Relationships and Social Anxiety

[Trifoilum]

How have relationships or pursuit of relationships been affected by social anxiety.

Echoing [MENTION=4718]Sebastian[/MENTION]; it's the same but different with homosexual relationship, as far as I know, and as far as I experienced it. I clashed with an implicit but permeating idea around here (note the here.) that abolishes femininity in a whole. Gays here are looking for 'manly gays'; and putting the same facade for the consumption of others. When you're -not-, like I am, it can be hard, as far as relationships (of the romantic value) goes. I've never tried it, to be honest, When everyone said it bluntly that they're not looking at you... And add that the other rules of the jungle persists; looks, brawns, money; things that you don't have yet and. Well. :| For platonic relationships; I lived at a conservative country, as metropolis as the city is. Not to be self important but my presence is definitely a disturbance, and..let's just say, is definitely one factor when I start to crawl towards someone. And even without it; even without all my world has to prevent, I myself still -got- a lot to do. 'Being confident' is an easy shit to talk. HOW? What defines 'being confident'? What will offend, what won't ? what drives people closer, what doesn't? And, is being confident the sole answer to that question? (no.) When the focus is on 'relationship' as a whole, one begin to focus at the others and they frightened me. And there's my own pickiness; of looks, of morality, of attitude....

How does this affect your approach to dating and meeting people.

Again, never tried it, for now. When everyone said it bluntly that they're not looking at you... And add that the other rules of the jungle persists; looks, brawns, money; things that you don't have yet and. Well. :| I'm not hot enough to be comfortable with it, or to swim above those. I guess I'm in the 'care too much' camp. I can imagine how. I'm probably finding myself confused; what to talk, what to say, am I being too obvious in my dis/interest, am I bothering them, is he enjoying my company, my talk, my personality, my belief, etc; what will happen next, will we go further, is he playing with me, am I being too picky, what is his problem, really? What is my problem, really? And I don't know if LDR in gay relationships works. >_>;

Apart from learning that "you should be more confident" , how have you learned to manage your anxiety.

half I don't give a bleep, and half extremely giving a bleep. On certain aspects I choose not to care / not to go there and just control myself as I could (behavior, attitude, things I said), on others I give EXTREME care.

Where and how do you meet people who understand your anxiety.

here*cough* yeah, here, so far. I met my closest friends on an internet game forum once, but it's more of a coincidental understanding and-- voila!

 

[Gaze]

Thing is, the last person I dated initiated contact so I didn't really have to do much. Took the pressure off. It was purely coincidental. So, there was no pressure to be or do anything other than be myself. That was great because many of the guys I see today or at least in this area, want or expect women to be very extroverted or outgoing or do things to get their attention, and that ain't me. I won't draw attention to myself partly because of the anxiety, so if I have to work socially hard for you to notice me, that is not going to work. I want to know that the person sees me without having to make myself strongly visible. In some cases, many people find themselves jumping through hoops to get attention and then when they get in the relationship, they can't sustain the initial persona they sold to their partner, and then their partner gets bored or feels betrayed because the person is not naturally the socially outgoing person they thought they were.

 

[GYX_Kid]

I'm not socially anxious anymore, except for first approaches. I haven't been working on that lately due to health issues being a top priority.
When hanging out with new people and there's sometimes an awkward silence, other people tend to look at their cell phones. I sometimes fill that silence with something, if it doesn't seem too much like I'm trying to fill it.

 

[Nitesteamer]

I agree that you are better off not telling your boss about social anxiety. Even though she might suspect it on some level, once you vocalize it, and let the genie out of the bottle, you may perhaps later wonder, if you are somehow being judged differently because of it. Or, was it shared with others.

It may be better to battle things out as you have been. As long as no one is directly confronting you on your performance, you are probably doing a good job, regardless of your inner state.

I know that this isn't the most encouraging post, but it sums up what I have learned from personal experience.