so embrassed by lack of any relationship experiance,finding it hard to start one. | INFJ Forum

so embrassed by lack of any relationship experiance,finding it hard to start one.

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Molvas, Nov 25, 2014.

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  1. Molvas

    Molvas Regular Poster

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    im 23 turning 24 this December and I have been incredibly depressed over my lack of any relationship experience or sexual experience no kissing no hand holding.When I was younger I kept moving around between highschools and ended up dropping out by 16 got my ged and started going to community college by 17 I used to have extermley bad social anxiety to the point that I isolated myself from everyone and lost all my friends and cut all contact with everyone for years,i didn't realize what I had done till I was about 20 and thought I would make new friends at college and a relationship would naturally happen.i got my drivers license very late in life at 22,because I my parents lost there jobs and we only had 1 car for the whole family I had to help pay the bills till 21 and was walking and taking the bus everywhere between work and college I worked about 40 hours a week and went to school full time for a biology degree.

    So once I got my car I was taking all upper level senior lab classes at once and working,i barley had time to study let alone eat or talk to anyone,I was always studying or working,i do get extremely depressed any time I see a couple at work or someone kissing.i tried joining a animal rights group at my college this semester but never have time to go to the meetings and next semester is the one I graduate,and im going to have a lot of difficult classes.i know I have had a lot of women are attracted to me but by the time I get there number im friend zoned because I took to long thinking about it and I need to be more assertive.i created a online profile on okcupid and sent about a hundred personally crafted message and I would have good conversations on there but when I asked to go get coffe or see a movie they would stop messaging.



    I did recentely go on a date with a fitness trainer we walked around the park by my house and I thought it went really well,and I asked her if shed wanted to go see a movie wendsday at the end of the date and she said yes then I sent a text saying I enjoyed and what time she was free she never texted me back or called me so I just moved on,im just getting sick of things not working out and I cant seem to find anything im doing wrong I even went to therpy to see if there was something wrong with my personilty,if I was to narcisstic to self absorbed,doing something wrong with how I interact with people,but they said I was a very mentally healthy person and don't have any signs of mental illness except mild depresisonAny advice on what I could be doing wrong.
     
  2. ThomasJ79

    ThomasJ79 Intertwined

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    When nothing works and all else fails, there's always tequila:

    [video=youtube;Nj2700em-JQ]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nj2700em-JQ[/video]


    I'm only kidding and I hope I didn't offend you. Ah, I remember being fresh out of college, like it was the night before last....*sigh*, the memories. I graduated with a degree is bio as well.

    Just be confident in who you are man. Not the cocky, arrogant, false confidence, but the real, comfort inducing kind. I wouldn't get too discouraged. Eventually, you will find someone.
     
  3. muir

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    Get a wedge of cash together and book a flight to amsterdam

    Go to the red light district and have yourself an epic bacchanalian spree of debauchery matched only by the last days of rome

    Once you've shagged yourself stupid you can chill out in the hash cafes

    Book yourself into a cool hostel with lots of pretty foreign backpackers and try your luck with all of them shamelessly as if the world is going to end tomorrow until one or some of them agree to go out for a drink or clubbing or whatever

    There's also the pubs and the shows...oh and cultural stuff if you have the time!

    You'll come back with the swagger of john wayne and the panty dropping indifference of bogart

    You'll be free to make a complete tit of yourself, wake up in a gutter having found you've lost all your money through a hole in your trouser pocket that you hadn't noticed until the morning and you'll shed rejection like water off a ducks back knowing that success is always just around the corner for those with a determined approach

    Just make sure you play safe and always tarp up as you don't want to be left with any unwanted souvenirs from your adventures
     
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    #3 muir, Nov 25, 2014
    Last edited: Nov 25, 2014
  4. OP
    Molvas

    Molvas Regular Poster

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    lol yeah its funny that song you mention,I just went to a cool house party on Halloween and the hosts finace was drunk and coming on to me and grabbing and said she wanted me to stay over,i grabbed her around the waist and said sure I,ll stay over.i found out later that it was my friends fiancé,it was akward as hell.Good thing he didn't see me though.i don't really get invited to parties not a lot of people know me and im usally busy studying or don't know anyone,I work in retail and talk to a lot of people my age and always have fun when I go to work,im just to busy to form relationships im a very extrovered introvert I have a very week I function it should probably be an x or a E.it seems like every women im interested in is taken and the one that aren't taken have personality problems or im not attracted.

    im weird when I get drunk I get more quiet and talk less,i act like a therapist to people and help them work through there problems its very weird I turn into a happy smiling pschotherpist.
     
  5. muir

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    Don't get drunk..it will fuck up your game

    2-3 drinks over an evening is optimum
     
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  6. BrokenDaniel

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    Do not overthink. Just put yourself out there like a peacock showing his feathers, or a ram/goat ready to crush his opponent's skull for the female and say to yourself "this is the dawn of the mating season".
     
