i feel most alone when i am amongst many people, but only in circumstances where i feel a sense of obligation to engage in shared conversation or activity with them due to generally expected social conventions. i think Black Swan mentioned this.
nevertheless, i do become openly receptive and more outgoing despite feeling this. i'm not sure whether it is a learned protective mechanism by adapting to the route of least resistance or if it is due to my innate nature of being sensitively in tune with the emotional ambiences of individuals whether alone or in a collective. it's probably both.
also, i find that the energy generated by collectives are rather contagious.
when it is positive on the whole, i tend to absorb and reflect it outward without any constraint or discomfort. i just live and let live in these situations and have a really good time (e.g. dancing in clubs).
when it is negative though, as when i feel the tension beneath the surface for instance, i pick up on that as well and feel extremely displaced when most others are maintaining on a happy face. it's just such a strain since i think i should maintain it out of politeness and to not rock the boat so to speak.
don't worry CoffeeShopDiva
, i'm more than sure you are not the only one who experiences these social situations as such. i think the stress must be a significant amount and to have a specific quality to it to be considered social anxiety (though i'm not knowledgable in that area). perhaps it is more due to the territorial nature of introversion or possibly because too much stimulation from the external world drain us.
