my own challenges, I'm 20 and currently intern at a design company that specializes in architecture, graphic design, and interior design. I rarely need to talk to people for work as I just report and consolidate with one or two people. Our work doesn't really have activities outside it, and the only social thing I've done is gone for a lunch with a few people who have already left the company. I have social anxiety and find it really hard to talk in large groups of people. I'm much better with 1 on 1 conversations. When other people are talking to each other, I find it difficult to join. How do you find a common ground with people if your projects are not directly related to theirs?

 

[Wyote]

If you don't know what to do, just ask people about themselves. It doesn't matter too much what it is as long as its not super personal. People love talking about themselves and will like you more. Also ask them to do you a small favor, something very very easy. They'll like you more.

 

[acd]

I actually have never really set out to socialize at work. I tend to focus more on my tasks and then somehow people just start talking to me and we end up work friends. Though I am reserved and prefer to keep to myself, I work hard and am cooperative with my coworkers and help when able. At one of my first jobs in college, a co-worker and I had to work on something 1:1 and I remember he said that he thought I was mute because he hadn't heard me speak in the 3 months I had worked there. We ended up becoming good friends and still are. That was many years ago.

I think when you put a lot of effort into making friendships it makes it awkward unless you are a really smooth operator. Then I guess this thread wouldn't exist. You should put effort into maintaining friendships, but let things happen organically.

I'd focus more on work and not worry so much about socializing there. Just be easy to work with and nice and eventually you'll end up developing good relationships with coworkers.

 

[Pin]

At my current job, I casually talk to my co-workers during break. I don't get too personal about myself.

I never get too personal about myself at work, that's ammo for their potential arsenal.

I might shake hands or laugh at jokes but I have an end goal. I'm not going to be side tracked by an enemy I didn't see coming, one who smiles in my face but stabs me in my back.

Spoiler

I also don't date or flirt with co-workers because that's a potential issue that I can completely avoid.

Spoiler

 

[OliOliOxenFree]

I actually have never really set out to socialize at work. I tend to focus more on my tasks and then somehow people just start talking to me and we end up work friends. Though I am reserved and prefer to keep to myself, I work hard and am cooperative with my coworkers and help when able. At one of my first jobs in college, a co-worker and I had to work on something 1:1 and I remember he said that he thought I was mute because he hadn't heard me speak in the 3 months I had worked there. We ended up becoming good friends and still are. That was many years ago.

I think when you put a lot of effort into making friendships it makes it awkward unless you are a really smooth operator. Then I guess this thread wouldn't exist. You should put effort into maintaining friendships, but let things happen organically.

I'd focus more on work and not worry so much about socializing there. Just be easy to work with and nice and eventually you'll end up developing good relationships with coworkers.

That's great advice! Thanks! <3

 

[OliOliOxenFree]

At my current job, I casually talk to my co-workers during break. I don't get too personal about myself.

I never get too personal about myself at work, that's ammo for their potential arsenal.

I might shake hands or laugh at jokes but I have an end goal. I'm not going to be side tracked by an enemy I didn't see coming, one who smiles in my face but stabs me in my back.

Spoiler

I also don't date or flirt with co-workers because that's a potential issue that I can completely avoid.

Spoiler

Imagine breaking up with a co-worker and then seeing them EVERYDAY. *shivers*

 

[acd]

That's great advice! Thanks! <3

I just have noticed that for me at least, the less I care/focus on how others perceive me and how to grab their interest, the more compelled they seem to be to approach me and try to gain my interest. I still don't understand this social phenomenon, lol. It sounds like you have a really interesting opportunity to get a lot of experience and gain some skills where you are, though.

And PB&J are perfect for each other, what are you talkin' bout, @Pin!

These two were awkward:

(Though I agree it would be weird to date/marry a co-worker.. separate worlds colliding!)

 

[Vigilance]

Although I have no idea what social anxiety is, I am sorry you cannot enjoy group communication. I have heard people say that social skills are skills, which may be learned. Thus, you can learn to be social if you are not. You can take baby steps and try approaching new people in groups. If they don't like you or make fun of you, well, screw them! There are literally billions of people in this world. Some people are as nervous as you and will appreciate your nervousness.

Good luck

 

[Vigilance]

Imagine breaking up with a co-worker and then seeing them EVERYDAY. *shivers*

Lol. That's why workplace romance is a no go or a go go.

