I can honestly say that the only fear of death that exists in the fear of the pain I would cause those I love, which at an earlier point in my life was bypassed by what seemed the most logical conclusion at the time...the conclusion that I didn't have a place in this life and never would...which holds true to this day. Of course I have a job where I "fit"...I have immediate family that is accepting of me and there are those whom I love with all my heart that I would miss. The only true fear of death I have is the fear that I would cause them pain and I possibly would never be able to see them again. But as far as an actually fear of the instant that I will die whenever that will be...it has long been gone. At the age of 19 I attempted suicide and would have succeeded if not for a random stranger walking by my car, calling 911 and the police breaking the car window and the paramedics taking me to the hospital for severe blood loss. This experience has eliminated any such true "fear" of this process that remained. I know you may not believe me when make that statement but that along with my actual job and being around and seeing death and dying has shaped my views and feelings on the subject. I feel bad for those who I see die...especially when it is a child for example and I can relate to my own step-son...but if it were me it would be a non-issue.
I do not go after death because yes, that is how we carry on...but I'm not purposefully delaying the inevitable...I don't crash the car because I may not die, I may become a paraplegic, I do not kill myself now because I would never hurt my son in that manner, there are reasons that I don't seek it...but should it find me I will be at peace..
Forgive me, I do not doubt you. I don't mean to suggest that it is impossible to come to terms with dying or our fear thereof, but fear is natural. I mean it in a very broad sense though, not as a specific occurrence. Like you said, you've had your own experiences with fear, death, and dying that have shaped your current perspective.
I mean to say that we oftentimes conflate death with dying and forget how broad and abstract the concept of death is and how complex our responses to it can be. Dying we can readily identify and come to terms with, albeit it reluctantly. Typically, we come to terms through confronting our fears. What are we willing to die for? How do we wish to pass and what experiences might we be unable to come to terms with? Disease, torture, or drowning? Certainly, few desire a horrible, insufferable, dishonorable, or ignoble death. All in all we desire to reduce our fear and anxiety regarding the inevitable, which naturally leads us to the next problem in coming to terms which is what 'being dead,' or the 'afterlife' means and how it shapes our perceptions towards living and dying in a process of confrontation. Attempting suicide, risk-taking behavior, religious devotion, escapism, aggression, etc. can all be manifestations of confronting fears and insecurities. Feeling like life is ultimately meaningless may seem like an unrelated issue to a fear of dying, but the abstract concepts of 'fear' and 'death' are intimately associated with 'life' and 'meaning'.
Death then, is more abstract, unknowable, and hence problematic to deal with. Why does the passing of a loved one emotionally hurt if we understand it as a natural occurrence? Why do we have any feelings whatsoever regarding the dead? Can we simply choose how to feel about it? Why shouldn't we commit suicide or kill others? Why is that bad? What does it mean? What purpose does it serve? How does it shape the meaning of our existence? What does it mean to no longer exist? Why do we want to understand death and the concept of 'after life'? Why is it important? Does it matter? Can we eliminate fear altogether? Why should we want to no longer experience fear or dread? Is it wrong to fear death or is it wrong to fear being afraid or is it wrong to question what is right or wrong?
Edit: A better use of 'fear' in a broad sense might be that of 'negativity' regarding our emotions. Because we have emotions towards our emotions, they operate as a feedback cycle. We have 'positive' emotions like joy, affection, excitement, and 'negative' emotions such as 'fear,' 'sadness,' 'anger,' and 'hatred.' Part of our confrontation is dealing with those 'negative' emotions in a positive manner rather than negatively or else we become caught in a vicious cycle where emotional and psychological problems can develop. It's easier said than done.
I understand your point...it's just an incredibly frustrating issue for me...I want to believe...how do I do that? Where did the power of intention go in this regard?
How do you push past the veil?
I mean to say that mortality is the central tenet that spirituality is to address. It is a broad concept that affects every aspect of life, so it can be equally complicated in trying to address or talk about. Meditation, prayer, and/or counseling are all helpful methods in managing the complexities of our emotions. I apologize if I didn't explain well enough. It's quite a bit to delve into and process all at once.