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  7. OP
    Molvas

    Molvas Regular Poster

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    I had over 10 drinks in a hour lol,2-3 drinks wont do anything for me.i want a relationship more then just getting laid and losing it to a random person,i know im old and there is a stigma attached to it,but I want to be in a relationship more then just get laid,i don't think my life would change at all if I had sex once or twice,i might as well just watch porn I could have lost my virginity long ago if that's the case,i am very flirtous with women for fun so I don't really have confidence issues speaking to people I have a lot of female friends,there all in relationships though,i kinda don't really care im a virgin other then the lack of sex,I know other people care though and just don't want it to hinder my future relationships.i guess I could always lie about it to people say I lost at 17 or something at a party.my sex drive is lower then when I was a teenager,so I feel its pointless to just have sex with a random person then not talk to them anymore.
     
  8. BrokenDaniel

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    You're overthinking it.
     
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  9. muir

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    The thing about drinks is that you can keep on drinking but after a certain point you ain't getting any funnier or smarter you just think you are!

    Ok forget the debauched and depraved rampage through european sexual hotspots....

    Perhaps the best way to meet someone is through doing something that you enjoy doing; that way you already have something in common and also you have a reason to meet up again

    You can keep meeting up to share the activity in a perfectly innocent way as you get to know each other better and that way things can develop at a natural pace; this is before there even needs to be any mention of a 'date'

    Worst case scenario you make a friend and best case scenario love blossoms

    Are there any activities or interests you enjoy that can be done socially?

    Regarding lying about your experience...don't do it. When crunch time comes just be totally honest with her and she'll likely take you by the hand...
     
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  10. muir

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    And remember...only 2 or 3 drinks a night!

    Giant_Beer_Glass_1_.jpg

    [​IMG]
     
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  11. BrokenDaniel

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    Yeah, showing her what's your deal is always a good place to start. I would caution against getting your hopes too high for only one woman though, if you want a long relationship just for the sake of it, you're on the wrong track imo. Just relax, get to know some women more, put yourself out there more in that area, be more shameless.
     
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    #11 BrokenDaniel, Nov 25, 2014
    Last edited: Nov 25, 2014
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  12. Lark

    Lark Rothchildian Agent

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    Well if you're free and single there's a lot of things you can do with your time which someone in a relationship cant, an empty house is better than a bad tenant.
     
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  13. sassafras

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    Apart from a lack of experience, the only thing I can see tripping you up is your preoccupation with your lack of experience. The more you focus on your short comings and failures instead of accepting it as a fact that every beginner must contend with fewer successes than someone who is more familiar with the game, you're going to rob yourself of the vital component that attracts a partner and that is confidence.

    My advice is to build yourself up on the successes you already have and do everything in your power to raise your level of general confidence. Abandon this need to analyze and think of yourself as something broken that needs to be fixed because that sort of thing broadcasts itself even without you directly communicating it. Take pride in your achievements. Put effort into your clothes and your appearance. Pursue and accomplish goals that are important to you. And while you're doing this, take dating on as a side project because you will have the residual confidence from the other aspects of your life as a foundation to build your relationships on.

    Essentially, what I'm saying is, keep at it. Continue going on dates. Continue talking to and pursuing the ladies. Don't let yourself get discouraged because you're a beginner. Being 24 and doing this for the first time is not a bad thing at all.
     
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  14. Delta

    Delta Community Member

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    Idk, some women like men who haven't slept around.
     
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  15. sassafras

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    This is very true too.
     
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  16. Erlian

    Erlian Community Member

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    It seems you're making progress.

    Maybe ask the girls why they don't want to date you.
    Furthermore, it's tough, but keep trying!
    It doesn't seem like you're extremely insecure or that you're not trying. You just have to keep trying. I'm in the same (or similar) boat really. :(
     
  17. OP
    Molvas

    Molvas Regular Poster

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    great advice,im kind of in the process of doing this im reading a book on mens fashion styles and buying nicer clothes to so I look like im in my mid 20s instead of my early 20s trying to save for a condo graduating college etc.i definitely have to work on not constantly thinking about it everyday and obsessing over dying alone,anytime I feel upset or depressed during the day it usually relates to those type of thoughts.
     
  18. sassafras

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    You are on the right track.

    I know it's easier said then done; you are going to have bad days and moments of self-doubt, because that sort of thing kind of comes with the territory of being human, but you will push through them. I can already tell you're going to be just fine. :)
     
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  19. hk427f3

    hk427f3 Community Member

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    Don't listen to any PUA bullshit.

    You seem to have bought heavily into an assumption that romance and stuff is super important and world-crushingly amazing. It's not. I think you should try to be less insecure about it.

    But...
     
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