Lmao.

 

[pzl2lxie81mc]

Here's my advice based on my experience.

1. In the first few months, accept every single social invitation. I'm being a total hypocrite here because I myself refused nearly all social invitations, but regret it in hindsight. You don't have to stay long, but it's definitely good if you at least go.

2. You'll get an idea of the social landscape eventually, and start feeling less anxious.

3. I totally get the mute/silent/awkward thing - I've realized that it's hard for others to relate to me when I'm like this and that's ok.

5. It helps thinking about how interns fit into the regular work-life at your place of employment. Are you temporary cheap labor? Potential future hires? Sources of inspiration? Understanding why they have you there will help you understand how the full-time workers are relating to you.

6. If you feel lost in a group conversation, it's ok to just note that to yourself. In a lot of meetings, people talk to just talk and suck all the air out of a room. Sometimes, no one talks. It's all uncomfortable and honestly, part of the job. My lack of participation in these situations has never kept me from being invited again, unfortunately.

Good luck - that sounds like a great area to be in.

 

[Vigilance]

Upon doing a quick Google search on social anxiety and reading a few articles on the subject matter, it seems to me that social anxiety is another term for "low confidence." What else am I missing out on? It's disgusting to see how some articles were written by bums who claimed they suffered from social anxiety and were asking for your email and wanted you to join a membership where they can market off of your net earnings. They were luring you in with a free e-book. Don't buy into all of this scam. Sick how people will trick you into buying their bullshit. Your issue is, you suffer from low confidence.

You can build confidence easy. Confidence comes from you. The internet is taking your money. It sounds like the quick weight loss e-book programs they have or in other fancy words " How to get rid of social anxiety within a few months." Just give them your email and you are good to go.

 

[OliOliOxenFree]

Although I have no idea what social anxiety is, I am sorry you cannot enjoy group communication. I have heard people say that social skills are skills, which may be learned. Thus, you can learn to be social if you are not. You can take baby steps and try approaching new people in groups. If they don't like you or make fun of you, well, screw them! There are literally billions of people in this world. Some people are as nervous as you and will appreciate your nervousness.

Good luck

Hey Vigilance! I get what you're saying about being social even if you're not, but part of me always feels like I'm lying to myself when I present myself as a sociable person. It feels inauthentic for me. Whilst I am sociable to people individually, I struggle in groups as I tend to become much more nervous about what I say and what many people will think at any one time.

 

[OliOliOxenFree]

Here's my advice based on my experience.

1. In the first few months, accept every single social invitation. I'm being a total hypocrite here because I myself refused nearly all social invitations, but regret it in hindsight. You don't have to stay long, but it's definitely good if you at least go.

2. You'll get an idea of the social landscape eventually, and start feeling less anxious.

3. I totally get the mute/silent/awkward thing - I've realized that it's hard for others to relate to me when I'm like this and that's ok.

5. It helps thinking about how interns fit into the regular work-life at your place of employment. Are you temporary cheap labor? Potential future hires? Sources of inspiration? Understanding why they have you there will help you understand how the full-time workers are relating to you.

6. If you feel lost in a group conversation, it's ok to just note that to yourself. In a lot of meetings, people talk to just talk and suck all the air out of a room. Sometimes, no one talks. It's all uncomfortable and honestly, part of the job. My lack of participation in these situations has never kept me from being invited again, unfortunately.

Good luck - that sounds like a great area to be in.

Thank you so much for your advice Chickensoup. It makes a lot of sense when you put it the way you do. I guess I'd have no problem accepting social invitations, it's just getting to the stage of being invited in the first place hahaha. But your 5th (or is it your 4th point?) is very good advice for someone in my position. I'll definitely re-evaluate my situation

 

[Vigilance]

Hey Vigilance! I get what you're saying about being social even if you're not, but part of me always feels like I'm lying to myself when I present myself as a sociable person. It feels inauthentic for me. Whilst I am sociable to people individually, I struggle in groups as I tend to become much more nervous about what I say and what many people will think at any one time.

