relationship permanence

[Mary Shelley]

I'm wondering how unusual it is to still today hold this classic romantic idealist view.

 

[Gaze]

I still do but I no longer consider it a romantic pov. Rather, I think it takes work, committment, ongoing communication, moments or periods of difficulty or conflict, etc. That's how relationships grow and mature. It's not about easy and having happily ever after. In other words, relationship permanence at least for me is less about having the fairytale than two people making a conscious effort and committment to going as far as possible, hopefully towards more depth of love, appreciation, and loyalty to each other. I don't define it as having to stay together because of the committment but wanting to stay together and seeing what levels of love including depth of understanding including honesty and trust are possible if you have the opportunity to be together and share your life with someone over a period of time.

 

[#@&5&49]

I don't believe there is only one way to structure a relationship. I think a one size fits all approach to romantic relationships is something of the past. A belief that may have worked in past eras but because of the many changes men, women, and society have gone through it doesn't seem possible anymore to expect one approach to work for everyone. I feel romantic relationships can be created and structured in any way the people involved want; it doesn't have to be either or. Basically, if the old way works for you, great, if not, then create something that does work.

 

[Nixie]

I seriously doubt my ability to be in a lifelong relationship. I always figure it is best to say 'no" and then strive to prove myself wrong.

 

[wonkavision]

I still do but I no longer consider it a romantic pov. Rather, I think it takes work, committment, ongoing communication, moments or periods of difficulty or conflict, etc. That's how relationships grow and mature. It's not about easy and having happily ever after. In other words, relationship permanence at least for me is less about having the fairytale than two people making a conscious effort and committment to going as far as possible, hopefully towards more depth of love, appreciation, and loyalty to each other. I don't define it as having to stay together because of the committment but wanting to stay together and seeing what levels of love including depth of understanding including honesty and trust are possible if you have the opportunity to be together and share your life with someone over a period of time.

1000 times "YES" to the above.

This is the best post I've seen, on any forum, in a very long time.


My wife and I just celebrated our tenth anniversary on August 13th, and we would have NEVER made it this far without making a conscious effort and committment to going as far as possible.

You have to be HELL-BENT on making it happen, or it won't.

RADICAL FORGIVENESS (forgiving EVERYTHING) is a MUST.

And, yes--OPEN COMMUNICATION as well.



BTW, FWIW--I'm an INFJ and my wife is an INFP.

In all honesty, a difficult, yet rewarding combination.

 

[ZcM4xzkjgzCjytBc]

Today's society does not support relationship longevity. Women are becoming more independent, and men are becoming less independent. Neither aspect is appealing for the opposite sex (generally). Our instincts have not caught up with this emerging reality. Our population is growing, we are more connected (internet), we have more choice of our partners, resources become scarce, cost of living goes up, we don't want kids, we don't want commitment.