You have to get over your fear of what people will think of you. That's your issue. In my honest opinion, you should focus on stop giving a damn what people think and focus on yourself. I don't think you have 'social anxiety' at all lol. I think you have said what your problem is here, that is you care what others think of you, which is the root cause of low self confidence. Social anxiety seems like a dubious term for people who experience low self confidence. Don't go down that path. Low self confidence can also cause low self-esteem. Low self-esteem brings its own issues.

We've all experienced low self confidence when younger man; however, some people learn to get over it and some struggle with it. Like I said, you have to learn to get over what people think of you. It's just something you must learn to do. Do you understand what I'm saying?

Just relax and enjoy life! Go meet new people! Live in the present moment. If you're worried what people think, you CANNOT live in the present moment at all times. You must learn to live in the present.

Imagine breaking up with a co-worker and then seeing them EVERYDAY. *shivers*

Also this. This seems to imply you care way too much. Fuck what someone else thinks. It's your thoughts that matter at the end of the day. This post seems to imply that you would "feel awkward" seeing a co-worker you broke up with on a consistent basis. Again, stop caring lol? It's only going to be awkward IF YOU make it awkward. Half the time, the co-worker won't even care if you are there or not. People live in their own worlds and don't give a damn what you do. If they do look at you, they look at you for a few seconds and move on.

 

[OliOliOxenFree]

You have to get over your fear of what people will think of you. That's your issue. In my honest opinion, you should focus on stop giving a damn what people think and focus on yourself. I don't think you have 'social anxiety' at all lol. I think you have said what your problem is here, that is you care what others think of you, which is the root cause of low self confidence. Social anxiety seems like a dubious term for people who experience low self confidence. Don't go down that path. Low self confidence can also cause low self-esteem. Low self-esteem brings its own issues.

We've all experienced low self confidence when younger man; however, some people learn to get over it and some struggle with it. Like I said, you have to learn to get over what people think of you. It's just something you must learn to do. Do you understand what I'm saying?

Just relax and enjoy life! Go meet new people!



Also this. This seems to imply you care way too much. Fuck what someone else thinks. It's your thoughts that matter lololol. This post seems to imply that you would "feel awkward" seeing a co-worker you broke up with on a consistent basis. Again, stop caring lol? It's only going to be awkward IF YOU make it awkward. Half the time, the co-worker won't even care if you are there or not. People live in their own worlds and don't give a damn what you do. If they do look at you, they look at you for a few seconds and move on.

I don't know if there's a difference between having self-confidence in a group and having it with just one person, but I feel like the confidence you get when you speak to a group of people takes a lot more effort than the latter. I do understand I need to get over my fear, but it will definitely take a lot of self-discipline and courage. Social anxiety is a bit different from self confidence as I can be extremely confident around a small group or individuals. I just tend to get claustrophobic, shy, and just generally uncomfortable around a lot of people. I don't really know why, but I'm not so sure it's because of my confidence. I just find I don't really like talking in a group, which is kind of silly, but it's true. But like you said, it is something I need to learn.

 

[acd]

Hey Vigilance! I get what you're saying about being social even if you're not, but part of me always feels like I'm lying to myself when I present myself as a sociable person. It feels inauthentic for me. Whilst I am sociable to people individually, I struggle in groups as I tend to become much more nervous about what I say and what many people will think at any one time.

What if you try to look at it this way: Nobody is as focused on your potential mistakes as you are in these interactions. Other people are primarily worried about themselves. Maybe you prejudge yourself more harshly than others will judge you.

 

[Lurk]

I think it's a good idea to remain at arm's length and keep the interactions business casual.

 

[seira0807]

Hmmm ...

I usually tend to be close with a mentor at work (someone more experienced, and who I feel safe to open up to, willing to make each me). The mentor usually had a lot of connections in the company/outside the company, so I usually meet people/have more opportunities through that mentor. But mentors don't just come to you - you have to put yourself out there.

For example, one of my mentors onff-habd mentioned a client who wanted to go hiking with staff, and then extended the invitation to me - and I met and got to know some really cool people!

 

[seira0807]

*willing to teach

 

[Rcs6r]

I'm pretty sure coworkers are the Devil incarnate.

On a more serious note: in my experience, don't get to personal with them in terms of your life outside of work. All the Chatty Cathys and Gossip Queens love nothing more than to spread shit around- even if it's not true! A little white-lying or omitting details to save your buttski is benificial in the long run.

But really, coworkers suck. Go freelance.